Some time in the ’90s it became cool (kewl?) to replace the letter “S” with the letter “Z.” Finz in Salem, Massachusetts arrived at the tail end (get it?!) of that decade, so they still get a pass. And while the ambiance could not be further from the divey lunch that day, the them was the same – seafood.

Thus, we started with Crab Irish Nachos, which is like the most Boston thing ever because it combines Irish and Seafoodish in one.The potato chips were housemade, the nacho sauce was spicy and the pico de gallo was…unnecessary. Yet, these were about as good as you could expect a combination of crab and fried potatoes to be.

We also started with an order of the Finz Crispy Calamari, which was said to be served Rhode Island style. As someone not from the northeast, I had no idea what that meant, but learned that it simply meant the squid was tossed with pickled banana peppers. Strange that that is all it takes to be called your “style,” but then Rhode Island is quite small. In the end, it tasted like…wait for it…calamari that just happened to have banana peppers nearby. So, you know, pretty good.

Now Finz is one of those places with tanks of lobsters just waiting to be grabbed and dropped into a boiling pot of water. This is not uncommon, but we were seated right by those doomed lobsters and this in no way prevented me from ordering the Lobster Mac and Cheese. It turned out that was really more like Lobster Penne and Cheese, but I still liked it. Plus, the truffled asiago bread crumbs added a nice crunchy texture to the dish. The centerpiece, though, was the lobster itself. It was quite plentiful and the chunks were massive. Pus, the cheese sauce tasted like it was made just for lobster.

In the more upscale side of the lobster world, Salem delivered the goods once again. There’s something about lobster done right that elevates it above the lesser foods from the sea. And when you’re in Massachusetts and don’t need to pay an arm and a leg (and a pincer) to get that crustacean in your belly it’s all the better.

Some people really like lobster rolls. I don’t get it. What’s the fun of chowing down on cold, slimy lobster loaded up with mayo? But then there’s lobster grilled cheese. See, that’s the good stuff, doing everything right with the lobsters. So, upon arriving in Salem, Massachusetts, we made our way to a divey spot called Longboards that allegedly knew what to do with lobster.

Thus, I ordered the lobster grilled cheese, along with a cup of clam chowder. The grilled cheese was everything it should have been. No attempt to make it fancy, just perfectly melty cheddar, lightly browned grill marks and the right about of lobster so as to maintain balance. Plus, the lemon for squeezing upon the sandwich was a nice touch.

The chowder was good as well, but not really anything special aside from a good way to warm up in the rainy winter weather.

As far as divey lobster sandwiches go in the cradle of witches, Longboards certainly delivered, setting the stage for more lobster to come.

Tacos, tacos and more tacos. That was the premise of the Rockin’ Taco Rumble in Downtown Phoenix on March 2nd, 2018. $45 got you unlimited tacos, six drinks and a wooden nickel to vote for your favorite taco. It took place at Events on Jackson, which was a pretty cool venue, but what was much less cool was the fact that some spots were already running out of tacos by the time I arrived and the lines were crazy long. Nevertheless, I persisted and was able to identify some favorites.

Modern Tortilla – Lamb Adobo

I don’t know why, but this place had the shortest line and was pretty much the best taco around. The lamb was insanely juicy and the adobo flavors were strong with this one. I’ll just guess that this place knew how to operate its taco making so well that I went back for seconds.

Willie’s Taco Joint – Lob-Sta-Taco

Having just returned from Massachusetts, I was a bit skeptical about lobster in the desert. Yet, Willie’s did not disappoint, making great use of mango habanero salsa to enhance the tasty lobster flavor.

Helio Basin – War Bonnet Carnitas

This brewery knows its tacos. And this taco was popping with ribeye, jalapeno pesto, crema, pickled cauliflowers (no, I didn’t eat them), Fresno peppers, pomegranate and mango aji salsa. It was a mouthful, and yet all those different flavors worked really well together.

Taco Guild – Chipotle Cherry Steak

This taco took home the grand prize. I loved the combination of blue cheese, poblano straws, chile aioli and steak, but it was admittedly difficult to not be overwhelmed by all of the flavor packed into this taco.

As media, I was able to attend for free, but had I paid $45 or $55 to get in, I may have left disappointed, if not slightly hungry. Unlimited tacos shouldn’t have the caveat of first come first served, but that shouldn’t completely distract from how delicious the event was and how the event helped to raise money for the Phoenix Community Alliance. Tacos are great, but building a better Phoenix is even better.

