The Unvegan

A couple days ago I wrote about the new KFC Double Down, a sandwich full of promise for unvegans. Well, I couldn’t wait to get my mouth around one, so as soon as I could, I took a ride to KFC to see if the sandwich would live up to its potential. I ordered one for $4.99 and opened my bag of sandwiched goodness with great expectations.

What I found was something a little scary. Dear lord, those chicken breasts were huge and greatly overpowered everything else in the sandwich. Even more frightening, though, was the bacon. If you can really call it bacon. This flabby, rubbery substance resembled ham a lot more than bacon and seemed to be a little bleached to give off the bacony vibe. The sauce and the cheese looked decent, so I hoped that these would give the sandwich what it needed as I took a bite.

But they didn’t. The first bite wasn’t all bad, as it was mostly the classic KFC fried chicken, but when I reached the bacon, I discovered it was just as bad as it looked. It was actually kind of painful to eat, but eat I did. And it wasn’t easy, whether in bread or not, this sandwich would have been tough to eat. Each bite seemed saltier and saltier until I was gasping for a beverage. The cheese slid all around and at times I couldn’t figure out where I should take my next bite. In the end, I finished the thing, but I didn’t feel good about it afterwards. Clearly I am no proponent of healthy foods and I eat a lot of things that my momma isn’t happy about, but when I finished the Double Down, I just kind of felt crummy. It wasn’t the caloric intake, because the 540 calories really isn’t a lot, but it just seemed poorly executed. In defense of this breadless sandwich medium, I don’t think these ingredients would have tasted good in together in any form.

I believe there is a bright future in the world of breadless sandwiches and this first attempt, while certainly a pioneer in the field, just wasn’t a success. But as they say, you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs, and I look forward to a future where my steak sandwiches involve a bunch of tasty ingredients bookended by two nice slices of steak.