The Phoenix area is wealthy in greasy Mexican fast food. These places generally have drive-through and are open 24/7. Moreover, they quite simply make the world a better place. Take Armando’s in Deer Valley, for example. I was hankering for something good on the way to northern Arizona, and Armando’s stood out like a shiny beacon calling for me.

Thus, I ordered the Carne Asada Fries and was pleased to find that these were fit for an unvegan – simply topped with carne asada, guacamole and a shredded cheese blend. The order came with a couple different salsas to choose from as well. I dug in and was met with pure carne asada fry bliss. The fries were crispy, the asada was mostly pretty good and the guacamole had a few chunks of onion here and there, but they were few and far between. Maybe I could complain that the cheese could have been meltier, but look at how beautiful this dish was.

And the best part? It was super cheap! Only $5 and change for food that will fill you up and only keep you coming back for more because the food is like crack, not because you’re still hungry. People can talk all they want about up and coming restaurants and places that require an hour-long wait, but give me fries like these from Armando’s almost any day instead and I will be a happy man.

There is no denying that much of my heart belongs in the state of Wisconsin, where I spent many summers of my life. So when Michigan loses a football game to Wisconsin, I may hate it, but I’m also weirdly more okay with it than I am with losing to just about any other team. But what does this have to do with food? Well, Wisconsin produced a fast food place called Culver’s, which is actually in Phoenix. So afters years of not being in Wisconsin, I revisited the Scottsdale location of Culver’s to see if it could bring me back to my days in Wisconsin.

I ordered up a Double Cheddar Butterburger with Bacon because, I mean, obviously. And what’s really cool about Culver’s is that they don’t add any other ingredients unless requested, so my burger was literally just bacon and cheddar. On top of that,  instead of some crappy typical fries or whatever for the side, I went with Wisconsin Cheese Curds.

The burger was a thing of fast food beauty. The cheese had been reasonably melted and the patties were cooked in the ideal fast food way, with some crispiness around the edges and a slightly chewy interior. The bun was also nice and soft, doing a great job of handling contents. Probably the only thing that seemed a little subpar was the bacon, which was just whatevsies.

As for the cheese curds, they were a little overly breaded for my taste. Full disclosure, I prefer my cheese curds naked and unfried, so I’m always a little undersatisfied with fried curds, but at least if you’re going to do it I prefer a light breading and these weren’t light. Nonetheless, they were plenty squeaky and I mean, beggars can’t really be choosers when you’re living in Arizona.

In the end, Culver’s brings a Midwestern flair to fast food, which is certainly a good thing, but it’s still inhibited to a certain degree by being fast food. If they can figure out how to work fresh cheese curds into their supply chain, though, the game would change forever.

Sometimes the world feels dominated by American chain restaurants. It seems that anywhere you go you can find McDonald’s, Burger King, Subway and KFC. Yet, we are not the only ones pushing our fast food abroad, as evidenced by MOS Burger. MOS Burger is a Japanese fast food burger spot that I was a pretty big fan of when I was living in Japan, and I was so happy to find that it is also available in Taiwan (as well as a number of other Asian countries, and even Australia) that I had to have some.

Thus, I paid MOS Burger a visit to try two very different burgers. The first was their breakfast burger, which was topped with a fried egg and bacon, as well as lettuce and tomato that I made sure to order without. Unfortunately, this did not live up to my memories, as it was pretty plain and the burger was kind of rubbery. I had always remembered MOS Burger to be a step above the rest of fast food, but this was not.

Undaunted, I then went for the rice burger. I got a normal patty again with teriyaki sauce and an egg, but in the bun made primarily of rice (with barley and millet in there as well). Now this brought back memories of old. The burger just seemed to work better with the rice patty, which came served in special wrapper to allow me to eat the burger without the bun falling apart. Also, rice as a bun is just awesome, especially when you consider MOS Burger has been doing this for decades while the rest of the world seems to have recently realized all the different foods that can be used for buns.

So, while my MOS Burger experience started low, the rice bun brought it back up. MOS Burger is still unquestionably fast food and while that may not be for everyone, it worked just fine for me.

