In the world of DC burgers, it seems that one name stands above the rest: Ray’s Hell Burger. Originally conceived as a spot to bank on the discarded scraps from Ray’s the Steaks, Ray’s Hell Burger is on its third iteration, going by the name of Ray’s to the Third. It’s technically in Rosslyn/Arlington, Virginia and luckily so was I.

So if you were about to play in a basketball tournament the following day, which of the glorious burgers do you think you would choose? I went with the Brimstone Burger, which is probably the unlikeliest pre-basketball burger to be conceived. It was topped with “purgatory” chili, “Vermont” cheddar, “red raw” onions and “charred” jalapenos. I went with medium rare and of course without the onions. I also put in an order for a side of Macaroni and Cheese.

The burger came out looking like…well…not a burger. The patty was nowhere to be found and this was a surprise because I ordered the 10 oz. Big Devil size. With a little probing, I found it was hidden under the pile of chili and it was a perfect medium rare. There was no way I could even attempt to eat it with my hands, so I went to town on it with a fork and knife. It was, well, damn good (pun intended). The chili was a beautiful mix of beef and beans, the cheddar was as it should be and the jalapenos gave the thing a slight kick. Unquestionably it was a good burger, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I ordered wrong. Considering Ray’s claim to fame was the use of steak trimmings for burgers, it might not have been the best idea to cover it in chili. I’m not complaining because it great, yet the nagging suspicion wouldn’t go away.

As for the mac and cheese, it was just fine. But that’s it. Cheesy, macaroni-y, but nothing above and beyond regular mac and cheese.

Ray’s to the Third was pretty great. Even though I might not have ordered the best burger, it was probably the best chili burger I’ve ever had. The mac and cheese could use a little work, but as long as they keep churning out burgers like mine I don’t think the sides are really a concern.

Over in Tyson’s Corner, Virginia is a restaurant that loves to rhyme. It’s called Chef Geoff’s and it’s not the only one. In fact, there seem to be Chef Geoffs’ all around the DC area. This Chef Geoff’s had an interesting menu ranging from Fish Tacos to Madras Curry Chicken. And while this may seem like a huge range, it wasn’t such a big menu that it still felt somewhat focused. So, while deciding, I had myself a pint of CG (Chef Geoff’s) Northwest Ale, which is brewed locally just for Geoff and his collection of rhyming restaurants.

For my meal, I got the Spaghetti & Meatballs, because they seemed best for my unvegan needs. Composed of veal/pork/beef, the meatballs also had some basil, ricotta and grana padano (whatever that means). And it turned out they were pretty damn tasty. After all, it’s hard to go wrong with three meats. The sauce and the noodles were just fine as well, but they took a backseat to them meatballs.

While this was both satisfying and filling, the wife and I decided to split a dessert, but on the light side. We got the Mixed Berries, which came with honey and mascarpone cream. To be honest, the honey wasn’t necessary because fruit is already plenty sweet. But nonetheless, the cheese was a good addition, as cheese usually is.

In all, Chef Geoff put together a pretty good meal. Nothing particularly stood out as overly creative, but it was well-executed and seemed to be a nice, reliable spot for a bit of an upscale meal.

Some cities have restaurants that have been around since the beginning of forever. In Washington, D.C., that place is Ben’s Chili Bowl, which I believe has been serving up chili since the Lincoln presidency. No? Well Eisenhower is close enough. Our current POTUS has paid the place a visit at least once and according to a sign is one of only two people (aside from his family) that eats free. The other, obviously, is Bill Cosby.

My trip to Ben’s Chili Bowl started out ominously. After waiting in line for more than 30 minutes and marveling at the inefficiency (perhaps some spillover from congress?), I had to run to a show down the street before ordering. Upon my return, however, I snagged a spot at the counter and was (at least in Ben’s Chili Bowl time) quickly waited upon.

