More meat, Mr. Khan?

While some people still try to claim that meat is bad for you, I think just about everyone across the spectrum of vegetarianism can agree that meat is unquestionably healthier than cigarettes.  So when I read an article entitled “Meat Displaces Cigarettes from Bulgarians’ Diet,” I was nearly as happy as Khan Krum must have been when his Bulgarians defeated the Byzantines at the Battle of Pliska.

The story goes on to describe other changes in the Bulgarian diet between 1999 and 2010, but the most important part to glean is that Bulgarians are now a healthier people, and it all comes down to meat.  I don’t have any statistics to prove it, but I’ll bet the Bulgarians that avoid meat are still smoking down cigarettes nonstop.  But let them smoke, we all know that the world will be rid of them soon enough.  If the smoking doesn’t kill them, their diet certainly will.

(via Standart News)

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Sitting on a pile of food.

What’s your favorite type of meat?  Is it beef, chicken or pork?  Or maybe it’s something cool and exotic like venison or rattlesnake?  What about horse?  Didn’t think about that one, did you?  Not exactly exotic, but also not exactly meat to most Americans.  Now, though, thanks to a little slip of legislation, the slaughter of horses for meat has been legalized in the USA.

Of course, just legalizing the process doesn’t mean people will start to eat horse meat.  It’s still thought of as pretty taboo, but why?  The French eat it, as do the Kazakh and other sweet Central Asian people.  Let’s not forget how much the Japanese love their horse meat.  Raw.  Or even as ice cream!  And if you want to get all high and mighty and say you’ve never eaten horse, I want you to prove to me that you never shoved a wad of dried up glue in your mouth as a kid and swallowed.  Yeah, that was horse.

Aside from the rite of passage of eating glue, I’ve gotten pretty close to eating horse meat by chowing down on the other half of the mule: donkey.  It was weird at first, but once I got down to eating, I found it to be an enjoyable experience.  You can read more about my donkey-eating here.

Plus, are horses really good for anything other than racing and movies about horse racing?  We have cars now.  And our own feet if we want to go somewhere cars can’t.  Or what about bikes?  Maybe they can’t go everywhere horses can, but they also don’t take giant dumps and you can walk behind them without fear of getting the crap kicked out of you.

So, government, I must commend you for allowing the slaughter of horses.  Bring on the meat!

(via CNN.com and the Holzmaniac)

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How could you kill a thing like this?

It’s happened before, and once again the vegans have used their love of vegetables to kill a baby.  Last time, it was the French, but now the vegans have brought baby killing into America.  Now, the baby-killing may have occurred in 2004, but just last week the killers were convicted of their heinous crime.

But how did they commit the crime?  By feeding the baby a diet of nothing more than soy milk and apple juice.  What do you think happens to a baby subsisting on such foods?  I’ll give you a second to guess…

If you guessed bronchopneumonia, emaciation, starvation and death after six weeks of life, you win!

So what will it take to teach these crazy vegans how to feed their babies?  The parents will serve life in prison, which will prevent them from killing anymore babies, but I don’t know if that is enough.  Maybe the Georgia Supreme Court should invoke the Code of Hammurabi and force an eye for an eye upon these people.  Food them only spy milk and apple juice and see if they can last longer than six weeks.

Now do yourself a favor and send this on to all the vegans you know to ensure they they don’t repeat the mistakes of their imprisoned brethren.  Only you can help save babies from vicious baby-hating vegans.

(via Yahoo)

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Is this the face of unvegan hatred?

It began with a simple Twitter @ reply.  You know the kind that happens every day.  But soon it spiraled into something no one could have ever seen coming.

It all started so innocently...

While perusing Twitter one evening, I found that a tweeter called @DrEthan725 had written “unVegan??! Oh no…. ” and I playfully replied, “You mean oh yes, right?”  Hours later, that playful message sent me into the unvegan trenches as I found myself facing an onslaught of vile vegan vitriol.  DrEthan725 had taken up arms against my way of life, and I needed to defend unvegans everywhere.

DrEthan725 began with the old schoolyard trick of name-calling, saying “Corspe-munching [sic] is for vampires, not ethical humans with morals.”  I, being an ethical human with morals, took the higher road and simply defended myself by stating, “Damn, my morality keeps my from eating defenseless plants. I guess it’s cool with you to kill them.”  He then tried to defend his claim by once again calling my beloved meat “corpses,” and managed to spell it correctly this time.  He also sent me a Huffington Post article to defend his point of view.  We all know about the unbiased blog known as the Huffington Post, yet I was able to counter with another Huffington Post article, which defended my point of view (and in a much better-written article, if I do say so myself).

And he simply dismissed the article like this.