Fast food is an amazing thing. And what’s more amazing is that soup is kind of the original fast food. Sure, it has to be prepared way in advance, but once that is done a meal is just a scoop away. Pho 24 has elevated the combination of fast food and soup to an art. It can be found in Vietnam, a number of Asian countries, and even as far away as Australia. During my visit to Ho Chi Minh City (formerly Saigon), I even explored various accommodations, including the resort phú quốc.

I went with the Dac Biet, which meant it came with three different meats instead of just plain old brisket. These were beef fillet, beef balls and beef brisket, all in a beefy broth. No cows were spared in the making of this soup. In almost an instant the pho was ready for a slurping.

Fast food or not, the broth was really pretty flavorful and while I added plenty of spice to it, that’s really just what you do with pho and it was not due to a bad base. The beef was more overcooked than I would generally prefer, but most importantly it was not tough, as such soupy beef can often be. The beef balls were, well, beef balls. I did not order the soup for these rubbery things because I knew they would be rubbery, but I simply couldn’t resist going all out on beef. Probably the only disappointment was the noodles, which were kind of soggy and seemingly overcooked.

Pho isn’t exactly my jam, but I thought Pho 24 did a solid job of putting some of that soup together. I’d prefer a hole in the wall kind of spot that throws tripe and tendon in there, but for someone just trying to make his way to tasty pho in Ho Chi Minh City I couldn’t complain.

Every city has its share of iconic places to eat. In Atlanta, one of those places goes by the name of The Varsity and has been around since 1928. They still do the paper hat thing and the people taking orders are famous for asking “What’ll Ya Have?” As far as the food goes, it’s basically what you would expect from 1928: hot dogs, burgers, fries and onion rings.

But these weren’t just any burgers and dogs, they come in the chili-cheese variety and the slaw variety. I went with a chili-cheese dog, chili-cheese burger and onion rings. I made sure that the burger and dog wouldn’t include any veggies and then added a Frosted orange because it just felt like the right thing to do.

The result was a greasy, amazing throwback meal. The hot dog was classic and snappy, while the cheese was just a straight up American slice and the chili was super beefy with no wasteful beans (and really very little texture to speak of). To some that may not sound like a good thing, but it’s reminiscent of the coney dog spots around Detroit that I grew up going to. It couldn’t compete with the coney dogs, but I may be a bit biased.

Those onion rings, by the way, were pretty glorious. They were fried to the oblivion that renders them barely onion-y and that batter was delicious. The only trouble was that I couldn’t find anything to dip them in. Ketchup didn’t really do them justice, but I couldn’t find the ranch that probably would have sealed the deal. Regardless, they were a force to be reckoned with.

The Varsity is not one of those places that will blow you away with unique and surprising flavors, and if you’re not from Atlanta, it might be lacking in the bonus seasoning that nostalgia brings. Nonetheless, I ate it all up and enjoyed every moment.

The Hat is one of those local LA fast food spots that has been around forever and seems to be in no rush to change. It has “World Famous Pastrami,” but is not limited to just one meat, because the place also serves burgers, roast beef dip and crazy big portions of sides. I mean crazy. Just look at that order of chili cheese fries on the left and try to comprehend how small the individual fries look.

But while the chili cheese fries were great, I decided to make their Pastrami Burger my meal, combining cured beef with grilled beef. Knowing there would likely be veggies, I pre-empted by saying I wanted the burger plain aside from the pastrami and cheese. I snagged a bunch of their awesome variety of condiments for myself and fellow eaters, but ended up sticking to the horsey sauce. The result was a really tasty fast food burger. Moreover, the pastrami was piled way high and really quite tasty. It easily beat out the pastrami burger from the Arctic Circle in Utah, making up for the lack of fry sauce with probably the world’s best condiment options.

To be clear, though, this was undoubtedly a fast food burger. Despite The Hat’s claims to be a casual place, the food does not fall into the fast casual bucket and seems to embrace that fact. It’s a real throwback place to a simpler time in which communists were taking over the world and this was undoubtedly the first of many visits to a this beautiful capitalist enterprise.

