Debt ceiling got you down? War and instability in the Middle East making you feel unloved? Casey Anthony getting away with murder pissing you off? I get it, the world is having some problems, but such problems are nothing compared to the biggest problem the world is currently facing: Bacon Prices. Cue the wailing.

That’s right. According to a report from CNBC, “Bacon prices are expected to soar this summer…” and this isn’t some terrible joke about pigs flying.

The report appears to be mostly concerned of the crisis’s impact on BLTs, but I’m really only concerned about the Bs. The cause of the problem seems to be the price of whatever it is they feed pigs to make them taste amazing. I just think this is some kind of vegan conspiracy and I’ll tell you why. Pigs eat the same food vegans eat and I think vegans are eating so much pig food that pigs are running low on supplies. The higher demand means higher prices and that means less tasty meat.

So, vegans, stop eating the food that pigs eat. If you fail in this, you have been warned of the wrath of not just hungry pigs, but hungry unvegans everywhere.

(via CNBC.com and Slanny Dilverperson)

Apparently in South America, there is no need for Viagra. According to Argentinian President Cristina Fernandez, all it takes is some porking…err…pork. The Cleveland Reader reports that, “…she spent a satisfying weekend with her husband after eating barbecued pork.”

She thinks it tastes a lot nicer than a Viagra pill and I’ve never heard of anyone having a 10-hour hard-on after chowing on some pig.

Argentina is much better known for their beef and lamb, but pork could gain some headway with the huge endorsement from Fernandez.

So for trying her best to help the pork industry and having some great time with her husband after eating pig, Cristina Fernandez, you are a true Unvegan Hero!

(via The Cleveland Leader)