The Unvegan

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Herman Cain: Unvegan Hero

With a little bit of ham, please.

The gotcha media folks have been especially hard on Herman Cain. And why? Just to get a good story and learn more about the man who once wanted to be president? For shame. Rest assured, Herman, while you won’t be the President of the United States, I am here with your fallback plan.

Question the extramarital affairs all you’d like, but know one thing about Herman Cain: the man appreciates his meat. In glaringly perfect English, Mr. Cain did an interview with GQ and while it covered a range of boring subjects, I managed to glean one great morsel of news from it. When Devin Gordon asked about pizza toppings, Cain responded with, “A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.”

And who am I to disagree? His morals may be off, but his mouth-palette is on like Donkey Kong. So while his run for the White House may be dead and gone, the least I can do is offer him a role as King of Pizza Toppings. I hope he takes me up on it.

But while I wait for your response, Herman Cain, I must commend you on speaking your mind and recognizing how vegetables turn a manly pizza into a sissy pizza. You sir, would have my vote to run The Manly Man Company and are a true Unvegan Hero.