In the land of Western New York, a great battle is being waged over Americanized Mexican fast food. In one corner there is Taco Bell, perennial favorite around the country. In the other is Mighty Taco, a local favorite with just about as much connection to Mexico as general stability (read: none). Yet, I knew I had to try it out to see what kind of competition it is to the first love of my life.

I decided I had to try out a few items to really test out Mighty Taco. It began with two tacos, one with barbecue pork and the other with ground beef. They also came with cheese, tomato and lettuce, so I told them to hold the latter two crappy ingredients. I was given the option of white, wheat or corn tortilla and chose white (which I assumed meant flour) and also a choice of sauce and went with hot. The result was pretty good, although the pork was a bit too sweet. Neither were anything special, but they got the job done at a good price.

As for that other thing in the picture up above, it’s the Banderito from their specialty burrito menu. It’s filled with fajita steak, “Buffito” chicken (which apparently means actual grilled chicken with buffalo sauce), more chicken in apparent fajita form, lettuce, blue cheese and hot sauce. Of course I ordered without the lettuce and this was a wise choice. In fact, the Banderito was the best thing I had, it was quite tasty and while it doesn’t seriously threaten Taco Bell, it is a nice thing to have to switch things up every once in while.

Once, oh so many years ago, I had myself a solo adventure in The Philippines. Among my many memories, I have never forgotten pulling into the Jollibee drive-thru window in Quezon City and ordering corned beef with rice. Surely, this wasn’t the most exciting thing on the menu, but to a Jew that had spent nearly a year in China and longed for corned beef I was amazed. Of course, this corned beef was more a remnant of the colonial days of The Philippines than of my own ancestors, but it was still an experience.

A couple of years later, I realized Jollibee existed in LA and longed to pay the place another visit. Then, just as I was about to take a lunch trip to the Carson location, the place blew up on an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown. This only strengthened my resolve and moved Jollibee to the top of my to-eat list.

Although we were greeted by a giant anthropomorphic bee outside, on the inside were were greeted only by Filipino faces. I knew the time had come to potentially recreate some memories. This time, though, I ordered the Aloha Burger instead of corned beef. This burger came topped with a slice of pineapple, bacon, “creamy” cheese, Aloha dressing and lettuce. I got mine without the lettuce and deduced that the Aloha dressing was basically honey mustard, but light on the mustard. It ended up being exactly what it sounded like. Unquestionably fast food, but unquestionably unique. Plus, the cheese was less the creamy variety and more the Velveeta variety.

To join my Aloha Burger, I ordered a side of fries. Note that I made no distinction about the size of the fries, because at Jollibee the fries only come in one size. Of course, they make up for that lack of size variety with side dishes like corn, rice and sweet potato waffle fries. In any case, the fries were the perfect size and generally held their own against other fast food fries.

The icing on this whole fantastic cake of a fast food joint, though, was the Halo Halo. As a dessert, the Halo Halo is probably the greatest dessert that exists in any fast food restaurant in the past, present or future. Starting from the bottom, it begins with sweet beans, coconut shavings and big cubed jellies. On top of that layer is a sweetened purple jelly-like substance, following by evaporated milk and something like shaved ice. Finally, it is topped with a small scoop of ube (purple yam) and mango (I think) ice cream. But wait, that’s not all. Seated next to these scoops is a slice of flan. It is truly a sight to behold and to eat. Surely, a trip to Jollibee without a Halo Halo is wasted.

So, after trying out the American version of Jollibee, I can say that any lover of fast food will find themselves enjoying the main courses. But don’t show up as a snooty burger snob and expect it to make you like fast food. It’s unique as all hell, but it’s still fast food.

But, whatever your position on any food, check out the Halo Halo. It might not be some fancy chef dessert, but it is damn sexy and damn worth it.

