The Unvegan

While trying to be environmentally conscious, my office invited environmentally-friendly Green Truck over for some lunch. At first I was frightened by this, since the term “green” has taken on a pretty anti-meat connotation. It’s a damn shame, too, since green is the second-best color in the world. The best, of course, being orange. But I digress, back to some truckery. Despite the frightening name, the Green Truck did have some unvegan choices, including hot dogs and hamburgers. Even before heading out to the truck, I checked out the menu and decided I wanted one of their hot dogs. What’s more environmentally friendly than hot dogs? Well I guess since they are Niman Beef, they are quite advantageous for the environment.

So even though I had decided what I wanted before hitting the truck, upon arrival I found something a bit more enticing. It was still a hot dog, but this special was called The Doberman. Unfortunately, it was not a real doberman, but a hot dog topped with cheese and hot sauce for 7 bucks, just a buck more than the normal dog. When ordering, I asked if it came with anything except those unvegan goodies, and it didn’t, so I was happy. To join my dog, I ordered some of their rosemary garlic fries for another 3 bucks, then waited with lukewarm expectations.

When my doberman was ready, I looked at it in disappointment. I don’t know what I had been expecting, but this certainly was not it. No, there weren’t any vegetables, but instead there was a hot dog topped with generic shredded cheese and a squirt of hot sauce. From the looks of it, this was more of a pug than a doberman. Then there were the fries. At first glance, they looked like leftover microwaved fries, which are usually pretty terrible. I hoped that this was one of those “don’t judge a book by its cover” situations and started eating.

Before I even had the chance to take the first bite of the doberman, the bun began to fall apart. Had they used some sort of special environmental dough to make these buns? If so, it was a bad choice that made me struggle throughout my hot dog. And it tasted just how it looked. While the hot dog itself was pretty great, the cheese and hot sauce on top were a total waste and not at all worth the extra buck. At 7 bucks total, this hot dog should have cured rabies, but instead, rabies is still a huge global epidemic (wait, what?). Once I got over rabies, I took down the fries. These were actually much better than they looked. Despite being translucent, they had a nice crunch to them, but tasted a lot more like rosemary than potatoes. I like rosemary, but fries should still taste like fries.

So in the end, a flimsy bun, a sad attempt at hot sauce and high prices doomed the Green Truck for me. I’d save a million environments if I could, but I don’t feel like I have to sacrifice eating great food to do so.