I’ve always said that restaurants with an amazing view often have a hard time pumping out amazing food. The idea being that the real estate is generally too expensive to get quality food. Nonetheless, I’ve been proven wrong a number of times and hoped Pacific Coast Grill in Cardiff by the Sea would by another in the latter category.

While the menu was dominated by seafood and had a few terrestrial animals as well, there was a pasta dish that was pretty much begging for me to order it. It was a Lobster-Bacon Carbonara and while the bacon part may be redundant (pretty much all carbonara has a bacon-like element), I was very excited for almost all of the rest of it. There was an “heirloom tomato compote” but I couldn’t decide if it would be a sauce or chunky tomato situation so I let it slide.

Unfortunately it turned out to be a chunky tomato situation, but I was able to avoid it pretty easily as I made my way through a dish that nearly lived up to my lofty expectations of it. The lobster tail was no slouch, being big, juicy and flavorful while avoiding being rubbery. The sauce was nice and rich, being a glorious combination of egg, cream and bacon. Could there have been more bacon? Yes, but that’s ummm always the answer.

It’s not always good when a place tries to fancy up a classic comfort dish. That was not the case with Pacific Coast Grill’s take on carbonara. Now, if they could replace that tomato compote with bacon, it would be a game changer. Oh and did I mention the awesome view?

Apparently in the two years that I went missing from LA, two things that had not been popular before got, well, popular. One is avocado toast, so whatever. The other is lobster rolls, which is somewhat strange considering lobster comes from the other coast, yet not because people like pricey stuff out here. One of these lobster roll spots is Knuckle and Claw in Silverlake.

Because just lobster in a roll is not enough for me, I ordered the most expensive grilled cheese I’ve ever seen in my life. Here it was called the Knuckle Sandwich, and was made with cheddar, 1/4 pound of Maine lobster and sourdough bread. My wife got the full lobster roll, which is that other thing in the picture and also the reason for that disgusting pickle.

Alas, my Knuckle Sandwich was damn good. The lobster really was fresh, which is incredibly difficult to do considering it is more than 3,000 miles to Maine. The cheddar was necessary, because as good as lobster is, it always needs to be covered in some sort of dairy product to bring out its best. At $20, it was something I was very happy to have eaten, but also a luxury I can wait to eat again until I make it to Maine, where I hear they are practically giving away lobsta.

Contrary to my belief based on visits to Canada from Detroit when I was a wee boy, the Great White North is not a cheap place. Gone are the days that an American dollar could be exchanged for a toonie. Instead, the US is now the place Canada looks to for cheap stuff, making it difficult for an incoming grad student on a road trip budget to eat. Yet, somehow we found our way to Joey Broadway in South Granview, a modern Canadian restaurant with a great-looking menu and Goldilocks-esque just-right pricing. Not to mention a killer patio.

And speaking of killer, they also had a great deal on Whistler Whiskey Jack Pale Ale, a beer from nearby Whistler, for $2.99, so for just about the only time on the our trip I indulged. I also indulged with my meal, a Lobster Grilled Cheese to end all lobster grilled cheeses. Stuffed with Atlantic lobster, brie and cheddar, this was a grilled cheese I have to admit I probably couldn’t have made in my toaster. It was also served with cocktail sauce and let me tell you it was nothing short of amazing. And I’m not even a big brie guy, but each bite I took only made me sadder that I would have one fewer bite to eat in the end. The bread was perfectly crispy, the cheese to lobster ratio was perfect and, well, wow.

It seems that there is a good reason Joey restaurants are popping up all over Canada. Joey has hit on something good and something to remember.

Oh and did I mention it came with fries? Yeah, those were good too.

For most, Burger Month ended on May 31st, but I have never claimed to be like most and feel like every month is Burger Month. This is why, despite being the first week of June, I’ve opted to tackle a burger. This particular burger comes from a little place in Beverly Hills called The Hill. By day and early night, it is a restaurant, but when night comes around is a bar in no uncertain terms.

Despite the Beverly Hills address, the menu was packed with good old fashioned American food at reasonable prices. One burger, though, was anything but old fashioned. Called the Surf and Turf Burger, this thing was topped with lobster tail, garlic aioli and asparagus. Then, like many other burgers, it also came with lettuce, tomato and onion. I ordered without the asparagus and the other veggies, then picked fries out for my side.

