Could there be a more inviting name for a sausage spot than Bike Jim’s Gourmet Dogs? You’d be hard-pressed to find one, but that only partly explains the rise of this brick and mortar that began as a simple (and yet gourmet) hot dog cart. I went to the location in downtown Denver and struggled to find the right sausage for me.

But alas, I found my sausage and it went by the name of Rattlesnake and Pheasant because it was made of both the former and the latter. The funny thing is that it’s probably more likely that a rattlesnake would eat a pheasant than I would eat either of them, but yet here I was. I got it topped with The Desert, which meant harissa roasted cactus, Malaysian curry jam, scallions, cilantro and onions two ways (I actually only opted into the crispy onions so it was onions one way for this guy). I also snagged the Fried Mac ‘n Cheese as a side.

One particularly awesome innovation at Biker Jim’s was that they had a bunch of shredded cheese available to grab along with their sauces, so you didn’t have to pay extra if you just wanted to get some cheese on your tube meat. With that said, but sausage had no need for cheese, as it was packed with a slight kick and delicious seasonings, as well as the delicious toppings.

The fried mac and cheese was also tasty, but truthfully unnecessary because I just didn’t realize how big the sausage would be. In the future, a side like that is really more for when you aren’t eating alone like Steven Glansberg.

Places like Biker Jim’s are few and far between, yet I haven’t been to one gourmet dog place that has disappointed. Fortunately, Biker Jim’s continued that trend and showed me that a rattlesnake and pheasant can coexist in a casing and in my stomach in a beautiful way.

While in Denver, I found myself at a trendy spot downtown called Hearth and Dram. It’s unquestionably the kind of name that was pulled out of the random trendy restaurant name handbook, but that didn’t change the fact that the menu looked like an unvegan dream. Sure, there were vegetables, but I liked to think they were an afterthought compared to the real food.

So it began with a bologna sandwich, or as they called it, “Grilled Bologna & Cheese.” It was exactly what it claimed to be, but easily better than what I lived off of during grade school. It probably had to do with grilling the bologna to a bit of a char and using pillowy buns for bread. Whatever the reason, it was a good throwback to kick things off.

For the main course I ordered the Medium-Rare Short Rib (and yes, that was the exact name). This came with root veggies (carrots), cracked wheat and some shaved, fried garlic. It turned out to be nothing short of delicious. The meat was so tender it seemed to melt in my mouth, but it also had a perfect texture due to a char on the outside that seems to be pretty rare in the short rib world. The accompaniments were nice, but they all played a distant second fiddle to the meat. Truly, had this short rib come out a la carte I would not have complained.

We also had some tempura onion rings and roasted potatoes with bacon for sides to share as a table. Both of these were tasty in their own ways, but beyond the presentation there was nothing overly special about the onion rings. The potatoes, though were packed with big chunks of bacon that again reminded me that the vegetables were an afterthought. Almost like the chef though he needed bacon on the menu and potatoes sounded like a good excuse to do so.

I’d definitely head back to Hearth and Dram if I found myself in Denver again and in need of a slightly upscale spot that does good by meat. It’s really all you could ask for.

What do you do when combine Chipotle and Brazilian food in the city of Denver? Apparently a spot called Five on Black. It has the element of walking down the line to make an order, puts it all in a bowl instead of tortillas. Seeing as I and the world seem pretty bored of Chipotle these days, this seemed like a nice change of pace.

I picked a base of white rice, then topped it with steak, feijaoda (a special stew with beef, bacon sausage, black beans and a ton of flavors that they gave me for free because it was my first time), spicy coconut sauce, more black beans, lime, chimichurri and cilantro. I also snagged a pao de queijo (cheese bread) for good measure. And let me tell you, it was all good measured. The flavors all worked in holy harmony to make me one very happy unvegan. The meat was cooked nice and tender, while the coconut sauce added a nice hot kick that was perfectly buffered by the black beans. If I had to do it all again, I’d be hard-pressed to pick something different. And that’s not because of a lack of options, but simply because I kinda nailed it on this first try.

Five on Black is anything but boring, and the kind of place I wish was right down the street from my office, as opposed to simply being right down the street from a hotel I’m in for a business trip.

Brio may be a chain, but it’s the kind of chain I can get behind. After all, steaks are a central component of the menu at the place. Of course, with an Tuscan theme it’s possible to get some light pasta or something else crazy, but I am a man who doesn’t generally turn down the opportunity for a steak.

But I couldn’t just start with that. After all, I was at a table with others and we began with a few appetizers. But as much as I liked the the bruschetta, spinach-artichoke dip and flatbread, it was merely filler on my way to steak.

