State Fairs are often an afterthought. A relic of times past when most of us lived in rural areas and guessing the weight of a pumpkin was the best entertainment of the month. They offer variations on the same rides, foods and entertainment that you find at your local Memorial Day Carnival or County Fair and, I mean, how many people even go to those? But the Minnesota State Fair is so far from an afterthought that it seems to be on the minds of Minnesotans for the 50 weeks of the year in which it is not in operation. Plans are made, new foods are devised and longed after; then, just like that, it’s over again. This year, however, the Unvegan paid a visit to see how it would all stack up.

Swedish Meatball Smorgas – The Blue Barn

It’s not all about gluttony. Sometimes it’s just about doing something no one ever thought of. Like putting Swedish meatballs on a roll, pouring white gravy all over them and then topping them with lingonberry jam and dill pickles. I was smart enough to order without the pickles and it paid off in pure sweet, salty and savory deliciousness.

Mangonada Shave Ice – Minnesnowii Shave Ice

You wouldn’t think Minnesotans would be fans of shave ice since they live among it for so much of the year. Yet, the Mangonada is real and it is fascinating. Packed with mango syrup, drizzles of chamoy sauce, popping boba (for some inexplicably genius reason), spicy tajin powder and a tamarind straw (for some inexplicably strange reason). The straw was useless, but the rest of this was somehow light, refreshing, hearty and spicy at once. And with all that, it just somehow worked.

Giant Juicy Turkey Sandwich – Turkey To Go

Being a first timer, I couldn’t just go with new stuff. And, frankly, I wasn’t too excited about getting a turkey sandwich. But, my buddy told me it was well worth it and, well, it sure was. I added bacon and a sweet glaze to mine and it was unbelievably juicy for what’s generally the driest fowl of all. As I drove past many a wild turkey in the Northwoods, all I could think about was how juicy they could be in sandwich form.

Blu – Grain Belt

I love blueberries and I love beer. It makes sense that I would like a blueberry beer, right? Wrong. It seems to be that the special beers at the Minnesota State Fair are pretty much all sweet, but this took that sweetness way beyond balance and into juice territory. Good thing I had all kinds of savory and salty foods to counter that sweetness (and don’t worry, I still drank the whole damn thing).

Gizmo – Carl’s

The Gizmo is another classic, and yet it is churned out by pretty much the most nondescript cart in the whole fair. Sometimes you just know you’re good and it’s hard to go bad when you are an Italian roll filled with ground beef, Italian sausage, red sauce and a layer of melted mozzarella cheese to seal all of the goodness in.

Sweet Greek Cheese Puffs – Dino’s Gyros

Ricotta and Feta. Flaky phyllo dough. Powdered sugar. More than a drizzle of honey. I am a many who loves his sweet and salty combos and these Sweet Greek Cheese Puffs did more than satisfy that craving. It may have gotten a but too sweet toward the end when the honey congregated in the corner with the remaining puff, but these were a treat.

Zesty PB&J Sausage – Gass Station Grill

It doesn’t sound right. Nope, not at all. But if you’ve been paying attention to burger places lately, mixing peanut butter, jelly and some sort of spiciness is all the rage. It’s only natural that it made its way into a tube steak. While each bite may have been somewhat inconsistent, there is no doubt that this works. If they can get that peanut buttery and jelly-y goodness more evenly distributed, this sausage could take over the world.

Turducken Sausage – Giggles’ Campfire Grill

Not all sausages are created equal. Or is it something about the size of the sausage versus what you do with it? Regardless, the Turducken sausage didn’t just lose the battle of the sausages, it barely seemed to fight. It was too tightly packed, the grind seemed off and really all I could taste was the turkey, with maybe a touch of chicken. Perhaps in years past this may have flown, but in the world of the Zesty PB&J sausage you have to be oh so much better than this.

Passion Fruit Pilsner – Bent Paddle Brewing

Duluth is a cool city. And it sent a pretty cool beer down to the state fair. It’s not a sour per se, but does it’s best to harness the tartness of passion fruit and churns out a pretty unique pilsner that is not too sweet and not too sour. It’s not just right either, but it’s good enough to make the drinking enjoyable.

