Oil. Let’s be honest…if you don’t work for an oil company, you probably don’t like it. You deal with fluctuating oil prices and the constant threat that it will run out and the whole planet will be screwed. Plus, every once in a while you get an oil spill, and that is no good for anyone, unless you are in PETA.

Because if you are a member of PETA, you don’t see an oil spill as a tragedy that could have been avoided. No, you see it as an opportunity for more publicity. So just a couple days after oil started leaking over the Gulf of Mexico, PETA blamed the tragedy on people who eat meat. Never mind the fact that oil is used in every facet of the agriculture they are dependent upon or is essential for plastics and other useful parts of everyday life. No, it was all the fault of the meat eaters. It almost makes you wonder if PETA cause the accident themselves for the publicity. Wait, that’s crazy…or is it?!

I’m all about reducing dependence on oil and getting away from offshore drilling. I think most logical people in the world would agree that we can’t keep killing our environment like this, but certainly it is not the fault of meat eaters. Any good unvegan would rather eat a seagull than a vegetable, but seagulls covered in oil are no good for anyone.

(via The Daily Caller)

So here’s the deal. Every time anyone outside of PETA does anything to harm an animal, they risk the wrath of PETA. Notice I said anyone “outside,” because apparently harming animals from inside PETA is no problem. I knew they were hypocritical because one of their head honchos uses insulin from pigs, but AOL News reports that the hypocrisy much bigger than that.

According to their findings, 97% of the animals brought to PETA headquarters are euthanized. 97%! Are you kidding me? This adds up to 2,301 dogs and cats. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that is a lot more animals than are killed to go on my plate every year. One of PETA’s supposed goals is the total liberation of animals. I didn’t realize that meant liberating them from life.

And one more thing, at least the animals killed for my food become food. The animals PETA euthanizes end up doing no good at all.

(via AOL News)

Once upon a time, Bob Barker was a man loved by all. Who doesn’t remember The Price is Right being the highlight of sick days? Who didn’t laugh when Barker was teamed with Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore? Well kiss those good memories goodbye, because Barker has just taken a turn to the dark side.

We all knew that Barker was a big fan of controlling the pet population. Anyone who has seen The Price is Right knows that he ended every episode with the simple reminder to have your pets spayed and neutered. This was a nice gesture, because who really wants the world overrun with cats and dogs? Since leaving the show, though, he has turned that simple gesture into something much more terrible, by donating money to PETA. And not just a little money, he donated $2.5 million! Are you kidding me?

With that money, PETA is opening up an office in LA, where yours truly lives. As if unvegans in this city don’t have enough trouble fending off the strange vegan people, now there will be even more to worry about. It’s not simply an unvegan issue, though, this is a donation that affects the rest of the world. Couldn’t that $2.5 million be much better spent on solving real world problems? Like, oh I don’t know, maybe cancer or earthquake relief or to feed the hungry or shelter the homeless? Seems like that much money could do a lot more good in those areas.

So for being out of touch with the needs of the world and supporting a fanatical group, you are a big time unvegan villain. I don’t want to play Plinko with you anymore.

While I disagree with the way they chose to spell “Zac,” that is far less important than the things in which I agree with Zac Brown Band. Since the band has been catapulted into the spotlight with their song, “Chicken Fried,” PETA has tried to capitalize on their fame by trying to convince them to give up meat. Good thing the Zac Brown Band isn’t some boring celebrity ready to roll over for the radical group.

In response to PETA, they posted the following on Twitter, “Dear PETA – Plants are living creatures too- Bacon had a mother but so did Pickle. It takes life to support life – welcome to the planet.” Great point. Anytime you eat, something has to die. It is the way of life and makes the world what it is. To really drive the point home, though, the band also posted a follow-up, “Chicken is the new tofu.” It sure is, especially because the two aren’t even comparable.

Now enjoy a bit of “Chicken Fried” live and just look at that fiddle go. Can’t imagine a vegan having the strength to play like that.

So for standing up to PETA, loving your meat and singing about it, Zac Brown Band, you are true Unvegan Heroes.

Perhaps it was worth hearing that terrible song, “Milkshake,” over and over again a few years ago. If only because it made the singer, Kelis, enough of a celebrity to draw the wrath of PETA. That’s right, PETA is once again trying to grab the headlines by attacking celebrities, but Kelis is one celebrity that has fought back.

In the statement on her MySpace page, she said, “I eat meat and in fact my mouth salivates as I type the word meat!” I can sympathize with her, each day I write about meat and lose a lot of good saliva in the process. She even says that she “…would eat pterodactyl if you found some and told me it was meaty and delicious.” I wholeheartedly agree. Get me some pterodactyl meat, pronto.

And that’s not even the best, she makes it personal, attacking founder Ingrid Newkirk. Kelis claims that Newkirk is insulin dependent and that insulin comes from pigs. PETA is supposed to be against any use of animals, so if this were true, it would make her incredibly hypocritical. But it certainly wouldn’t be the most outlandish thing PETA has done.

