Long before it was cool to do fusion food, Chino Bandido arrived on the scene in Phoenix. This was back in 1990 when interracial marriages were barely okay, let alone interracial food. But Chino Bandido found something that worked – Asian and Hispanic food and hasn’t looked back. So while the name is a reference to Chinese and Mexican food, things like Cuban Beans and Teriyaki Chicken tell a larger tale.

For those who have never been before (and for those who just love freebies), Chino Bandido lets you sample before you eat, and after trying out a few things I knew what I had to have. It began with a Jerk Chicken Quesadilla, some Jade Red Chicken, Cuban Beans and BBQ Pork Fried Rice. Outside of a crazy Las Vegas buffet, I had never had such a seemingly strange mix of food in one dish. Yet, it just worked.

Look, this is not where you go when you are looking for authentic Asian or Hispanic food. That doesn’t matter, because the food is that good. From the Jade Red Chicken’s fried up sweet and spicy combination to the Jerk Chicken’s hot rendezvous with cheese in the quesadilla. It’s all good and I can’t imagine being disappointed even if I had ordered everything completely differently.

Best of all, there is nothing pretentious about this place. Chino Bandido knows what it does, and the world is a better place because of it.

EDIT: As always, Conflict Kitchen continues update the menu for different countries. Rumor has it it’s currently Iranian, but likely won’t be for long.

With the advent of improved relations between the US and Cuba, Conflict Kitchen (which I wrote about back here) decided to switch from Palestinian food over to food representing that land mass 90 miles from Florida. They had done this once before, but they probably figured they wouldn’t have the opportunity again.

I opted for the Lechon Asado, which is a slow roasted pork marinated in mojo sauce. Unbeknownst to me it also came with some sort of terrible Cuban salad concoction. This wasn’t pleasing, but at least the Lechon Asado tasted delicious. Well, I should say it was delicious from where I was in Pittsburgh, a long way from Cuba. This is compared to Florida, where I had such flavorful Cuban food that I may be spoiled forever.

I also had some tostones which are smashed, fried savory plantains. They came with some mojo sauce for dipping, which was really tasty garlic sauce. For dessert I had myself a guava and cheese empanada. I only did this to see if it could come close to the guava and cheese strudel served up at Porto’s in LA. Sadly, it was covered in sugar, which totally masked what is typically a delicious mixture of already sweet guava and cheese.

So, while Conflict Kitchen didn’t fail me on its Cuban rendition, it also didn’t impress me as much as its Palestinian cuisine. But as relations normalize between our two countries, I can only hope Pittsburgh gets an influx of Cuban immigrants looking to provide some amazing food.

Typically, I’m not much a sweets guy. Give me a choice between cake and burger and I will always choose the burger. Well, almost always. Sometime ago, I was introduced to a Cuban bakery called Porto’s in Burbank when someone brought me some of their delicious pastries. I fell in love instantly and ever since then I have had a dream to visit this place of pastry delights. In time, I learned that they were not simply a sweets shop and also messed around with the savory end of the taste chain. This only fueled my desire for Porto’s even more. Finally, I got my opportunity to head there for lunch and went off full of excitement.

When we arrived, it wasn’t easy to find parking. By the time we got ourselves a spot, I was one hungry unvegan, but I was only halfway there. I still had to make it through the line within. It was quite intimidating, but actually moved pretty fast. Within ten minutes I was at the counter and ready for some ordering. I picked up a potato ball (mashed potato filled with beef for 90 cents), a meat pie (puff pastry filled with beef for 75 cents), a chicken croquette (75 cents) and those were just the appetizers. I also ordered a Pan con Bistec sandwich (steak, onions, potato sticks, tomatoes and garlic sauce for 6.55) for my main course, without the onions and tomatoes. Then, while I was there, I decided to pick up a bit of dessert. I chose a guava and cheese strudel and a cheese roll. All this just for lunch and for just about 1 0 bucks. I was ready for one hell of a Cuban feast.

When everything was ready, I headed outside to begin consumption. I started with the potato ball and was glad I did. This ball was perfectly crispy on the outside and perfectly gooey on the inside. The beef was seasoned to perfection and the potato was mashed beautifully. I definitely could have subsided on these balls alone, but after this I was excited to move on to my next appetizer. This was the meat pie. In my unvegan world, you can’t really go wrong with something called a meat pie. Porto’s kept me truthful, because this meat pie didn’t go wrong at all. Up against the potato ball, it didn’t stand much of a chance, but it was a flaky, meaty and yummy addition to the potato ball. I suppose my only real issue with it was that it had a lot more puff than meat.

Finally, I moved on to my final appetizer, the chicken croquette. This thing had a nice, crispy exterior and a gooey interior. To be honest, I couldn’t taste the chicken too well, but the creamy, thick inside was really tasty. A normal man probably would have been done eating by this point, but I was only getting started. Next, it was time for my sandwich.

The sandwich was covered with delicious plantain chips, which I had to eat my way through before getting to the sandwich itself. By the time I got there, I was a little disappointed. The sandwich looked a bit bare (likely because of the lack of vegetables) and the potato sticks were the generic sort you can pick up at any grocery store. Nevertheless, I was excited to get involved with the sandwich. The steak was quite tasty and the bread was perfect, but the potato sticks felt a bit out of place at such a great place. They also seemed to have forgotten the garlic sauce. Or maybe it was somewhere in there, but beyond my sense of taste. Because of this, the sandwich felt a bit dry and just didn’t seem up to par with everything else I had eaten.

Finally, I moved on to the dessert of my feast. First came the cheese roll, which kind of like a canoli, but flakier and filled with a light, Danish-style cheese. It could also be called an orgasm for your mouth. Yes, it’s that good. So good, in fact, that I returned to Porto’s after work to pick up a dozen cheese rolls for a dinner party I was going to. Ok, the guava and cheese strudel was also delicious because I love me some guava, but the cheese roll is sure to please anyone.

So the moral of the story is that Porto’s makes incredible savory and sweet pastries. The Potato Balls and Cheese Rolls are not to be missed. I could have filled up just on those and died a happy man. The other pastries were great, too, and while the sandwich probably would have stood out on any other menu, at Porto’s, it really played second fiddle. Now I can’t wait until I have another dinner party or some other excuse to get back to Porto’s.

Having annihilated half of a chicken a few days earlier at Medieval Times, my insatiable desire for meat drew me towards another half-chicken. This time it was at Versailles, a Cuban restaurant in Palms. (I really have no idea how a Cuban place is named after a French Palace…)

The menu at Versailles is an unvegan dream. Sure, there is a “Vegetarian Plates” section, but it seems to be placed as an afterthought, just to appease the poor vegetarian crowd. Otherwise, Versailles is essentially all meat, all the time. Because of this, it took me a really long time to decide what I wanted. In the end, I went with what seemed the safest and had the most catchy name, Versailles Famous Garlic Chicken. This is an entire half-chicken, with fried plantains and my choice of rice and beans or moro (a combination of rice and beans that makes me wonder why the distinction exists). It also comes with onions, but I ordered mine without.

When it arrived, it was nothing short of huge. I knew even an experienced meat eater like myself wouldn’t be able to eat everything brought to me. I started eating the chicken, which wasn’t as garlicky as the name suggested. It had a lot of citrus flavor and salt instead. There was definitely garlic, but that was actually the weakest flavor. The fried plantains were good, but much more oily than I expected. Finally, the moro was good, but an unnecessary addition to my meal. I could hardly make a dent in that as I ate my chicken.

My meal was great for a meat fix, but the chicken could have used a bit less salt and more garlic instead. If meat is the true food of Cuba, then sign me up to end the embargo.