The Unvegan » Bacon

Hinano Cafe: The Diviest Cafe of Them All

The Unvegan — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:00:19 +0000

Which came first?

Ever walk into a “pizza parlor” that actually functions as more of a full-on Italian restaurant? Or how about a “Japanese place” that only serves sushi? We are constantly being misled into restaurants that either offer a lot more than expected or a lot less. And then there is Hinano Cafe in Venice, which only a crackhead would consider to be a cafe. You see, Hinano is pretty much the definition of a dive bar. Sawdust coats the floor, there are maybe five real tables and the two guys behind the bar take turns dishing out beer or flipping burgers on the lone griddle in the middle of the bar.

The most unique cafe ever.

We arrived about five minutes before the end of happy hour and walked up to the bar to order. Since the bar was called Hinano, it only seemed right to order Hinano Beer, which comes from Tahiti. I’m not sure whether the bar is named for the beer, vice-versa or if it is just a happy coincidence, but perhaps it is best to leave such questions in the realm of the chicken or the egg. As my buddy and I tried to order our beers, we were quickly met with a bad attitude as the bartender yelled, “Just tell me what kind of beers you want.” We were under the impression that we had been telling him what beers we wanted, but apparently this wasn’t the case. We repeated our orders and when he came back it was time to order food.

Food at Hinano, by the way, consists of anything that can be easily made on a griddle. And I mean easy, as they don’t even dive into the realm of teriyaki chicken. But I was here for one thing only – a burger. Hinano kind of has a reputation for their burgers, which are not only cheap, but supposedly damn good. Their cheeseburgers run the same price as regular hamburgers and anything can have bacon, hot links or chili added for an additional charge. They can also be stacked into a double for the same price as adding bacon. They usually come with smorgasbord of toppings like tomatoes, lettuce, pickles and onions, but I wanted none of these. I ordered myself a double cheeseburger with bacon, plain. In no time, my burger and a bag of chips were brought out to me. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that they don’t have a deep fryer, so Hinano is a no-French fry zone. Instead, every burger comes with Fritos, Doritos or Lay’s. And you don’t seem to get a choice of chips, as my friend requested Lay’s and wound up with a bag of Fritos.

It looks like my burger just vomited a pile of veggies.

But back to my burger.

It was sitting on a paper tray basking in its own beauty, which I suddenly realized a pickle was getting way frisky with my bun. By the time I arrived on the scene, he bun had been impregnated with the juices of the pickle and a huge chunk could not be salvaged. Damn you, pickle!

With partial bun removal behind me, I went to work on the burger, which was quite good. It was plenty juicy, what remained of the bun held its own and the American cheese had been melted to perfection. The bacon was at a fast food thickness and probably not worth the upgrade price, but still a nice addition. Sometimes nothing can quite beat a simple bacon cheeseburger prepared on a griddle in the middle of a dive bar. Yet, while I enjoyed the burger, I couldn’t help but think that similar burgers exist in diners across the country. I know I’ve had my fair share of burgers like this one, but it’s probably the setting and the price that makes people fall in love with their burgers and brings them back for more, moreso than the burgers themselves.

For my part, I thought that while the dive atmosphere was great, I’ve had better, less pretentious service at places like Father’s Office, which thrives on an air of superiority (although the Hinano burger definitely tastes better). If you need a change of pace, by all means, Hinano is going to give you that, but as you eat your burger you might want to ask yourself whether you like the burger or just like the idea of eating a simple burger in a dive setting. If this were truly a cafe, I just don’t think the burger would taste so good.

Expiring at Patrick’s Roadhouse

The Unvegan — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 17:00:06 +0000

Quick, before the lettuce attacks!

Through an act of charity (seriously), my lady friend and I found ourselves in possession of a gift certificate to Patrick’s Roadhouse in Santa Monica. The only catch was that this thing expired at the end of December. Being the go-getters we are, we finally made our way there on December 21st to get some brunch. When we arrived, we quickly learned that the whole menu wasn’t being served due to it being the manager’s last day. I’m not sure why that prompted a special menu, but it still looked great and we didn’t ask any questions.

