The gotcha media folks have been especially hard on Herman Cain. And why? Just to get a good story and learn more about the man who once wanted to be president? For shame. Rest assured, Herman, while you won’t be the President of the United States, I am here with your fallback plan.

Question the extramarital affairs all you’d like, but know one thing about Herman Cain: the man appreciates his meat. In glaringly perfect English, Mr. Cain did an interview with GQ and while it covered a range of boring subjects, I managed to glean one great morsel of news from it. When Devin Gordon asked about pizza toppings, Cain responded with, “A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.”

And who am I to disagree? His morals may be off, but his mouth-palette is on like Donkey Kong. So while his run for the White House may be dead and gone, the least I can do is offer him a role as King of Pizza Toppings. I hope he takes me up on it.

But while I wait for your response, Herman Cain, I must commend you on speaking your mind and recognizing how vegetables turn a manly pizza into a sissy pizza. You sir, would have my vote to run The Manly Man Company and are a true Unvegan Hero.

(via GQ.com)

Look at the man in that picture and yourself the question you ask anyone when you first see them: Would you elect them as president? Now, let’s forget about the fact that this man oversaw unparalleled economic growth during eight years of glorious peace. No, just judge him on looks.

You see, I would not elect this man just based on his looks. He seems malnourished and could use a few steaks. A few years ago, maybe he would have accepted those steaks or at least burger, but the Bill Clinton of today is a completely different animal – the herbivore variety of animal.

Ok, so he may have medical reasons for becoming a vegan. You know, a couple of heart procedures will do that to you. But whatever the reason, I am glad he is no longer the President of the United States. Respecting a vegan politician is like respecting a fat one – it just doesn’t happen (sorry, Taft). Yet, he could subside on the blood of newborns and still be a more respectable politician than W. Malnourished or not, there is a line.

(via CNN.com)

If you haven’t heard the news, PETA has issued an ad against fur, which features poorly Photoshopped pictures of Tyra Banks, Carrie Underwood, Oprah Winfrey and Michelle Obama. You may wonder how PETA can use the first lady for something like this and according to the White House, they cannot. But you know how PETA likes to do things…if they have to break the law to get their message out, they will. Well if PETA can use an unauthorized image of Michelle Obama in their ads, then I feel totally justified in making her an Unvegan Hero.

First off, I’m pretty sure the Obamas eat meat. At the very least, I know our POTUS Barack does, as he has paid visits to some delicious burger joints in DC. Also, did you know that PETA is classified as a terrorist organization by the USDA? That’s kind of a big deal, and for our first lady to support a terrorist organization would be pretty remarkable. Terrorist fist bump notwithstanding.

Well, PETA has done their best to kiss ass to the White House, saying how “fabulous” our first lady is. I doubt that kind of empty flattery works on the wife of the most powerful man in the world.

So, for being “fabulous” and not supporting the terrorists of PETA, Michelle Obama, you are a true Unvegan Hero!

**Update: PETA is pulling their ad. One small victory for unvegans everywhere!**