The Unvegan

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Taco Bell

Behold! The Cheesy Gordita Crunch...and partner.
Behold! The Cheesy Gordita Crunch…and partner.

People look at Taco Bell in many different ways. Some worry about the meat quality. Some are willing to wait 30 minutes for it on their lunch break. Some think it is true Mexican food. Some refuse to eat it. Whatever can be said about Taco Bell, there is no denying that it is a late-night refuge for the hungry and/or intoxicated.

I am lucky enough to have a Taco Bell in LA that is open until 4 am. Every time I go, I leave with a story, so with these thoughts in mind, I set off for Taco Bell around 2 am.

I ordered the Cheesy Gordita Crunch and the Cheesy Double Beef Burrito. A little-known fact about Taco Bell is that they always have the Cheesy Gordita Crunch available, whether it is on the menu or not. The Gordita Crunch is a soft shell wrapped around a hard shell with melted cheese in-between. Inside the hard shell is the tasty Taco Bell meat, lettuce, cheese and baja sauce (which I affectionately refer to as smizzle sauce). Another little-known fact is that without the lettuce, the Cheesy Gordita Crunch is perhaps the greatest culinary invention of the post-modern era. In fact, I once met the sister of the girl who “invented” the Cheesy Gordita Crunch at this very Taco Bell. Her think-tank must have been the greatest collection of minds since the Manhattan Project. It was quite a claim, but who was I to argue?

I coupled the gordita with the Cheesey Double Beef Burrito, which is filled with that magical mystery meat, nacho cheese and rice. I threw a little “fire” sauce on that to give it an extra kick and devoured the gordita and burrito in a jiff.

I left Taco Bell with a full stomach and a smile, which is all I could ever ask for in a meal at 2 am.