How many times have you sat around late at night eating either Taco Bell, Doritos or both and thought how amazing it would be to combine the two? I know I have. So when Taco Bell first started testing their new Doritos Locos in Fresno and Bakersfield last year, I was almost tempted to pay one of those cities a visit. Thankfully, I did not make the mistake of setting foot in one of those cities, and the testing was obviously a success, because at midnight this morning Taco Bell rolled out their Doritos Locos Tacos for the nation. If you’re unfamiliar with the Doritos Locos, they are essentially your regular or supreme tacos, but with a giant Nacho Cheese Dorito as the shell. Usually I can wait to try Taco Bell’s new products, but for this I had to be there right at midnight.

When we pulled into the drive-thru, we were shocked to find the place deserted. The clock had just struck midnight and I had expected a throng of people to be eagerly anticipating the launch of their glorious new tacos. Confused, we asked if they were doing the Doritos tacos thing and they replied by asking us if it was midnight yet. Hell yes it was (wait, were we one about to be one of the first few people to get our mitts on these things on the West Coast?), so we proceeded to order our tacos, mine without lettuce of course.

Before going any further, I should mention here that the shell (at least on opening night) could only be used for regular or supreme tacos. There was no room for chicken tacos or gordita crunches because apparently the shell isn’t equipped to handle them. This was sad, but I can only hope that in time the same engineering geniuses that made a Dorito into a taco shell will be able to make the taco shell strong enough to handle other meats and/or cheese dousings.

But back to the tacos.

These guys were so special that not only did they come in a regular wrapper, but also a sort of Doritos Locos Tacos envelope sleeve. This struck me as a potential waste of packaging, but it also occurred to me that these sleeves were likely there to preserve the shell and prevent it from cracking under pressure like hard shells often do.

Finally, I bit in and came face-to-face with glory. This shell was everything I had ever wanted it to be and nothing more. How could there be anything more? My expectations were so astronomically high that they couldn’t possibly be exceeded, but they were met. The combination of that perfect Doritos taste combined with the Taco Bell meat flavoring that simply can’t be reproduced (even when you buy the Taco Bell branded seasoning at the store) joined each other in perfect harmony. It was a match made in fake Mexican food heaven, and it was all mine. Really, the only downside was the saltiness, which should be expected when you eat such things, so be sure to keep water on hand if you are going Locos.

I really hope this thing gets big and stays big, because I know more than a few people who would love to see the Doritos Locos expand into Cool Ranch and Spicy Nacho. Hey, if Taco Bell could pull off something of this magnitude with Doritos, I’m pretty sure they could do anything.

Last week I gave a speech at Toastmasters. It was about food. But not toast. Here is the transcript:

Right now it’s about lunchtime, but if you’re anything like me, you’re probably wondering what you’re going to eat for dinner. When looking for a good dinner, I have a set of criteria to help me determine whether the place is worth my while.

First – I don’t want the same old thing.
Second – I’m looking for something creative.
Third – I want meat.
Fourth – The price must be right.
Fifth and finally – The meal should give me a good story.

So what restaurant fits that bill and should be your dinner tonight? None other than Taco Bell!

You see, I love Taco Bell. A lot. Some of you may know about my food blog and think I’m only into gourmet stuff, but I am just as happy with a meal from Taco Bell as I am with a pizza from Pizzeria Mozza. This love is deep and goes back to when my age was a single digit and I would go every Thursday with my dad and eat two soft tacos and some nachos. You probably think I’m crazy, and maybe I am, but it really does fit into that set of criteria I just mentioned.

To start off, Taco Bell is not the same old thing. If you’re tired of eating Mexican food, fear not, because Taco Bell is not Mexican food. Alright, it may be inspired in some way by the delicious cuisine south of the border, but Taco Bell has stepped up its game and created incredible dishes that the Mayans never dreamed of while mashing corn and predicting the end of the world.

Second, you just can’t question the creativity of Taco Bell. Do you realize how brilliant the minds at their headquarters are? I’m pretty sure Taco Bell has turned about 6 ingredients into 50 different menu items. From gorditas to chalupas to five-layer burritos, the menu possibilities of Taco Bell seem endless. Whenever a new item is released I’m amazed to see how they managed to use beef, cheese, a tortilla and beans to create an entirely new product. If that isn’t genius, I don’t know what is.

The epitome of this creativity is called the Cheesy Gordita Crunch. It’s a hard shell beef taco wrapped in a gordita with melted cheese holding the two shells together. To top it all off, they squirt some baja sauce into the taco part, which ties this epic culinary creation together. You can see the creativity just oozing out of it. Throw some fire salsa on top of that and you’ll be breathing and sweating creativity for the rest of your night.

