The Unvegan

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This is as meaty as Whole Foods gets.
This is as meaty as Whole Foods gets.

Despite all of my kicking and screaming and my best attempts to avoid it, I found myself stuck at Whole Foods Market in El Segundo with some colleagues for lunch.

If I ate fiber, the very concept of Whole Foods would go against every fiber of my being. It takes seemingly untouchable products like potato chips and makes them healthy (tasteless). This Whole Foods in particular jumped to a whole new level of anti-unvegan, offering all sorts of food cooked-to-order. I got chills as I walked by what I believe was an entire olive bar, but I was afraid to make eye contact for fear of burning my retinas. I shuddered as I walked past the multiple salad bars and finally made it to what seemed like a safe haven, the Mexican section. The Ranchero Burrito, with carne asada, looked like a decent unvegan choice, so I ordered mine with cheese, salsa, rice and beans, being careful to avoid the Pico de Gallo and potentially dangerous greens.

When the burrito came in its brown box I had to admit that it looked pretty good. I cut off my first piece with slightly raised expectations and found it wasn’t totally terrible. I finished it pretty quickly, but I was still hungry. There was probably a lot of extra space in the burrito for the sad fools who were duped into eating their burritos with veggies, but I would rather be a little hungry than fill my empty spaces with vegetables.

It’s nice to know that I won’t starve if I’m ever stuck in a Whole Foods again, but it’s still not the kind of food I’m willing to go out of my way to eat.