Bacon-Wrapped Pork Belly – The Hangar

You don’t go to the state fair looking to eat a balanced meal. But nowhere is that lack of balance more exemplified than in this pork on pork action on a stick. It was so unbelievably juicy, smokey and salty forcing the use of dozens of napkins lest your face runneth with juices that would later congeal into something resembling a wax museum. While this may be perfection in meat form, the critic in me did wish there was some sort of a sweet and acidic dipping sauce like apple cider vinaigrette or a cherry reduction to accompany this meaty concoction. Despite that, the universe seemed to pause in recognition of the beauty of each bite of this masterpiece.

Fried Cheese Curds – Everywhere

Some day I’d like to pull an Andrew Zimmern and try every cheese curd purveyor at the fair. Until that day, I am a satisfied man as long as the place knows to stick with the white variety of cheddar, to fry them just right amount of time to maintain the squeakiness and to only lightly batter them lest the batter overpower the cheese. It’s not the tallest order, but it’s not the easiest one to fulfill either. Plus, when you’re coming from Arizona all cheese curds are good cheese curds.

Whelp. That’s a wrap. The pilgrimage is complete. Now if only I can figure out a way to make this an annual thing…or at least get to Iowa somehow…

When life presents the longest restaurant name in history to you for brunch, what do you do? If you’re anything like me, you embrace it and so I headed to At Sara’s Table Chester Creek Cafe in Duluth, Minnesota to see what such a place had to offer. I was mildly disappointed to find that the dish names were only a fraction of the length of restaurant’s name.

Thus, I ordered a dish simply called the Savory Crepe. It was filled with Canadian Bacon, caramelized apples, raclette and tarragon. Raclette, by the way, is a type of cheese, so I was essentially expecting a French breakfast quesadilla.

It turned out that was pretty much exactly what the savory crepe would turn out to be. This is a good thing, because I love quesadillas and I also love the idea of throwing a bunch of ingredients together and hoping they work out well. You know, like cheese, ham and apples. At Sara’s Table Chester Creek Cafe knew exactly what to do with these ingredients, combining sweet, salty and savory together into something delicious.

Duluth is cool city. And so is At Sara’s Table Chester Creek Cafe.

Apparently, the Twin Cities are about more than just Jucy Lucys. And while some may question that, Black Sheep in St. Paul gives reason to believe in life beyond cheese-stuffed burgers. A coal-fired pizza place, Black Sheep still relies on cheese, but in quite a different manner. Walking in to the below-ground-level spot, I was immediately inundated with the scent of garlic, a smell that signaled good things ahead, as well as a scent that would remain with me for the rest of the day.

As a large group, we opted for a couple of giant pizzas. With no pepperoni to be found, our first choice was Hot Salami and Dried Chili Pepper. This was like a pepperoni pizza upgrade, with big slices of salami and just enough of a kick to make me happy without scaring off those with a low spice tolerance. The crust had a nice crisp to it and the cheese and sauce left little to complain about.

The other pizza was Meatball, Ricotta and Garlic, a killer combination that tasted just as good as it sounds. Unlike some pizza places, Black Sheep was quite generous with toppings, leaving this pizza covered in dollops of ricotta and a plethora of meatballs, which were juicy and delicious. As for the garlic, Black Sheep managed to put just enough on to leave my breath garlicky for an extended period of time without going over the top.

As with many pizzas of this size, both pizzas at Black Sheep struggled to maintain a consistent crisp through the middle of the pizzas, but this was a minor issue compared to how tasty everything was. They may not serve Jucy Lucy’s but they sure make good use of the cheese they have.

Duluth Grill is a restaurant that may as well have been created for Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. It’s off the beaten path not just in the fact that it is in Duluth, but because of the part of Duluth it is in. Plus, while it is clearly a diner, it is more than just a diner, serving unique, local and organic fare with an eye for people with food allergies. Guy seems to love that kind of stuff, which is why he paid Duluth Grill a visit and why, despite all of my nostalgic connection to Duluth, I felt good about going there as well.