I usually like to go with a ribeye, but Brio’s was said to be espresso rubbed. I ain’t got time for coffee because I hate the stuff, so instead I went with the New York Strip. Through my waiter’s thickly-accented and nearly indecipherable suggestion, I had mine crusted with gorgonzola and ordered medium-rare. It arrived with a random spring of rosemary, but otherwise just as I had intended. As far as New York Strips go, this steak delivered. The gorgonzola was a bit of a distraction from the beefy flavor, but I can never complain about cheese and this doesn’t seem like the right time to do so because it was still delicious. The steak had been cooked to a perfect medium-rare, but at times was somewhat dry. I can chalk this up to the steak not being as fatty as the ribeyes that I am used to, but alas I couldn’t help but desire a bit more in the juiciness department.

I should also mention that the steak came with a choice of sides. I went with the Fingerling Potatoes Brio, which were topped with a delicious cream sauce and cooked until the outsides were crisp and the insides were nice and tender. There was nothing not good about these.

As far as the chains go, though, Brio was pretty tasty. I can’t speak for how true it is to its alleged Tuscan roots, but they sure knew how to cook a steak pretty well.

Highlands Ranch is a crazy distant suburb of Denver, which typically means chain restaurants galore. And that’s pretty much what I found, but I also found a place called Crave Burger that was anything but “chainy.” It felt like the kind of burger place I would open if I were ballsy enough to open a restaurant. The menu was loaded with all sorts of crazy and inventive burgers including toppings like peanut butter, jalapeno poppers and fried white cheddar and eventually I found mine.

Well, at least I got it down to two and my waiter didn’t hesitate to tell me to get the Sin City. This was topped with a tempura coated fried sharp cheddar block, bourbon-glazed onions, avocado, candied bacon and lettuce. I wanted nothing to do with the onions or lettuce, but I did want to upgrade my fries to the Das Fries (with beer cheese, cheddar, bacon and jalapenos).

To say that the results were beautiful would be to understate just how excited I was when the burger arrived. Crave Burger had heeded all of my words and produced a burger worth immediately taking down. To some, this may have been a meal of excess, but for me the sweet smokiness of the bacon played perfectly with the creamy avocado. The block of cheese was basically as thick as the burger, which is a good thing if you really love cheese like I do, or a bad thing if you’re really eager to get some ground beef flavor on your tongue bits.

But for real, while the toppings played perfectly well with each other, the burger itself sort of faded into the background of flavors. It was still a great conduit for toppings but it would be hard to compete with the intensity of the candied bacon no matter how bold the beef may be.

As for the fries, they were just as glorious as they seemed in reading the description. I mean, you really can’t go wrong with cheese, more cheese, bacon and jalapenos. Plus, the fries themselves held up pretty well.

While the toppings may have overwhelmed the burger to a degree, it’s kind of to be expected at a place like this. And hey, if I ever find myself in Highlands Ranch again, I know I have a whole lot more burgers to crave.

Vail, Colorado may be a beautiful place, but it is certainly not a place to go if you’re on a budget. Lift tickets are crazy expensive and the food isn’t much cheaper. But there are a couple more reasonable places in town and The Red Lion is one of them. As you might expect, The Red Lion is a British Pub and has your classic pub fare. When it came to my meal, I only really had eyes for the burgers.

My burger of choice was the Bleu Sky Burger, presumably named for how blue the skies are when there isn’t a snowstorm blowing through Vail. This burger was topped with bleu cheese and bacon, plus some lettuce, tomato and onion that I was quick to order without. I ordered mine medium-rare and was very happy to find it prepared that way. Hey, you never know when you’re in a touristy spot.

In fact, beyond the color of the meat, I was impressed by the pile of bacon and bleu cheese on top of the burger. They made for a nice blend of smokey, salty and cheesy. The burger even had a nice sear that I could appreciate. There were some fries on the side that didn’t stick out as anything special, but were at least a good partner to the meat and cheese.

By the time I was nearly finished, the juiciness of the burger had rendered the bun into a gooey mess. If I had any complaint it would be that the bun simply couldn’t hold up. Nonetheless, this was a solid burger that fulfilled my burgerly desires.

In Boulder (and a couple other places) there is an Italian restaurant that goes by the name of Pasta Jay’s. While Jay is not a very Italian-sounding name, we nonetheless found ourselves eating there in our short trip to Boulder. Like many other Italian places, it had a pretty extensive menu filled with pizzas and pastas, but I wound up keeping myself in the pasta game. After all, the place wasn’t called Pizza Jay’s.

There was much deliberation, but then I made my decision: Chicken Pesto Tortelloni. This was exactly what it sounded like, with no extraneous ingredients aside from the delicious garlic bread that joined it on the side. The pesto sauce had a perfect amount of flavor, couple with a creaminess that was pretty much addictive. The tortelloni was stuffed with ricotta, which is obviously a win and the chicken was nice and tender, adding an appropriate and necessary meatiness to the meal.

Pasta Jay’s wasn’t exactly groundbreaking Italian, but it undoubtedly captured that local neighborhood Italian feel (or at least the American version of it). And when it comes to chicken, pesto and tortelloni, Pasta Jay’s certainly knows how to hit the spot.