Soon enough, the burger arrived and not only did I find it packed with veggies (other than asparagus), I also found a frightening pickle spear threatening my entire meal. A couple of fries had already succumbed to its juices, along with a bit of bun, but I removed the pickle from the scene before any more damage could be done. With my unwelcome guests evicted, I got a good look at the burger and found it to be a sort of clash of burger cultures. The lobster and garlic aioli were certainly from the gourmet side of the burger world, while the bun and the patty were more along the lines of a diner or sports bar.

And in this case, looks were right on the money. It made for an interesting juxtaposition of flavors and textures that ended up falling a bit short of its potential. Surf and Turf is something I consider near the epitome of fancy, but this burger only kind attempted to reach that standard.

I am all about diner burgers and I am all about gourmet burgers, but this one ended up in a strange middle ground. I applaud The Hill for not turning their burgers into something pretentious, yet I left more happy about trying their burger than excited about the taste and any possibility of a return. The pickle spear and other assorted vegetables didn’t help them out either.

EDIT: This one’s gone, but you can still find Roy’s and its fancy Hawaiian near you. Depending on where you live, of course.

A steak is not an everyday meal. And even rarer than a steak is a little something called surf and turf. It is only eaten on the rarest and most special of occasions. Or when you have a gift card to Roy’s. Roy’s is a Hawaiian Fusion restaurant that I once discovered in the desert of Scottsdale, but that was long before unvegan came to be. This time, I went to the Roy’s in downtown LA with my lovely girlfriend to pay a visit to my friends, Surf and Turf.

Roy’s surf and turf on this evening was a petite filet and two lobster tails. Accompanying these were crab oscar, asparagus and their poblano mash. Only a fraction of these sounded good to me, namely the crab. I asked if there was anything mashed that didn’t include peppers and was told there were some regular mashed potatoes I could sub in. I was also told I could replace the asparagus, but before I could choose, the girlfriend said she would take them off my hands, so we asked to have them on her plate. I ordered my steak medium rare and then waited for the glory.

When my dish arrived, I was surprised to find those green asparaguses (asparagi?) staring back at me. While I can’t understand why someone would want to eat a food that makes urine smell even worse than usual, I really can’t handle being lied to about them being on someone else’s plate. I scraped these pee-tainters onto my girlfriend’s plate and a few minutes later she was brought additional asparagus on the side for a double dose of terrible-smelling piss.

With these disposed of, I moved onto the real food and what I found was beautiful. The steak, although small, was delicious. Seafood may be their specialty, but they did just fine by that petite filet. Of course, I would have liked it a little bigger, but I can’t complain when it’s called petite. The lobster tails were especially tasty and came with a spiced butter sauce to make them even tastier. This showed me why their seafood made them so proud. The crab oscar was a nice addition, although so miniscule that I probably wouldn’t have missed it if it wasn’t there. Finally, there was my substitute mash. It was mashed up good and well, but could have used a little more salt or flavoring to kick it up a notch in taste.

Yet, sides do not make a meal, and the main surf and turf of this meal were quite delicious. I’m pretty sure I missed the whole “Hawaiian Fusion” aspect of the menu, but the surf and turf treated me just fine.

After hearing so much about seafood in Boston, we finally got the chance to test it out with a visit to Legal Sea Foods. We were told it was a “very Boston” thing to do, and that was really all we had to hear.

When we arrived and saw that there are Legal Sea Foods restaurants located all over the East Coast, we a were a little disappointed. I guess it wasn’t simply a Boston thing. Still, I could not penalize the restaurant for someone else leading me on.

After looking at the menu for a while, I decided to start off with the Lobster Quesadilla appetizer and finish off with the Double Stuffed Baked Shrimp, including a side of mashed potatoes. Since I was splitting the appetizer with my girlfriend, I didn’t ask them to hold the greens or pico de gallo. At $25 for most entrees, I hoped Legal Sea Food could deliver me some good unvegan eats.

The lobster quesadilla came and looked mighty tasty. Luckily, they consisted of only lobster meat and cheese. Unfortunately, the lobster had a slight fishy taste. Being so close to the coast, you would think their seafood might be a bit more fresh, but apparently not. Nonetheless, with enough sauce, the fishy flavor kind of faded.

My entree looked quite daunting after polishing off the quesadilla. I didn’t quite expect the shrimp to be so huge and so filling. The crabmeat was delicious, and

the shrimp had a decent crunch without tasting too rubbery. Even the mashed potatoes tasted great. Unfortunately, I was so stuffed already that I felt like I could hardly make a dent in my entree.

In the end, the experience was a pretty positive one, but not perfect enough to merit the inflated price tags.