Despite being early for lunch, we found Duluth Grill to be devoid of any seats, but within 20 minutes we found ourselves seated at an odd little counter, mouths watering from what we had been witnessing. After giving my meal a lot of thought, I picked the Big and Bold Bison Burger.

It came with BBQ sauce, caramelized onions, cherrywood smoked bacon and bib lettuce. I forewent the veggies and chose their deconstructed smashed potatoes as my side. To be honest it turned out a little underwhelming. The burger was good, but not great. The meat hovered close to the dry end of the spectrum and the combination of BBQ sauce and bacon didn’t quite hit me with as much flavor as I had been hoping for. Perhaps this was the wrong burger choice, but the waitress had recommended it when I asked her. The deconstructed smashed potatoes, though, were quite amazing. They were smaller potatoes that had been sufficiently smashed before being cooked to a crisp and sprinkled with parmesan cheese and were even better than they sound.

So, I do see a lot of potential in Duluth Grill’s menu, and I don’t mean to treat the place as though it just opened up, but more in the sense that I would go back, just not for the Big and Bold Bison Burger.

Out in the suburbs of Minneapolis is a place called St. Louis Park. Within that park is the West End, a mall containing, well, you know what malls have. This one, though, had a restaurant called Rojo. Mexican in theme, the place was slightly upscale and was kind of what is expected from Mexican restaurants so far from the border. Nothing was particular creative or exciting-looking, but this wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I decided to order the Chicken Enchiladas. Despite the name of the restaurant, these came in a green poblano sauce with asadero and manchego cheese, plus beans, rice and sour cream. Shockingly, my food turned out to be pretty decent. I say shockingly because the restaurant managed to mess up just about everything else with our food. A couple of salads were ordered and the lettuce was both wilty and browned. In one sense, that is simply why you shouldn’t eat veggies, but I must admit it reflected poorly on the restaurant. And don’t get me started about the margarita and ginger ale water incidents.

But, my meal wasn’t bad. It surely wasn’t anything amazing or worth seeking out, but hey, it was the suburbs of Minneapolis, so what do you expect?

The Twin Cities may have a few claims to their name, but none so big as the Jucy Lucy. This burger stuffed with cheese may have originated at Matt’s Bar, but many other Lucy spots have grown from there and tried to make improvements to an already incredible creation. Despite my desire’s to visit Matt’s Bar, I was convinced by a lawyer (typical) to head to Blue Door instead, as Blue Door is one of those places that supposedly took the Jucy Lucy to the next level.

The idea behind Blue Door is fancier cheeses than American cheese and some different toppings. They also call them Blucys, either from the name of the restaurant or from the fact that they love blue cheese. Or both. Alas, for my Blucy I picked The Merriam Park, named for the neighborhood in St. Paul that Blue Door hangs in. This guy was stuffed with bacon, blue cheese and garlic, then topped with red currant jelly. For my side I chose tater tots.

The result was a snazzy-looking burger with blue cheese doing its best to escape from the confines of meat. If nothing else, this at least meant the seal was already broken and I wouldn’t have to bite into an explosion of molten cheese. As a lover of all things stuffed within this burger, I was certainly a fan. While the garlic flavor didn’t really stick out, everything else did and it was all tasty. The tots were a nice addition, but tasted just like any good tots anywhere.

Having not eaten the original Jucy Lucy at Matt’s Bar, it is hard to make a comparison, but it is nice to know that there is a future for Jucy Lucys beyond the confines of a dive bar in Minneapolis.

Arby’s has always been kind of a fringe fast food chain. You can find it all over the country, but it isn’t exactly on every corner. Perhaps this is the reason it has taken me so long to review them. Or perhaps the reason is because I once heard their meat begins its life as a liquid. Whatever the case, a golden opportunity to chow down on some potentially formerly liquid meat presented itself at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport.

Being an airport restaurant, this Arby’s wasn’t sporting the crazy cheap sandwiches they are typically known for, but the prices weren’t terribly bad. I opted for their Classic Beef ‘n Cheddar Sandwich. This thing started with a roll and was filled with slices of roast beef, a cheddar sauce and some sort of strange red sauce. With Mexican food, you don’t question the red sauce, but with Arby’s I was a bit confused. Yet, it didn’t scream “veggie” and neither did anything else on the sandwich, so I accepted it. I then upgraded to a combo for some curly fries and a drink.