While watching either well-trained children or midgets walk around to clear off plates, I realized a couple things. First, that I wanted the breakfast burrito. Second, that Patrick’s Roadhouse just may be in violation some sort of child labor laws. Rather than calling the authorities, though, I ordered my burrito. It came with egg, potatoes, avocado, cheese and a choice of bacon or sausage. I went with the bacon, then continued to watch the children as I awaited my meal.

Life inside the burrito is so much better than the salad on the outside.

It took a while, and that may have been due to hiring children to do the work of grown-ups, but when it arrived, I found my burrito under attack. Yes, a salad had found its way onto my plate and the leaves of lettuce seemed to be in the act of devouring my burrito. I brushed them away, and then attacked the burrito myself. Whether made by children or not, this was a damn good burrito. It was lacking in salsa, so I grabbed a bottle of hot sauce the waitress had left on the table and went to town. I found the burrito to have a nice balance of ingredients, with perhaps a few sections leaning too heavy on potato and egg. It didn’t have any special oomph or anything, but was certainly a worthy meal.

The salad ended up with my lady, and while I am happy it didn’t go to waste, it was still foolish for them to think I would have wanted such a thing with my burrito. Nonetheless, I was happy with Patrick’s Roadhouse. It didn’t offer anything especially creative, but the execution was right on.

Yolk-y with a Chance of Hair

The Unvegan — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:00:50 +0000

Hairless, I'm sure.

In the Windy City for a cold and lovely weekend, some friends, family and other converged upon a brunch place called Yolk in River North. On such a cold day, I was surprised to find such a long line of people waiting to get a piece of Yolk’s action. Despite claiming to have a 20-minutes wait, it was a good 35 minutes until we were seated. It was not a good sign of things to come, but a quick glance at the menu made me immediately forgot the wait it took to get there.

What I saw screamed unvegan at me and despite the disconcerting screaming, I know what I had to have. It was their Bacon Waffle & Eggs. Note the lack of a comma there, which meant that the bacon was a part of the waffle and not just a part of the meal. The menu elucidated a bit and claimed to have “crisp applewood bacon mixed throughout the batter.” Basically, it sounded like a dream come true for anyone in love with sweet, salty and meat. I ordered up my two eggs over easy to our incredibly friendly waiter and then waited for my bacon delight to arrive.

Hair translates to free brunch.

And when it came, it looked like a gift from heaven. At least until one of the others at the table pointed out a hair sitting on top of my eggs (thank the lord for the others). It clearly belonged to none of us table dwellers and the next time I saw the waiter I notified him of the hairy surprise. Not only did he play it off nicely, when he brought me my replacement dish he told me it was on the house. And then his manager came out and apologized for the problem. This stellar customer service not only redeemed the hairy surprise but the long wait surprise before being seated.

Check out that central bacon.

Now hairless, I dove into my dish with the fury of someone who hadn’t eaten a bite in 12 hours. My fury was quickly sated by the awesomeness of the bacon waffles. This was not my first foray into the world of bacon waffles, but it quickly became my best. The waffle had been done up Belgian-style, which gave them a perfect fluffiness to contrast with the crispiness of the bacon. I am usually not a man to ruin waffles by adding the overwhelming sweetness of syrup, but when I added syrup to this waffle, the combination of flavors danced upon my tongue like a star. Then, as a kicker, the waffle took on even greater flavor when I combined it with the runny yolks of the eggs. If there were anything I would change about this near-perfect breakfast, it would be to get the bacon more evenly distributed in the waffle. As it was, the majority of that cured meat made its way to the center of the waffle as if compelled by some sort of Higgs Boson.

Yet, that complaint is quite feeble, as Yolk did quite the job of treating me to an unvegan-worthy meal. If only all brunch could have the same ingredients and customer service, the world would be a much better place for me to eat at.