Sadly, his militant veganism had resulted in a little something called small-mindedness.  This came as no surprise to me, since research has shown that meat enabled our brains to evolve to their current sizes.  Therefore, it would stand to reason that removing meat from a diet would cause a little shrinkage.  He summarily dismissed the well-written article and claimed his way of life was about “JUSTICE.”

Seriously, an Animal Rights Abolitionist Vegan.

It seemed we had reached a stalemate, so I sent off what I expected to be my final tweet, “I disagree with everything you’ve said, but I respect your right to say it. Hope your veggies don’t come from clear-cut forests.”  But as I was sending it off, I noticed a little something about DrEthan725′s profile.  It was something that screamed out to me like a head of lettuce when you cut into it.  In describing himself, DrEthan725 wrote, “I am…[an]…Animal Rights Abolitionist…”  Now I’m no doctor, but I do know that that simple line means “someone who wants to abolish animal rights.”  I called him out on this and he was quick to correct me, saying the full description is “Animal Rights Abolitionist Vegan.”  Again, I’m no doctor, but I do know that adding a noun like “vegan” to the end of a description such as that does not change the meaning, it only tacks on an additional meaning.  He could have put “robot” on the end of that description and it still wouldn’t have changed anything, except to make him about 17 times cooler (man, robots are awesome).  As it is, he is simply “someone who wants to abolish animal rights and chooses not to eat any animal products.”  Yes, it is somewhat oxymoronic, but who am I to judge?  I dare anyone with a marginal command of the English language to tell me I’m wrong.

Ok, I was annoyed, but I had a point.

Finally, although his description had convinced me he was a very confused vegan and English-speaker, he took the war of words to another level by tweeting, “…My veggies come from my garden & don’t scream in terror for their lives when being ‘killed.’”  This wasn’t the bad part, in fact I was glad to hear of his gardening skills and acute ability to perceive the supposed lack of pain his vegetables experience when being slaughtered.  No, what did it was his hashtag, which read “#YouPayPeopleToMurder.”

Dude. Not cool, who told you I have hitmen?

This was over the line and I could not stand for it anymore.  Questioning my way of life is one thing (and is highly encouraged), but saying I pay people to murder is another thing entirely.  I realized that explaining the logic of life and death to a fanatic rarely has positive results, so I sent off what was truly my final tweet to DrEthan725 and decided to spend the rest of my afternoon experiencing life.  It read, “Hmm, you took it to a new level. Bored now. Enjoy your garden of malnourishment and denial.”  Sure, it was a little trite, but the guy had basically called me a murderer.  DrEthan725 continued to tweet, but the war was clearly over and his North Korean army still maintained power north of the 38th parallel.

No matter how much logic you put into a conversation, sometimes you just have to realize crazy just doesn’t adhere to logic.  Yet, I do feel like I achieved victory.  If nothing else, DrEthan725 learned that unvegans do not simply roll over when faced with fanaticism.  We do not sit back and listen quietly as they spew propaganda, and ultimately we live much better and healthier lives.  Plus, as long as the vegans have DrEthan725 on their side, subconsciously plotting the abolition of animal rights, I can sleep soundly.

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Crime doesn't pay. Except in burgers.

I don’t do drugs, but if I did I wonder how upset I would be if I were Timethy Delarrance Morrison.  Morrison recently attempted to buy some pot, but when he opened his bag of contraband he instead found a bunch of hamburger meat.  Maybe the dealer accidentally swapped his bag of munchies with pot, but Morrison was not amused.

By the time Morrison discovered the meat, his dealer was driving off.  I would have celebrated the surprise meat, but Morrison did the opposite.  He shot at the car and was apprehended by the police.  Then they found pot on him and tossed him in jail for possession and attempted murder.

Clearly, drugs don’t pay, but this made me wonder a little bit about myself.  If I purchased a bag of hamburgers and opened it up to find pot instead, I’m not sure what I would do.  If I had a gun on me, I like to think that I wouldn’t shoot it at my burger dealer, but who is to say?  I don’t do well when deprived of meat, and I would be one unhappy unvegan.  Fortunately, I don’t think the scenario is very likely.

But as for Morrison, I think he learned a valuable lesson:  When life gives your burgers, eat ‘em, don’t shoot at the hand that feeds you.

(via UPI)

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Save us!

Debt ceiling got you down?  War and instability in the Middle East making you feel unloved?  Casey Anthony getting away with murder pissing you off?  I get it, the world is having some problems, but such problems are nothing compared to the biggest problem the world is currently facing:  Bacon Prices.  Cue the wailing.

That’s right.  According to a report from CNBC, “Bacon prices are expected to soar this summer…” and this isn’t some terrible joke about pigs flying.