Before I even filled my drink cup, my sandwich was ready for eating. Chowing down, I found exactly what I expected: salty, mostly texture-less beef. Coupled with a cheese sauce that’s a slight upgrade from nacho cheese, this was fast food personified. The roll was pretty good and actually would have worked well on a burger, too. It wasn’t anything crazy, but it did its job. Finally, there was the strange red sauce. This stuff definitely wasn’t ketchup, but it did have a slight tomato-vinegar flavor. Hell, the ladies behind the counter didn’t even know what it was. They also had never heard the name Zachary before, so I don’t know what I was expecting when asking the about the sauce.

Oh, by the way, the fries are awesome. Definitely the best fast food curly fries since A & W gave up on good food.

It’s hard to give Arby’s a bad rating or a good rating. It knows it isn’t pumping out high quality sandwiches, but it does make them fast and free of veggies. I hear their Market Fresh Sandwiches are pretty good, but who goes to a place like Arby’s for something fresh?

Before leaving the Northwoods, I made a stop at the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota to eat at Crave. Although the Mall of America can hardly be considered part of the Northwoods, it’s close enough to be included in my weekly special.

Crave was a nice and spacious restaurant that came highly recommended by my family that was taking me there. A whole lot of food on the menu looked great and we started by ordering appetizers. We got the Mini-Burgers, which the menu said came with bacon, cheddar and rosemary. We also ordered the Lemon Garlic Wings, which came with “Amablu cheese dressing” and cucumbers. Since the family likes cucumbers, I didn’t order the dish without them and just hoped they didn’t touch any of the wings I wanted to eat.

While waiting for the apps, we made our main course orders. I ordered the Baked Truffle Macaroni and Cheese, and asked for grilled chicken in it for good measure. Shortly after, our appetizers arrived in a sort of disappointing fashion. The Mini-Burgers, which made no mention of vegetables in the menu, had tomatoes on them and pickles on the side. And also, the were even mini-er than I could have imagined. Maybe micro-burgers would have been a better name. Nonetheless, once I realized the pickles didn’t touch the burgers and the tomatoes had been evicted, they tasted really good. The chicken wings were still bleeding, so we sent them back to be cooked for a little longer. No one wants salmonella on a cross-country flight. Our re-cooked wings came back just before our main course arrived. They were definitely cooked enough now, and seemed to have lost half of their mass in the process. Luckily the cucumbers didn’t make any contact with the wings and they ended up being pretty good.

When my main course came, it had some pretty funky looking chicken in it. After a quick taste test, I found that it was not chicken at all, but bacon. Good thing I don’t keep Kosher. I alerted the waitress, and about ten minutes later she returned with chicken for me to put in the mac and cheese. I wasn’t terribly disappointed to be getting two meats for the price of one, but it would have been nice if they had gotten the order right in the first place.

In the end, the food was really good, despite the number of mistakes and attempts it took to get everything right. I’m not a tough man to please and my food standards are low. All I really want is for the menu to warn me if there will be vegetables, for my food to be fully cooked and to actually get what I order. Crave didn’t deliver on any of these and although the food tasted good, it just wasn’t worth the seemingly endless hassle.

I know it isn’t technically limited to the Northwoods, but I will always associate Old Chicago with Duluth, Minnesota, because that’s where I always seem to get it.

With a huge beer selection that includes my perennial favorite, Leinenkugel’s Honeyweiss, Old Chicago also has a decent food menu. Looking it over for a while, I eventually decided on the Meatball Stromboli, mostly due to its lack of vegetables.

Sipping on my beer, I relaxed as I awaited my Italian sandwich. When it came, it looked quite good. The bread was of an interesting consistency and the insides were pretty good. It came with extra marinara sauce for dipping, but this was pretty unnecessary for the packed sandwich which was already hard enough to eat without insides falling out.

In all, the sandwich was good fare to go along with my beer, but nothing spectacular.