The Unvegan

Once upon a time, Bob Barker was a man loved by all. Who doesn’t remember The Price is Right being the highlight of sick days? Who didn’t laugh when Barker was teamed with Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore? Well kiss those good memories goodbye, because Barker has just taken a turn to the dark side.

We all knew that Barker was a big fan of controlling the pet population. Anyone who has seen The Price is Right knows that he ended every episode with the simple reminder to have your pets spayed and neutered. This was a nice gesture, because who really wants the world overrun with cats and dogs? Since leaving the show, though, he has turned that simple gesture into something much more terrible, by donating money to PETA. And not just a little money, he donated $2.5 million! Are you kidding me?

With that money, PETA is opening up an office in LA, where yours truly lives. As if unvegans in this city don’t have enough trouble fending off the strange vegan people, now there will be even more to worry about. It’s not simply an unvegan issue, though, this is a donation that affects the rest of the world. Couldn’t that $2.5 million be much better spent on solving real world problems? Like, oh I don’t know, maybe cancer or earthquake relief or to feed the hungry or shelter the homeless? Seems like that much money could do a lot more good in those areas.

So for being out of touch with the needs of the world and supporting a fanatical group, you are a big time unvegan villain. I don’t want to play Plinko with you anymore.