I ordered myself a Chili Half-Smoke, which is a quarter pound of pork/beef sausage topped with chili, onions and mustard. I also had some chili cheese fries because it would have been stupid not to.

The food could have come faster. Surely at any Coney Island in the Detroit area it would have, but when it did come it was a beauty. The Half-Smoke was spilling over with chili (and no onions because you know how I roll) and had a delicious kick to it. In fact, it was pretty similar to Detroit-style chili, without the onions, with what I believe was cumin and absolutely no beans to be found. The big difference was the half-smoke, which has some nice and crispy skin with a delicious snap. The bun held up well, but rightly only existed as an attempt to keep things clean.

The chili cheese fries were exactly what they should have been. Doused in a cheese sauce in addition to the chili, the fries held up pretty well. Plus, the cheese sauce seemed unique in some sense, as opposed to being some ordinary nacho-esque sauce.

Undoubtedly this was a tasty meal that lived up to the hype. The only problem was the wait. Hype is one thing to live up to, but lines are another thing entirely. If Ben’s Chili Bowl can get their shit together and pump out tasty chili at a greater speed, I would be eager to get back to it. As it stands now, I’ll probably only make my way back if the moment is right.

Out in Arlington, Virginia, a friend brought us to a restaurant called Lost Dog Cafe. Knowing quite literally nothing about the place beforehand, I was happy to see that it not only had a huge selection of beers, but also a vast selection of sandwiches and pizzas. And I do mean huge. The sandwich list had 53 options, and that doesn’t include the “Create Your Own Sandwich” section. Not only that, these were some pretty creative sandwiches and not just your simple pastrami and turkey. After a long deliberation and just a quick peak at the pizza menu, I settled upon a sandwich that I hoped would be worthy of an unvegan like myself.

It was simply named The Bird, and was a toasted sub roll loaded with garlic chicken, tomato sauce, then topped with melted parmesan and mozzarella cheese. I also got myself a side of their Italian fries (oven-baked waffle fries with some seasoning). That’s right, I have a weakness for waffle fries and will almost always order them any time they are available.

Pretty quickly, my bird flew out to greet me and looked beautiful. It actually looked like a lasagna inside bread more than a sub sandwich, but fortunately I could still pick it up and eat it. Well sort of. The juices had already seeped through the back end of the weak sub bread, cutting the sandwich in two, but I would not let this force me into a knife and fork. I dug in with hands only and came face-to-face with a beautiful mix of chicken, sauce and cheese. The chicken breast had been cut into small pieces and was juicy and easy to take down.

The oven-baked waffle fries were quite different from the usual waffle fry, but still damn delicious. The seasoning wasn’t very strong at all and these guys needed some ketchup, but that was just fine by me.

Having destroyed The Bird and fries, I was a full man, and happy. Lost Dog Cafe served me well and I could go back another 52 times without getting the same sandwich twice. But if I could offer any sort of advice, it would be to upgrade that sub bread. While it tasted good, it was just not up to snuff as far as containing the juicy delights within.

I was still recovering from Thanksgiving when a friend suggested Greek food. It sounded good to me, so we decided to order some carry-out from Yanni’s Greek Taverna in Northwest Washington, DC.

Yanni’s menu is loaded with souvlaki, gyros and other Greek foods. I decided on the chicken souvlaki, which comes as a pita or a platter. Despite the “Greek Salad” that would be included, I opted for the platter, making sure to order without the vile onions or tomatoes.

When I picked it up, I found that my meal was nicely arranged inside my styrofoam box, making it extremely easy to separate the happy contents (pita, chicken skewers, fries and tzatziki sauce) from the evil (salad). The chicken was well-grilled and seasoned, and fit nicely into the pita, accompanied by perfectly crispy fries and sauce. The ingredients all came together to make four miniature and delicious pita wraps. The price, at $10.95, was a little steep, but the amount of food was perfect to fill any stomach, neither too much nor too little.

[mappress]