Chautauquas are a weird thing. Apparently they were some sort of bizarre adult education/cult thing that got really popular in the late 1800s and early 1900s, starting out in Western New York and reaching at least as far as Boulder, Colorado. It was in that Chautauqua in Boulder that I spent a weekend and ate a majority of my meals in the dining hall. Never fear, though, this dining hall is open to the public so this review is still relevant.

From breakfast to lunch to dinner, Chautauqua offers a pretty decent range of food and I can’t say that anything I ate was bad. Like that Turkey Bacon Ranch Melt up above, which included gouda and tomatoes that I forewent. Or the Green Chile Burger that was topped with pork and half an avocado!

Sure, none of these things blew my mind because they were most-likely constructed for the masses, but that doesn’t mean they disappointed. Everything had a nice balance of flavor and I mean pork in the green chile could never be seen as a bad thing unless you are a terrible person.

Moreover, while Chautauqua doesn’t have a captive audience, there are a number of people that would eat there out of convenience even if the food wasn’t good. Fortunately, the food is nothing to complain about and wouldn’t be a bad place to stop into after a hike up the Flatirons.

Somewhere along the way, someone figured out that sex sells. I don’t know when this time came, but I’m pretty sure everyone in the room looked at each other and nodded in agreement without a word. In the ’80s, Hooters took that genius concept to the restaurant industry and became a household name. And while Hooters is still going strong, the look has become a bit dated. Enter Tilted Kilt, which has taken the Hooters concept, splashed it with Scotch and trimmed the uniforms significantly so that even flat girls have cleavage and they all show some midriff. In other words, the girls at Hooters almost look like nuns in comparison. Yet, while Hooters is gimmicky, they still have pretty tasty wings. Would Tilted Kilt have good fare to offer with their good looks?

To answer this question, I made my way to Tilted Kilt in Denver. This place was huge and had a setup more in line with Buffalo Wild Wings than any Hooters I had ever been to. The menu was chock-full of typical bar food at a reasonable price. For some reason I had decided in my head that I had eaten too many burgers lately and decided against that. I also knew we were in a rush and as the world’s slowest buffalo wing eater, I had to pass that up as well. I landed on The French, We Mean Irish Dip. Yeah, that was a cute way of trying to make the French Dip fit into the theme, but other than the name this thing was pure French Dip.

A pure unvegan dream, this sandwich was filled with shaved rib eye steak, Swiss cheese and nothing else. It was served with au jus and my choice of a side. I went with the fries to keep it real. Despite not mentioning pickles on the menu, this sandwich was served with on in the basket. Unfortunately, it contaminated a few fries and the bun, which was devastating, but not disastrous. Now, onto better things. I’ll be the first to admit I’m no expert in the field of French Dips (not sure that such experts exist), but I was actually pretty impressed with the sandwich. It contained a fair amount of meat and gooey cheese that would have been enough on their own to satisfy me. Well, sort of. You see, the bun was pretty thick and had me scared at first. Dry, it would have been overwhelming, but when dipped in the au jus, it soaked up those juices perfectly and made for a great French Dip conduit.

The fries were your normal cut, but had been fried to the crispy end of the spectrum that I know and love, then topped with some mild seasoning.

Did the meal at Tilted Kilt blow me away? No. But even without the gimmicky clothing I’d be willing to make a return journey. They may not be the most creative, but they do a swell job with bar food. And the outfits sure don’t hurt.

In dire need of lunch at the base of Breckenridge, I skied on over to Coppertop Bar & Grill to meet up with the fiancee while she was on a little break from ski school. Realistically, very little is expected of ski mountain food. The restaurants have a captive audience, jack up the prices and provide more warming and high energy foods than truly good food. So when I moseyed on over to the food area at Coppertop, my expectations were quite low. But wait…did I just see a dude walk by with curly fries covered in cheese sauce? Scratch that, my expectations hit the roof.

So the first thing I did after choosing to go with a burger was ensure that they could hook me up with those same cheese-doused fries and they certainly could. They didn’t disappoint and even told me they could throw chili on top. I didn’t want to overdo it, though, so instead I doubled up on cheese by ordering a bacon cheeseburger, with pepper jack cheese. I was impressed that they were actually grilling up each burger as they were ordered and didn’t have a whole set pre-made. Plus, they were actually grilling them…with real fire, which was also pretty sweet.

Soon enough, all was ready and I got busy with my foodstuffs. I found the curly cheese fries to be everything I had hoped for. The beauty of topping curly fries with cheese is that they are especially resistant to sogginess, and in fact the cheese began to get a bit gnarly and cold before the fries buckled.

As for the burger, it tasted exactly like I would expect a summertime grill burger to taste. You know, the kind you eat on Labor Day over at your buddy’s place while knocking back a Silver Bullet. In that context, it was a good burger and probably better than usual considering the 0 degree weather outside.

On the other hand, this burger and cheese fries cost me something like 20 bucks, which is about double what I would pay for such food in a normal marketplace. But alas, Coppertop had a captive audience and while their prices were wildly inflated, I certainly can’t complain about the taste of what I ate.