Jimmy’s Super Lunch to the Rescue

The Unvegan — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:00:47 +0000

Super, thanks for asking!

More than once, my work has taken me into the bowels of Glendale, past a little hole-in-the-wall called Jimmy’s Super Lunch. On the outside, it appears to be your average burger shack, but a quick look at the menu and at those working inside tells a different story. Jimmy’s appears to be a part of the trend of old burger places that are now run by Asians (family or otherwise) that now double as teriyaki chicken shacks. I encountered this with Irv’s, Twin Castle and Crown Burger and I’m now suspecting this is more of the norm than some sort of trend.

What differentiates this from all those other wall holes and from pretty much any burger place in the world is that it doesn’t have fries. You read that right: no fries!

They try to make up for the lack with chips, but I have no need to mess around with such things. Instead, I made up for it in my own way, by ordering the Double Bacon Cheeseburger ($4.60). I figured that ought to fill in for the lack of anything deep fried. Burgers at Jimmy’s come with lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, pickles, mustard and ketchup, but the unvegan version is ketchup-only.

Fast and flat food.

Within minutes, my double was ready and I was certainly glad I got the double, because it wasn’t exactly a sizeable burger. The patties were damn thin and obviously not hand-made, but still tasty. Each had its own piece of melted American cheese and a healthy dose of bacon. The bacon was nice and crisp, a good choice as per usual. Finally, the bun was an average poppy seed-laden burger holder, but had been tossed on the griddle for a nice bit of crisp. It was a nice touch, but not enough to make Jimmy’s anything more than what it was. Sure, it was a step up from fast food burger and it felt good to support such a hole-in-the-wall, but Jimmy’s is simply a good burger and not much else.

Nothing Mexican about Cafe Salsa

The Unvegan — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 16:00:02 +0000

I guess I'll have some meat pancakes.

Wandering the streets (err ummm street) of Rarotonga in the Cook Islands, waiting for our hotel to let us check in, we made our way to a part of the island called Avarua. Avarua is often referred to as “town” since it is the closest thing Rarotonga has to a town. As in any town, we got hungry and walked into the first place that looked delicious, called Cafe Salsa. Typically, a restaurant named as such would serve Mexican or some other Latin food, but this was not the case and the only thing remotely Mexican about the place was the name.

The view from their parking lot leaves a lot to be desired.

Instead, Cafe Salsa served up local Pacific foods and since clock was nowhere near noon yet, I kept my eyes glued to the breakfast and brunch part of the menu. Within a moment or two, my choice was made. This was the coconut pancakes with grilled banana and bacon, topped with maple syrup. It screamed awesome and unvegan at me, so I was excited to get involved with it and jump right into such a delicacy of the Pacific.

When it arrived, it was nothing short of beautiful and in no time I was deep in bacon, banana and pancakes. The pancakes were not light and fluffy, but were a little bit on the hearty side, which probably had something to do with the coconut cooked into them. Clearly, though, this was not intended to be a light and fluffy meal, as the bacon was piled onto the pancakes and added a nice salty balance to the otherwise incredibly sweet meal. And speaking of incredibly sweet, the bananas were some of the sweetest I had ever tasted.

I'd like some sugar on my sugar.

The fruit smoothie I got to go with the meal probably overdid the whole sugar factor, but it was totally worth it to get some of their fresh fruit in me, even in liquid form.

Cafe Salsa was a great way to begin my culinary journey of Rarotonga and I have a feeling I would have been back for another morning meal or two if my hotel wasn’t offering free breakfast every morning. Perhaps not Mexican, but Cafe Salsa sure did the salsa name justice.

Sonic Good is Just Pretty Good

The Unvegan — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 16:00:33 +0000

So this is what all those commercials were about...

