Vegans are annoying. Yes, that may be a bold and general statement, but I’m sticking with it. And I’m not alone. A recent article in Gawker pointed out just how great the future of space travel will be for those on Earth who have trouble with vegans.
Camels are useful animals. They retain water for a damn long time and are a great mode of desert transportation. Yet, while their alpaca cousins in South America make for some good eating, camels haven’t exactly been big on the plate outside of the Middle East. Yet, that seems to be changing.
Most of what I do up here on unvegan.com is all in good fun. Yeah, I love my meat and while you might think vegetables are the thing I hate most in the world, they are not. In fact, I hate a lot of things more than vegetables (usually Ohio State). Right now, one of those things is Monsanto.
We humans have a luxury of constantly trying to make ourselves happy. I say luxury, because we are pretty much the only species to do so. All those other suckers are busy trying to survive and reproduce. Fortunately, red meat is one of those things that makes us happy.
What’s that you say? You’re not getting enough beef in your diet? Join the club! But luckily, there is hope. We all know you can’t just go around eating steak all the time. Sure, it would taste delicious and you would live a long life, but it’s expensive at restaurants and tiresome to cook all the time. Fortunately, there are now beef straws!
While some people still try to claim that meat is bad for you, I think just about everyone across the spectrum of vegetarianism can agree that meat is unquestionably healthier than cigarettes. So when I read an article entitled “Meat Displaces Cigarettes from Bulgarians’ Diet,” I was nearly as happy as Khan Krum must have been when his Bulgarians defeated the Byzantines at the Battle of Pliska.
What’s your favorite type of meat? Is it beef, chicken or pork? Or maybe it’s something cool and exotic like venison or rattlesnake? What about horse? Didn’t think about that one, did you? Not exactly exotic, but also not exactly meat to most Americans. Now, though, thanks to a little slip of legislation, the slaughter of horses for meat has been legalized in the USA.
It’s happened before, and once again the vegans have used their love of vegetables to kill a baby. Last time, it was the French, but now the vegans have brought baby killing into America. Now, the baby-killing may have occurred in 2004, but just last week the killers were convicted of their heinous crime.
It began with a simple Twitter @ reply. You know the kind that happens every day. But soon it spiraled into something no one could have ever seen coming.
I don’t do drugs, but if I did I wonder how upset I would be if I were Timethy Delarrance Morrison. Morrison recently attempted to buy some pot, but when he opened his bag of contraband he instead found a bunch of hamburger meat. Maybe the dealer accidentally swapped his bag of munchies with pot, but Morrison was not amused.