Michael Bloomberg, or should I say, Mayor Bloomberg of New York hasn’t exactly been much of a meat man in the past. As one of the richest men in the world, he decided to dedicate the rest of his life to public service in 2001. In truth, I know little to nothing of his politics, but I do know the man loves his steak.

Just recently he was interviewed and a reporter asked him what his favorite vegetable was. He replied, “Steak.” Simply amazing. Mayor Bloomberg is a man who understands that there is no place in the food pyramid for vegetables. Some people are in uproar because he once claimed iceberg lettuce to be his favorite vegetable. Lucky for unvegans everywhere, he has seen the light and now knows the grave importance of steak.

Maybe he can make a law that classifies steak as a vegetable. Is that too much to ask? No, it isn’t.

So for loving steak and ignoring the existence of vegetables, Michael Bloomberg, you are a true Unvegan Hero!

(via NY Daily News)

A lot of unvegans avoid vegetables due to ethical or taste-related reasons, but for some, the hatred goes much deeper. Vicki Larrieux is one of these people. Not content just disliking vegetables, Larrieux has actually developed a phobia for vegetables.

The Telegraph reports that, “She suffers from a fear known as lachanophobia, which leaves her sweating and stricken with panic attacks at the merest sight of a sprout or a pea.” I had no idea that being unvegan could have such an awesome Greek word to go along with it.

Unfortunately, lachanophobia isn’t really awesome. It makes trips to the grocery store and restaurants pretty difficult. The life of an unvegan isn’t always full of glory and Larrieux has done a great job of pointing out some of the difficulties.

For showing that vegetables can cause internal strife, Vicki Larrieux, you are a true Unvegan Hero!

(via Telegraph)

Horton Hears a Who!, by Dr. Seuss is a beloved children’s book that was recently developed into a major film. Anti-abortion people commandeered this book as a sort of anti-abortion manifesto and used the movie to stage protests. After all, how could you misinterpret the line, “a person’s a person, no matter how small”? Well, none of the characters in the book are technically “people,” so the logic kind of gets skewed. Instead, I would like to offer up an interpretation of this book as an anti-vegan manifesto and re-interpret the main line as “an animal’s an animal, no matter how small.”

Confused?

Allow me to elaborate. Although being small in size, the Whos of this children’s book are strongly affected by the larger world they are a part of. In my interpretation of the book, the Whos represent insects. Very few people think of insects as animals, but they surely are, despite their tiny size. They are complex organisms with a nervous system that just might be capable of feeling pain, yet they are all-too-often forgotten about in any sort of debate between vegans and carnivores.^[1]

Of course, I’m not simply talking about the swatting of a fly, but the destruction of countless insects via the use of pesticides. A study from 2007 showed over 400 million acres of cropland in the USA.^[2] There are an estimated 40 million insects per acre of land.^[3] Even if only half of this cropland employs pesticides that are only 50% effective, the number of insects killed is still painfully high. This doesn’t even take into consideration the number of insects that are simply sterilized by insecticides. Sterilizing an insect sounds like torture to me and I venture to say it is more torturous than searing beaks off of chickens. Remember, just because our range of vision allows us to see the chickens more clearly doesn’t mean they are in more pain.

The amount of insects killed by pesticides is a tragedy in itself, but these insects aren’t the only poor creatures affected. Use of DDT did considerable damage to the ecosystem and even contributed to the endangerment of the California condor (which is one of the animals that vegans probably actually care about). Although it’s now banned in the US, DDT is still in use in developing countries like China. Even without DDT, our current pesticides aren’t exactly healthy.^[4] In 2004, tests found that current pesticides called chlorpyrifos and methyl parathion have been found in average people at levels 4.6 times more than what is acceptable.^[5] I can only imagine how much worse the count must be for animals eating the same vegetables. This is just another hidden danger in eating vegetables.

Sometimes people who aren’t even eating the vegetables have to suffer. In 1984, a pesticide plant in Bhopal, India killed an estimated 18,000-27,000 people.^[6] It was a major tragedy that wouldn’t have happened if not for the use of pesticides.

But back to the insects.

I know insects aren’t as cute as chickens or cows, but that doesn’t make them any less conscious. Some ants are so smart that they have developed the ability to farm aphids. Yet, somehow vegans find it necessary to protect animal species like cows and chickens that wouldn’t even exist if they hadn’t been domesticated by humans thousands of years ago.