About 10 or so years ago, the world began to see commercials for a fast food burger place called Sonic. These commercials were often both funny and hunger-inducing. Unfortunately, though, Sonics were only in select locations throughout the country. Yes it was annoying, but it was also genius, because it whet the appetite for Sonic with people who had never even seen the place. The idea was that when they would finally see one, whether in travel or with a new one being built, they would want nothing more than to devour their burgers. And it worked, at least on me. When I saw my first Sonic years ago while driving through Independence, Missouri, I just had to try it. I remember it being good, but this was pre-meat blog and in the middle of a cross-country road trip, so the memory is mostly blur filled with the knowledge that the meal kept my internal fuel running just as long as I needed it to.

But just this weekend, on the way to Las Vegas, I came across another Sonic and decided it needed a proper tasting. The town was Victorville, California, and the Sonic was just off the highway amidst some other tasty-looking fast food-esque restaurants. One thing unique about Sonic is their old-fashioned drive-in spots. Notice, I didn’t say drive-thru because while they have that, they also have the spots where you order from your car and a server brings out the food on roller skates. We opted for the drive-in, which I hadn’t experienced since I was a wee child at an A & W in Michigan.

Sonic Boom!

As for the food, the girlfriend told me their Cherry Lime Slush was unbeatable, so I started with one of those to split, then moved on to the big gun: The Super Sonic Bacon Double Cheeseburger. Although served with lettuce, tomato, onions and pickles, when I asked for it plain, it seemed fit for an unvegan. Then, to make the meal even more frightening, I ordered Chili Cheese Tots simply because I had never seen such substances offered on tots.

Sonic me some tots!

Soon enough, the food was roller skated out to greet us. I was a little disappointed with the lack of a window tray (like a regular fast food tray with things to stick it to the window like a table). I remember A & W had those, but perhaps they now only exist in memory. I opened up the burger to find it had been prepared perfectly, then I began to take it down. What I found was a pretty good bacon cheeseburger. And that’s kind of where it ends. In Sonic’s commercials, they would say, “It’s not just good, it’s Sonic good” but in my case it was just simply good. Ultimately it tasted like a fast food burger that was better than your typical fast food, but not good enough to reach the level of Five Guys Burgers and Fries or In-N-Out Burger. The tots were similarly good and while they earned Sonic points for creativity, they didn’t change the game.

Also, there was the Cherry Lime Slush. I do love me a slush and was happy to see that Sonic had them. The slush did deliver migraine-level brain freezes to each of us, but I still definitely appreciated the addition of these frozen beverages on the menu.

So for the gimmick of old-fashioned drive-in food, Sonic delivers some good food. Unfortunately it just isn’t quite good enough to merit multiple return visits based on the food alone.

Doubling Down at Townhouse

The Unvegan — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 16:00:41 +0000

Not in my Townhouse.

After seeing the frontrunner for Most Gratuitously Violent Movie of the Year (Drive, which is great by the way), some people might not have much of an appetite. Those people, though, are not unvegan and the sight of so much blood made me crave some meat. As we had seen the movie in the Sherman Oaks Galleria, my local valley friends took me to a place called Townhouse Kitchen + Bar. I knew little of what to expect, except that football would be on TV and this was a good start.

A quick look at the menu told me I would be getting a burger, and that burger would be the Fried Egg Burger. As we all know, I love me a fried egg on a burger. This thing was topped with the aforementioned fried egg, bacon, gouda, lettuce, tomato, pickles and onions. I asked for mine without any of the veggies and then played the waiting game. Fortunately, my waiting game was not nearly as bad as one of my valley friends, who waited just as long to get his beer as I did to get my burger. The burger wait wasn’t too long, but it was far longer than a wait should be for a beer. Nonetheless, in the middle of my own wait, I realized I had not been asked how I wanted my burger cooked. I was a little scared, but figured restaurants usually default towards the medium end.

Yes, you are looking at double patties.