Third, Taco Bell has the meat. I don’t know if any of you were paying attention to the fast food news a few months ago, but someone did research into Taco Bell’s beef and found that it was only 88% beef, with the rest being seasonings and other extraneous bits of deliciousness. Some were outraged, but I can’t understand why. To me this was great news. 88% beef, like from an actual cow! I’ll take 12% beef as long as it’s real and tastes as amazing as Taco Bell.

The fourth reason why you should go to Taco Bell for your next meal is the price. There’s really no questioning that Taco Bell offers some of the cheapest food this side of a Costco Hot Dog. For the price of valet at Beverly Hills restaurant, you can churn out a hell of a feast. You know how a lot of places brag about their dollar menu? Taco Bell laughs at these places with a menu that starts at 89 cents! Start with nachos for an appetizer, a five layer burrito and a taco for your main course and some cinnamon twists for dessert. It will be the greatest meal you’ve ever eaten for a whole 3 dollars and 76 cents. Throw in a handful of those sauce packets and you’ll have yourself a meal worth writing a speech about.

The fifth and final reason you should go to Taco Bell for your next meal is to get a great story. I can’t tell you any restaurant in the world that has given me so many great stories, like the one time I was standing in line with a friend at the Taco Bell in Santa Monica. A girl came up to us and told us we had to order the Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Little did she know that we were already ordering this culinary wonder. She then proceeded to tell us how her sister had actually invented the gordita crunch. If the president offered out his hand for me to shake right now, I’d be pretty excited about it. But that would pale in comparison to meeting the sister of the inventor of the gordita crunch. If you find yourself at Taco Bell tonight, maybe you’ll have an even better story!

Wow, this is making me hungry.

And if your mouth isn’t watering right now, check your pulse because you may be dead. Taco Bell fits into my eating criteria perfectly and it should also fit into yours. It’s not just the same old Mexican food, the creativity knows no bounds, is made with 88% beef, is unfairly cheap and can lead to a fantastic story. Oh and did I mention how great it tastes? Those are the ingredients for the perfect meal. So head for the border tonight. You won’t be sorry.

I few months ago, one of the dirty old Taco Bells near me was knocked down. At first, I was upset, but considering the fact that this Taco Bell was only open ’til 11:00 pm (even on weekends!), it wasn’t a huge loss. Then, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, construction began on a new Taco Bell in the same place! For months I have waited with bated breath for the grand opening. Driving by it every day, there was no sign as to when it would open, other than the increasing amount of lights and paint. Finally, I passed the new Taco Bell last week and saw patrons inside! A grande opening indeed! I took this as a sign that I needed to stop in and test out their new Beefy 5-Layer Burrito.

I walked up to the counter with an anticipatory grin on my face and ordered this new burrito. What makes this burrito different than all other bean, cheese, meat and sour cream burritos is that it takes that outer tortilla shell, coats it in cheese sauce and then wraps another tortilla around it. Since I love the cheese layer in the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, I hoped that this layer of cheese could take the burrito to a new level. I ordered.

I took my waiting time as an opportunity to ask if they would be open past 11:00 now. To my displeasure, the answer was no. But then to my immediate pleasure, my burrito was ready. In my first bite, there was no cheese sauce layer, but I took another bite and the cheese started flowing. This new burrito was a pretty good effort by the good people at Taco Bell who still manage to come up with new ideas, despite using all the same ingredients. It’s a great way to make a regular burrito more interesting and it would be cool to see this cheese layer as an option for every burrito they have. It can’t replace the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, but makes a good backup for only 89 cents.

I started seeing ads for Taco Bell’s new Black Jack taco last week and I knew I had to test it out. There is just something so intriguing about taco shells in different colors, like when they did the red Volcano Taco. As long as they don’t release some sort of awful green-shelled taco with organic vegetables, I will continue checking out these taco color varieties.

When I pulled up to the drive-thru window at my local TB, I asked what came in the Black Jack Taco. The voice in the box told me it was ground beef, Baja sauce, lettuce and a blend of three shredded cheeses. In other words, it is a Cheesey Gordita Crunch without the outer gordita shell and cheese layer. But let’s not forget that this also has a black shell. I ordered mine without lettuce and then set off to do my tasting.

It’s been a long time since I’ve ordered a regular-sized taco at Taco Bell before, so I was a little surprised by how small it was. Even so, I would rather have my taco small and lettuce-free than large and stuffed with green things. I bit into my taco and it tasted exactly how I expected. It was like the innards of the Cheesey Gordita Crunch. The black shell was a nice touch, but tasted no different than the yellow shell. At 89 cents, it’s a good deal if you’re worried you don’t have enough stomach space for an additional gordita, but for anyone that can tackle a healthy amount of Taco Bell, the Cheesey Gordita Crunch is a better option. Now if only they could stick that black shell inside the gordita…