As a staunch unvegan, I recognize the need for animal products in the world. I don’t really wear animal products and would love if all animals were free range, but I also know that for me to eat, animals must die. Whether it is the tiniest aphid or the biggest cow, animals cannot escape human hunger. Fortunately for the insect world and my own conscious, I have chosen to eat meat rather than vegetables. According to GotAngus.com, a typical cow will provide 400 to 600 pounds of meat. This translates into around 300 meals. Even a single chicken provides enough food for at least four meals. It’s amazing how few animals really have to be killed to sustain an unvegan.

Sadly, many people have chosen a different path. This path leaves a wake of animal destruction behind and is called eating vegetables. A single vegetable can hardly sustain an entire meal, yet dozens of insects sacrificed their lives just so it could grace the plate of a vegetable-eater before being devoured. And it doesn’t even taste good.

Now I fully expect vegans to have a retort. They’ll say that there are so many insects in the world (in fact they comprise an estimated 80% of the animal world), who cares if a small percentage is killed by pesticides? They’ll probably say they don’t support pesticides, while forgetting the other countless numbers of insects killed during harvest. Honestly, I don’t really care about insects at all. But if it’s okay to kill so many insects, what is wrong with hunting deer when it doesn’t affect their population? Or the slaughter of cows and other domesticated animals that will be bred to maintain their populations?

It all boils down to one main point. For you to eat, an animal has to die. It’s up to you to decide whether you eat the animal directly or just try to forget about the hundreds of little animals that indirectly gave up their lives for your meal. And remember, even though you can’t see or hear them at all, an animal’s an animal, no matter how small.

¹: http://www.cell.com/retrieve/pii/S0092867403002721

²: http://www.ers.usda.gov/StateFacts/US.htm

³: http://courses.washington.edu/insects/454Students/Resources/quotes.htm

⁴: http://www.chem.unep.ch/ddt/DDTProfiles/China.html

⁵: http://www.sustainabletable.org/issues/pesticides/

⁶: http://www.infoplease.com/ce6/world/A0807434.html

(via CBC)

Looks like you really don’t make friends with salad. In another vegetable-related salmonella case, lettuce from Tanimura & Antle Inc. seems to have been tainted with a nasty little uninvited guest. The company has issued a recall on 22,000 cartons of romaine lettuce, but to be safe I will avoid eating all products that could be related to lettuce. Specifically, all vegetables.

(via AP)

In an incident unrelated to the last alfalfa attack, there is now a food company in Culver City, California recalling their alfalfa.

This time it’s from Kowalke Organics. They say it isn’t safe to eat a few of their products, which can be found here. Interestingly enough, they are primarily sold in the fancy grocery stores like Gelson’s and Whole Foods.

I am of the opinion that it’s never entirely safe to be eating raw vegetables, but when salmonella is involved, it just gets that much worse.

(via LA Times)

One of the nights that I was visiting my grandparents in Rancho Mirage, we went to a restaurant called Thai Smile. There was a 20 minute wait, but I was assured that it would be worth it. Besides, I really had nothing better to do.

While waiting, we checked out the menu so we could order as soon as we got our table. It really took me a long time to decide what to order because the Chicken Spicy Peanut Sauce looked great except that it had green beans and peppers, while I could just create my own dish, but none of the customizable items looked as good as the chicken dish.

When we did eventually take our seats, I asked the waiter if I could get the Chicken

Spicy Peanut Sauce without the vegetables and he told me they couldn’t, because it was already mixed together. This was disheartening, but I took the chance anyway, hoping the vegetables would be big enough to avoid. My risk paid off, and when my food arrived I found it pretty easy to eat without the vegetables.

The chicken tasted really good and had just enough spice in it to make my nose run and my forehead sweat, but didn’t sacrifice any of the peanut flavor to do so.

Through my sweat and semi-runny nose, Thai Smile’s food really did make me smile. I would definitely go back next time I’m in Rancho.

Environmental Graffiti recently posted an awesome entry about vegetables that look decidedly un-vegetable. In fact, they look like they could be animals. It should serve as a warning to all unvegans out there that things are not exactly as they seem. Just like vegans can make tofu taste pretty similar to a turkey, these vegetables can look a lot like animals, but they will never be a substitute for the real thing. Check the rest out here.

It’s bad enough that Enoki Mushrooms are funghi. I mean really, if they were called “Enoki Funghi,” would anyone eat them? No, of course not. The term funghi conjures up images of athlete’s foot, slime molds and that strange thing that grew in your yard as a kid that you knew you shouldn’t have eaten, but did anyway, and then your parents had to call poison control and pump your stomach. Those things are all similar enough to Enoki Mushrooms that I won’t touch them, but now throw in listeria monocytogenes and you have a severe case of When Vegetables Attack!

Give me meat and let my stomach digest in peace.