A few years ago, Subway changed the name of the “Meatball” sub to the “Meatball Marinara.” I’m not sure why this particular change occurred. Maybe it was to placate healthy people who would be more attracted to the word “marinara.” I never felt this was a particularly bad thing, after all, rebranding to increase sales is a huge component of our capitalistic system.
That all changed when I went to the Subway at Pico and La Cienega. I ordered a Meatball Marinara sub on Italian herbs and cheese bread, with provolone and parmesan cheese. It seemed like such a great idea, until I started watching the man behind the counter make my sub.
As the host of Top Chef and the writer of healthy cookbooks, I originally wrote Padma Lakshmi off as vegetarian health nut. All that changed when I saw the picture to the left. There are few things that make me happier than seeing a beautiful woman taking down such a well-prepared piece of meat.
I also have found out that she will be doing ads for Hardee’s (Carl’s Jr.) Bacon Western Thickburger. It’s enough to make me run out and find the nearest Hardee’s.
On the beautiful grounds of the Desert Willow golf course, there lies a happy little restaurant with an awesome view. The only thing that gets in the way of the view is the actual golf course.
The menu looked pretty good and I had a hard time choosing, before finally settling on the Turkey, Bacon and Avocado melt. I ordered mine without the “vine ripe tomatoes.” It’s like they couldn’t think of a good way to describe the tomatoes, so they wanted to make the customer feel as if being ripe from the vines would make the tomatoes taste slightly better than terrible.
It seems that the only three things to do in The Desert are swim, golf and eat. This is by no means a bad thing, as there is no shortage of good restaurants.
With my father and two grandparents, I went to Piero’s Acqua Pazza, an Italian-ish restaurant. I say “-ish” because they offer much more than traditional Italian food. The night I was there, they had a three-course special, which included a starter, main course and dessert. The price was unbeatable because it included the filet mignon, which actually cost more on the regular menu without the other courses. A true meat-loving family, we all wanted the filet. After making that choice, I checked out the starters, which to my behest, only included vegetable dishes. I scoffed at this and decided it was still worth the three-course meal.
There was still one last hoop to jump through, the filet came with a side of mashed potatoes and a vegetable medley.Â
For a good, wholesome cardiac arrest, few food items offer such good chances as a Philly Cheese Steak. Although I have never had one of these in Philly, and may be ill-equipped to judge, I have put down a few of those sandwiches in my day. The most recent of which came from Big Mike’s Philly Steaks & Subs in El Segundo. Typically any restaurant that has “Big” in it’s name is a hit with me, unless it precedes something stupid like “Head of Lettuce” or “Fungus Lovers.”
Keeping things simple, I ordered a twelve-inch Philly Cheese Steak. The sandwich really should not be called this, as it comes with onions and peppers. I mean really, if you’re going to call it a cheese steak, I’m okay with it, just make sure it’s only cheese and steak.
As the night of the glorious buffet wound down, I incomprehensibly became hungry yet again. Perhaps that was because it was 4 am, or perhaps it was because I’m a fatty. Either way, I got it into my head that I only wanted Hooter’s wings (which were on special after midnight for only 25 cents a wing) or another buffet. Ridiculous as it seems, these were my only culinary desires in my late-night state. Unfortunately, despite my expert debate skills, I was unable to convince my friends to take me or accompany me.
Instead, we ended up back at our hotel, The Sahara, at a sad little 24-hour diner called The Caravan Cafe. While complaining about the lack of buffet/Hooter’s wings and how I refused to eat anything but, I was finally coerced into ordering the chicken strips.
To this little unvegan, few things are more incredible than a buffet. Where else can a man choose from such a vast collection of meat products? Whoa, are there vegetables in the general vicinity of this chicken dish? Too bad, I guess I’ll just move on to the next one. A buffet is a place of choice and almost literally a microcosm of the fulfillment of the American Dream.
As the dream goes, there is no greater collection of delicious buffets than in Las Vegas. It’s no stretch to think of Vegas as the buffet Mecca, and the Kaaba in this Mecca must surely be Rio’s Carnival World Buffet.
When I was seated, I didn’t even take the time to sit down, as I just threw my jacket on my seat to begin my feast.
Round 1: Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and a meatball.
Round 1
There was no need to take it slowly. It is a fact that it takes twenty minutes for the mind to realize that the stomach is full, so I had to get as much food as I could before my crazy stomach decided it was full. Since I had been drinking all day, I went straight for the fried food. The fried chicken was a good heavy hitter to coat my stomach. The mashed potatoes were great as a side, featuring a healthy amount of butter and even some cheese. The single meatball stood strong for a loner, while the only disappointment was the mac and cheese, which needed a lot of salt and loving.
Who is Mike Nelson? Well other than working on a website called Rifftrax.com, my research shows that he was the star (alongside a couple robots) of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Despite these successes, Nelson will ultimately be remembered for what he accomplishes in the month of February, 2009. Nelson has recently embarked on a journey that few, if anyone, would ever dare to do.
When eating at a taco truck, I am typically drunk and there are few demands that have to be met. One of those demands is that my food have no vegetables, the other is that the food is edible. When I recently ventured out to the Taco Truck at Venice and Centinela, I was in for a rude surprise.
I stumbled up to the window to place my order. When I inquired about the ingredients in the chicken quesadilla, I was told that there were no vegetables. Then, I asked about the carne asada taco, which I was told came with onions. I asked the lady for no onions, and to make it offensively clear, I also said, “no cebollas” (cebolla being the spanish word for onion).
Situated just off the main stretch of downtown El Segundo is The Hummus Factory. The name is really false advertising because it certainly is not a factory and also makes a lot more than just hummus. To be precise, they should have named it The Middle-Eastern Restaurant.
When it came time to order, I chose the Chicken Kabob Sandwich, which I assumed would be like schwarma. The only things that stood in my path to an unvegan lunch were cabbage and pickles, which I made sure to order without. The sandwich also came with salad or fries and I (surprisingly) opted for the fries. To top it off, I got a side of hummus in the expectation that the rest of my food would not quench my unvegan hunger. That proved to be a wise choice.