Yet, when my burger arrived, I was in for a shock, and not due to vegetables as usual, because my plate was free from those bitter beings. No, the shock was my meat, which was not cooked medium and it was easy to see why he had not asked me how I wanted my meat cooked. Sitting on my bun were two patties of meat, both pretty thin and both cooked all the way through. In other words, it looked like they had cooked up two patties of grocery store frozen beef and served them to me. When I bit in, this was all but confirmed. Now, had I been at a friend’s BBQ, I would have been damn happy with the double burger, but at a restaurant I was more than a little disappointed. Yet, from the ashes of bad meat rose tasty toppings. I must admit that the gouda, bacon and egg combo worked out pretty nicely. The egg was nice and runny, although not to the extent that the plate was overflowing with yolk drippings. And of course the bacon and gouda were delicious.

Oh, the burger also came with fries, which were quite delicious. They almost made up for the…wait, no, not at all. Good fries never make up for bad beef. So, Townhouse, if you took the time to prepare some real patties, you could have some burgers worth bragging about. Instead, you hover somewhere between fast food and gourmet, which, in my world is known as no man’s land.

Missing Meat at The Parlor

The Unvegan — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 16:00:43 +0000

All looks well on the surface.

As a Michigan football fan, it is often difficult to pull myself out of bed and get to a bar for those awesome 9 am games (12 pm for those in Eastern Time). Thus, if I am going to a bar and not watching the game in the comfort of my abode, food is key. Now, I am a big fan of bar food, but it is the rare bar that has delicious breakfast. This week, the bar of choice was The Parlor on Melrose and my number one hope was that Michigan would destroy San Diego State and my number two hope was for some delicious breakfast. I can tell you now that I got at least one of those (spoiler alert: Michigan was a victor).

As for the other one, The Parlor’s breakfast menu was pretty decent and even offered some less breakfasty items like burgers. After a couple beers, though, I was in the mood for breakfast. I found the breakfast sandwich, which came with the choice of breakfast meats, egg and cheddar on a Hawaiian bread bun. It also came with a side of tots. Man, I love a menu with minimal vegetables and especially a sandwich without any intruders. Sometimes it just feels great to order straight up.

When my sandwich came, it sure looked delicious. The bun was glistening, the cheese was oozing and the bacon was poking out and taunting my mouth. When I bit in, I was instantly pleased with the sandwich. The Hawaiian bread was definitely a nice touch. But as I continued, I realized the sandwich could have gone from good to amazing with just a few small tweaks. 1. Although I liked the bun, there was a bit too much of it. 2. Perhaps I would not have noticed this if there had been more bacon. This is not some “everything can use more bacon complaint.” This is a real complaint from someone who paid $11 for a breakfast sandwich with one slice of bacon. 3. While scrambled eggs have their place, a runny fried egg really would have tied this sandwich together.

Alas, I was at a bar and not some fancy schmancy brunch joint. The sandwich was in no way bad, but little tweaks really could have elevated it to an awesome level. Meanwhile, the tater tots were a nice addition. I always love seeing those offered and The Parlor did a good job cooking them to typical tot standards. For a bar, The Parlor does have a worthy breakfast, but probably couldn’t hold its own if it were strictly a breakfast joint.

Hop to, Choppe Choppe

The Unvegan — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 16:00:59 +0000

Apples make the world go round.

Despite the insane amount of times I have eaten in downtown Culver City, a few restaurants have still managed to elude me. And I do mean a few. Choppe Choppe is one of these restaurants. Now I can proudly say that I have, in fact, eaten their food, but I can still say that the restaurant has eluded me. Oh, the twists and turns of life when your girlfriend picks up food for you. Now, I may not know the full extent of the menu, so I can’t comment on options, but she sure does know me and picked me out something to fit perfectly into my unvegan diet.

The meal was creatively called Market Chicken, and although I got the sandwich, the unique part of Choppe Choppe is that they have designed a number of menu items that work in a salad, sandwich or wrap. Salad is for the weak veggie-eaters, but the sandwich that she ordered me was beautiful, and I know she ensured that it had no veggies on it before delivering it unto her unvegan. The sandwich was filled with chunks of chicken, bacon, slices of green apple and ranch. Served on ciabatta bread, it wasn’t huge, but it packed a heavy punch.

