Tex-Mex is its own category of food. It seems weird because it gives the impression that Texans just somehow bastardized real Mexican food and had the audacity to put Tex before the Mex, but when you remember that Texas was once a part of Mexico, it begins to lose its weirdness. There is probably no place in the state of Texas where the former Mexican history is at the forefront of thought than in San Antonio, home of the Alamo (remember it). And in San Antonio is Mi Tierra, an old school Tex-Mex place with a full on panaderia to boot.

Although it was late at night (and still a couple hours from being considered morning) I was feeling breakfast for some reason. Thus, I ordered the chilaquiles, which I like to think of as breakfast nachos. These came with pork in a thick red sauce, along with red chips, eggs, cheese and beans. I was very excited to dig into them, but within the first few bites I was simply disappointed.

I couldn’t point to any particular reason why I was disappointed. All the ingredients were there, but there just didn’t seem to be anything to them. It was like they just didn’t want to be there, and thus I didn’t really want to eat them. If I could point to anything, it might be that there was a very high egg to everything else ratio.

I’m sure Mi Tierra does other things better than they do chilaquiles, but since that’s all I ate, it’s really all I can go off of. Plus, I can’t imagine there are a ton of other 24 hour spots in San Antonio and when you look at it through that lens you could do a whole lot worse.

There’s really very little in life that can compare to a true apples to apples comparison. Or, if you’re in Lockhart, Texas, a meat to meat comparison. You see, Lockhart is the BBQ capital of Texas and literally after finishing up the brisket (or shoulder clod depending on who you are asking) at Kreuz Market, I headed right around the corner to Black’s BBQ, which a member of my family said was even better. In few moments, I would quickly decide whether he was foolish or praiseworthy.

Black’s not only had brisket to compare to Kreuz, but jalapeno cheddar sausage as well, so I went with both. I enjoyed watching the butcher slice the meat like it was butter and delicately place it upon my plate with a sizable sausage. What I didn’t enjoy so much was the meat itself. It was packed with delicious flavor and a delightful rind, but it was actually kind of tough and dry comparatively.

The jalapeno cheddar sausage also fell short of Kreuz. There was no lack of flavor, but the texture simply couldn’t compete.

But here’s the thing: Black’s BBQ was still amazing. I mean like it would probably be the best BBQ in Arizona if it was in Arizona. But it’s not, it’s in Texas and in Texas the bar was set higher by Kreuz Market.

There are five pillars in the religion of Islam. One of these is the Hajj, a pilgrimage to Mecca. Being unvegan has no such pillars, but if there had to be a Mecca, it would probably be Lockhart, Texas. Sure, there are holy unvegan sites scattered around the globe, but BBQ is arguable the most unvegan food, Texas is arguably the best state to eat BBQ in and Lockhart is arguably the BBQ capital of Texas. But, determining the actual Kaaba worth circling around (aka best BBQ restaurant) was my most important task and it began at Kreuz Market.

Kreuz Market has been making BBQ since 1900 and did such a good job that it moved into a pretty sizable building 99 years later. The line was impressively long and slow, but the smell of burning wood had me excited all the way to the front. They call their fatty brisket “shoulder clod” and their lean brisket “brisket.” And it’s sold by weight, so I grabbed a half pound of each (don’t worry, I was sharing) and a jalapeno cheese sausage because duh.

The shoulder clod can only be described as heaven. The meat melted in my mouth and had just enough smokey and salty flavor to get me wanting more after each bite, with enough juiciness to sustain the edibility. If it weren’t for the amazingness of the shoulder clod, I’m sure I would have loved the lean brisket, but compared to the shoulder clod it was simply too dry. The jalapeno cheddar sausage, by the by, was a stellar companion to the shoulder clod. It was packed relatively tightly, but not so much that it tasted like it was produced in a sausage factory.

Kreuz Market was a strong start to my BBQ Hajj and quite possible the best brisket I had ever eaten in my life. While I only had time to try out one other place, I was eager to see how its meat would stack up.

I once swore I would never return to Dallas. That’s because I went for a weekend and it snowed and the whole city shut down. Plus I was coming from Michigan and hoping for, like, good weather. Alas, I was unable to keep that promise and recently returned, swearing I would eat some good BBQ before leaving. Thus, I found myself at Bone Daddy’s House of Smoke, which would never top any lists of the best spots in Dallas, but was close by and traffic in Dallas is stupid.

Bone Daddy’s was clearly inspired by Hooter’s, Twin Peaks and Tilted Kilt, but seemed to spend more time planning its food than those other spots. After a long conversation with my waitress, who clearly did not spend much time eating the food (aside from when she was hired and had to taste everything), I decided on the half rack of Baby Back Ribs. It came with two sides and I picked the mac and cheese and the beans.

Soon enough, my order was in front of me and looked beautiful aside from the strange green onion placed upon the ribs. I brushed this aside and set to work on the real food. I quickly realized that I had made a good choice with these ribs, as they were packed with flavor and fell right off the bone. Moreover, they brought me a fresh batch of delicious homemade BBQ sauce (or at least I assumed it was a fresh batch because it came out pretty warm). I splashed some on my ribs, which didn’t need it, but also my mac and cheese. Actually, they didn’t need it either, but it didn’t hurt.

Both the mac and cheese and beans made for good sides, but they definitely took a back seat to the ribs. And in the end, while the ribs were good I couldn’t help but think they weren’t the best thing on the menu. In a sense I fault my waitress, but I also have to blame the concept of Bone Daddy’s in a sense as well. I mean it’s great to have beautiful waitresses (and she was actually a great server), but at the end of the day I basically winged it for my order because it’s much easier to take BBQ-eating advice from a 300 lb fat guy. I wouldn’t hesitate to go back, but I know there is much better BBQ to be had in Dallas and I swear I’ll never go back to Dallas again.

With a long layover in Houston, Texas, I needed something to eat. Although eating at a chain would have been a safe bet, I like to live on the edge. I also wanted to make sure I got something unique to Texas. When I found Caritas Ranch Bar-B-Q, I knew I had to have it.

The place didn’t offer much in terms of options for the main course or for sides, but it was an airport so I let it slide. The best-looking thing on the menu to me was the sliced beef sandwich, so I ordered one. I then watched as they sliced the beef right in front of me, threw it on a bun and drizzled BBQ sauce over it. I had to admit, it looked pretty good, despite being cooked in an airport.

When I bit in, my expectations were pretty low. I expected the bun to be stale and dry and the beef to simply be dry. Luckily, neither were the case. The beef was decently juicy, the sauce had a good enough flavor and the bun gave me no trouble. I wouldn’t go so far to say the BBQ was good, especially when compared to all the great BBQ that has come from Texas, but it sure wasn’t as bad as it could have been.