The report appears to be mostly concerned of the crisis’s impact on BLTs, but I’m really only concerned about the Bs.  The cause of the problem seems to be the price of whatever it is they feed pigs to make them taste amazing.  I just think this is some kind of vegan conspiracy and I’ll tell you why.  Pigs eat the same food vegans eat and I think vegans are eating so much pig food that pigs are running low on supplies.  The higher demand means higher prices and that means less tasty meat.

So, vegans, stop eating the food that pigs eat.  If you fail in this, you have been warned of the wrath of not just hungry pigs, but hungry unvegans everywhere.

(via CNBC.com and Slanny Dilverperson)

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Moo!

I’ve reported on on in-vitro meat before, and now it seems that dream of death-less meat is closer than ever.  According to the Times of India, this lab meat could even be ready in a year.  Yeah, that’s pretty soon.  Apparently the key is stem cells.

And no small number of stem cells.  It seems that it will take 10,000 of these glory cells to produce a hamburger.  The team producing this burger comes from Maastricht University in the Netherlands and I think working towards a burger is a good step.  First off, burgers are delicious.  Secondly, a burger just seems easier.  If the beef isn’t grown perfectly, odds are any weirdness in texture probably goes the way of the dodo when the fake meat will be ground up.

Yes, it seems the burger would be the perfect gateway in-vitro meat.  The key is that it has to taste right, though.  I’m all about doing away with the slaughter of animals, but only if my burger tastes like a real burger and gives me the vitamins only real meat can give.

(via Times of India)

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Eat me!

While there are many obvious nutrients missing from the diets of vegans, there is one essential element that is typically passed over: iodine.  This element is particularly important in a pregnant woman’s body because “low iodine can increase the risk of miscarriage and thyroid problems in moms, in addition to mental disabilities in babies.”

So when a vegan woman gets knocked up (I say knocked up and not regular pregnant because who would marry a vegan?), a new study shows they have an average iodine level of 79.  The recommended range is 150-249.  Herein lies the problem with some who choose the vegan diet.  Choosing to be vegan can be a personal thing, but when that choice starts affecting others, it needs to become a no-no, along the lines of second-hand smoke or getting pregnant after age 40.  No iodine-deficient child is going to grow up and be like, “I’m really glad mommy was a vegan, who cares if the left half of my brain is missing?”

So please, vegans, for the sake of our future don’t get knocked up without at least getting some real food back into your bodies.  Natalie Portman did it, and she won an Oscar.

(via Yahoo)

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I accept your diet suggestion, thank you.

An article in Popular Science recently posed the all-important question of our time.  Namely, “What Would Happen if I Ate Nothing but Meat?”  The answer might be surprising to you.  For starters, it won’t kill you.

According to the article, there are only two big things to worry about.  And the best part?  Neither of them say you need vegetables.  The first worry is Vitamin C, which you can get in huge doses by eating fruit.  I love fruit and consider it to be vital to an unvegan lifestyle.  Besides, when did scurvy ever hurt anyone?  Unless you’re talking about pirates with scurvy.  In that case scurvy has killed a lot and plundered a ton of booty.

The other concern is fiber.  Once again, fiber is all over fruit.  But what do vegetables have to offer that you can’t get in fruit or meat?  Absolutely nothing.  So why eat vegetables when instead you can eat fruit and meat.  You’ll avoid the scurvy and lack of fiber from a meat-only diet and you’ll enjoy your life a whole lot more.

(via POPSCI)

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Stop stealing food from these children.

As if Bolivia wasn’t troubled enough as one of South America’s only two landlocked countries, now it has a whole new problem with the onset of veganism.  If you know a vegan or vegetarian, the odds are that you have heard of a strange little plant called quinoa.

Quinoa is a plant often mistaken as a grain, but it is nothing of the sort.  Related to the beet, it has been hailed as a superfood because it is so rich in protein.  All this is good and well because we know how nutrient-deficient vegans are.  And in fact, this should also be good and well for the Bolivians because this superfood is only found in the Andes.  In theory, exports of this crop should bring a new source of income to the poor Bolivian economy.

Unfortunately, these bloodthirsty (not animal blood) vegans can’t be sated by just supplementing their food with quinoa.  Their demand of this superfood has driven the price of quinoa so high that the poor Bolivian people who rely upon this food can’t even afford it.  Keep in mind, these are people who would eat meat if they had the choice.  Vegans, on the other hand, do have a choice.  They could eat meat, but choose instead to eat quinoa.  And that choice has lead to malnourishment for the Bolivians.  When the prices of quinoa are too high, they turn to rice and white bread, which are quite lacking in nutrients.  Sure, some of this has to do with taste, but the cost of quinoa these days certainly doesn’t help.

So, vegans, is it worth giving up meat at the expense of the health of people in Bolivia?  I don’t know about you, but the exploitation of people in a third world South American country just doesn’t seem worth it to me.

(via New York Times and DCo1)

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