Now that I’ve had apples on multiple burgers and sandwiches, I am still wondering what their ultimate use is. Apples aren’t exactly the sweetest fruit, so they are typically overwhelmed by strong savory taste. They offer crunch, but not as much as bacon. And they are a kind of neutral flavor, but then so is bread. So after all these tries, I have reached a conclusion: I love apples, but I’d rather see them on the side than in my sandwich. Game over. Will I turn down apples as a topping? No. But I also know that I really don’t need to seek it out.

But I digress, back to the sandwich. The ingredients, including said apples, tasted really fresh and beat the pants out of just about every fast food sandwich I’d ever had. The chicken was juicy and flavorful (both of which are supposedly traits of the Blue Foot Chicken used) and the bacon was crisp, plus there was just enough ranch to keep the sandwich moist without overpowering the flavors. The ciabatta also tasted fresh, had some good firmness and had just enough sponginess to make it easy to bite into and tear away from.

All in all, Choppe Choppe provided a pretty good sandwich. It didn’t blow me away with crazy revolutionary flavors, but it was good, reasonable and worth revisiting for a quick sandwich fix in downtown Culver City.

Keeping Crunchy at The Nacho Truck

The Unvegan — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 16:00:57 +0000

Looks classy...

In the grand explosion of gourmet food trucks, tacos have found themselves mixed with all sorts of craziness, from Korean BBQ to fish and grapes to kung pao chicken. Yet, in all this food truck excitement, the bastard cousin/side dish of the taco has been left behind. Yeah, I’m talking ’bout Shaft…err…nachos. But along came The Nacho Truck to remedy this sad predicament. Before this truck arrived at my office, I knew nothing of it, so my expectations were pretty low. Yet, as someone who doesn’t keep nearly enough track of food happenings in LA anymore, it is certainly possible that The Nacho Truck had simply flown/driven under my radar.

So what did these guys have to offer? For one, they had your classic gameday nachos, but with a certain gourmet look to them. They called these Friday night lights, with chili, something they called the best cheese sauce ever and jalapenos. They threw in a few more interesting twists to ordinary nachos and even had a caveat on the menu encouraging substitutions. God bless creativity. But for me, creativity wasn’t necessary as The Nacho Truck had dreamed up a set of nachos most meat blogworthy.

So pretty. So meaty. So sleepy.

Called The Flyover State, this nacho concoction consisted of BBQ baked beans, chili, bacon, chipotle corn, tillamook cheddar, blue cheese crumbles and BBQ ranch sauce. It weighed in a bit heavy at 9 bucks, so I was hoping these nachos would be as hearty as they sounded. But after choosing what I wanted, I still had to order and this took a solid 10 minutes. Not because of a line, but because the nacho crew was diligently putting together nachos for other patrons. Finally, I got my order in, waited another good 10 minutes and found myself looking at some wondrous nachos.

Clearly, they took their time with each order, yet I couldn’t help feeling there weren’t enough actual nachos. Until I started eating. I quickly discovered these nachos were plenty filling and plenty amazing. Rather than using corn, The Nacho Truck uses flour for their chips and the results are spectacular. I am definitely a convert, because these chips were not only tasty, but withstood the sauciness of the nachos to remain crunchy through and through. As for the toppings, I have to say I was a bit disappointed to find bits of peppers mixed into the debris. Fortunately, the flavors of bacon and beans were wildly overpowering and the peppers were hardly heard from. In fact, the flavors of the meal were almost too overpowering on the salty level. I actually wouldn’t have minded a bit less topping and a bit more chip to provide more balance. It was pretty much the opposite of what usually happens with nachos, when you are stuck eating plain chips in the end.

Yet, the power of the meat prevailed and made me damn happy this truck had made its way to the area of my working. The 9 bucks definitely provided a meal to fill me up and I would not pass up The Nacho Truck if a similar opportunity presented itself once again. Look out, tacos, the nachos are ready to do battle.