After telling the world she believes in the preservation of endangered animals (hooray), she makes her best point, telling PETA that there are much bigger things to worry about than animal rights. She tells them to “Find a worthwhile cause like the women being maimed in these Middle Eastern Countries. Or female circumcision. Or women’s rights here in America…”

So for fighting back, exposing PETA and loving meat the whole time, Kelis, you are a true Unvegan Hero.

If you haven’t heard the news, PETA has issued an ad against fur, which features poorly Photoshopped pictures of Tyra Banks, Carrie Underwood, Oprah Winfrey and Michelle Obama. You may wonder how PETA can use the first lady for something like this and according to the White House, they cannot. But you know how PETA likes to do things…if they have to break the law to get their message out, they will. Well if PETA can use an unauthorized image of Michelle Obama in their ads, then I feel totally justified in making her an Unvegan Hero.

First off, I’m pretty sure the Obamas eat meat. At the very least, I know our POTUS Barack does, as he has paid visits to some delicious burger joints in DC. Also, did you know that PETA is classified as a terrorist organization by the USDA? That’s kind of a big deal, and for our first lady to support a terrorist organization would be pretty remarkable. Terrorist fist bump notwithstanding.

Well, PETA has done their best to kiss ass to the White House, saying how “fabulous” our first lady is. I doubt that kind of empty flattery works on the wife of the most powerful man in the world.

So, for being “fabulous” and not supporting the terrorists of PETA, Michelle Obama, you are a true Unvegan Hero!

**Update: PETA is pulling their ad. One small victory for unvegans everywhere!**

This has been a big week in the world of meat-eating. Scientists in Holland or the Netherlands or whatever you call it have grown the first piece of in-vitro meat. In layman’s terms, they grew meat in a lab without killing any animals.

Although the meat wasn’t anything worth putting on a plate, it is the crucial first step in getting PETA to shut the hell up. If they can really make in-vitro meat taste like real meat, the world could soon see an end to real farms.

Since many people are curious about the unvegan take on this development, I would like to say right here that I am in favor of in-vitro meat, but there are some issues that must be worked out. First off, it has to taste like real meat. And I don’t just mean it should be ground up to make a burger. It has to run the whole gamut of meat eatery, from fancy steaks like Kobe Beef to the common chicken breast. Unless in-vitro meats can deliver on this level, they are wasting their time. Also, the meat has to be just as cost-effective as current meats from dead animals. If these two stipulations of mine are seen to fruition, I only fear for the poor farmer, who will have to find a new way to make money.

It will definitely be interesting to see what happens with in-vitro meat. It could mean a bright new slaughter-free world or it could lead to a market flooded with bland, tasteless meat created in a lab. Hopefully it will go in the direction I have outlined and give a whole new meaning to the ethical eatment of animals.

(via Times Online)

Not exactly a normal job, and certainly not something any sane human being would undertake. Luckily, most people only have to deal with them in passing and can choose whether to patronize or ignore, but some aren’t so lucky. According to the Post, “Lydia Netzer lives next door to the PETA intern house down in Norfolk.”

Once upon a time, she lived a nice life with an indoor/outdoor cat named Hoity. That is, until her new fanatical neighbors pestered her into keeping the cat indoors. This went against the cat’s nature and drove the poor feline crazy. Although PETA people purportedly protect animals, they essentially forced Netzer to go against the cat’s nature. Stuck inside, the little Hoity lost its mind and Netzer was forced to put it down.

Just another casualty of PETA’s war against nature and balance in the world.

(Via the Washington Post)

I love that song. Not that it really has anything to do with this post, aside from being Blake Shelton. Based on the song and the inherent sappiness of it, you would never imagine Shelton to be a big time Unvegan Hero, yet here he is. Recently Shelton has engaged in a battle against PETA, and it has been fought with the most modern of all technologies: Twitter.

According to the blogosphere, Shelton has ruffled numerous feathers at the PETA camp with his witty responses to PETA twitters.Here are a few excerpts, stolen from here:

officialpeta: Only animals should wear fur!
blakeshelton: Yeah, but they hide all the meat under there!!!! Dipshit…..

officialpeta: Meat is Murder!
blakeshelton: Yes, delicious murder….

Eventually PETA blocked Shelton, only to unblock him when word got out.

For fighting the good fight and waging a hilarious war of words with PETA, Blake Shelton, you are a true Unvegan Hero!

(via Finding Conor)

Here’s a look at PETA’s most recently banned ad, featuring the lovely Pamela Anderson. Apparently it was supposed to be shown in airports, but they decided it was too sexy for that. I actually just think the video is very poorly made. Not that I’m pro fur or anything. If you’re gonna kill an animal, it should be for the food and not for the natural Gore-Tex.