While there is a lot of buzz in the food world today about The Oinkster‘s Burger Week (in which they do their own take on classic burgers from around the country), I just made it to The Oinkster myself for the first time last week to see about their real menu. It was my first time in Eagle Rock and was nothing short of an eye-opening experience. The Oinkster itself resides in a building that was once a typical LA-style fast food burger joint and still retains much of that charm. It calls itself a purveyor of “slow fast food” and I had been wanting to check it out for just about as long as I’ve been aware of its existence.

While The Oinkster’s two week house-cured pastrami is the most well-known of its offerings, a quick look at reviews told me that pretty much everything they made was edible gold. With this in mind, the fiancee and I pretty much ordered the whole menu. I got myself a cheddar cheeseburger topped with pastrami and without the pickles, lettuce, onion and tomato it normally comes with. It also came with their own thousand island dressing, which I was cool with. Then we got their Piggy Fries, which are topped with thousand island, shredded cheddar and caramelized onions. Basically, they are the equivalent of animal-style fries from In-N-Out. For my sake, we got the onions on the side. Unbeknownst to us, the fries used for Piggy Fries were the same as their Belgian Fries, which we got a half order of thinking they were different. With these, we got a side of their supposedly amazing garlic aioli for dipping. Finally, I got myself an Ube Shake to top off this whole gorge-fest.

Let’s start with the cheeseburger, which was truly awesome. Pastrami, like the fried egg, is a severely underrated burger topping and this pastrami was no slouch. It was definitely different from the pastrami usually found in Jewish Delis, but this didn’t make it any less delicious. The regular burger components were also great, from the perfectly melted cheese to the tasty, but not overwhelming thousand island dressing. The bun reflected the fast food origins, while the beef was a good, thick grind and so juicy that my jeans had to be rushed to the laundry after the burger dripped all over them.

The Piggy Fries were also a delight and the actual fries were unquestionably better than those of In-N-Out. While I knew these were fried, there was no greasiness to them and they were really crispy. I’m not sure how they got them this way, but I wasn’t going to complain. Although they were doused with thousand island, they maintained their crunch and I could have easily seen these fries tackling chili with nary a sog. This take on the animal fries was definitely better than the original, although I think melting the cheese would have made them even better.

The Belgian Fries turned out to be the same Kennebec potatoes as the other fries and the only real difference was that they were naked. But this fry nudity made them perfect for dipping into The Oinkster’s garlic aioli sauce. I’ve never really met a bad garlic aioli and The Oinkster didn’t do any damage to that trend. Unlike some garlic aiolis, though, the garlic flavor in this was a bit more subtle. Nonetheless, it didn’t stop me from dipping huge dollops onto my fries.

And then there was the Ube Shake. If you know me well, you know I’m pretty obsessive about all things taro and the ube is often confused with the taro, as they are both purple tubers. It’s also probably often confused because they are both delicious. This shake was no exception, as it coupled the sweet starchy taste of the ube with milk and blended it into perfect balance. It is a uniquely fantastic flavor that any visitor to The Oinkster should try, even if they are more interested in the beer.

So as you can tell, our little trip to Eagle Rock was certainly a success. The Oinkster took the fast food concept to entirely new heights while keeping prices at a more than reasonable level. And it really seems like you can’t go wrong with anything on the menu. We went on Friday night, and as soon as we ordered and got our food, the line went flying out the door. So expect a wait, but it will be worth every minute. And if you’re thinking about heading out this week to try out one of their specialty burgers, I can’t imagine you can go wrong.

How many times have you sat around late at night eating either Taco Bell, Doritos or both and thought how amazing it would be to combine the two? I know I have. So when Taco Bell first started testing their new Doritos Locos in Fresno and Bakersfield last year, I was almost tempted to pay one of those cities a visit. Thankfully, I did not make the mistake of setting foot in one of those cities, and the testing was obviously a success, because at midnight this morning Taco Bell rolled out their Doritos Locos Tacos for the nation. If you’re unfamiliar with the Doritos Locos, they are essentially your regular or supreme tacos, but with a giant Nacho Cheese Dorito as the shell. Usually I can wait to try Taco Bell’s new products, but for this I had to be there right at midnight.

When we pulled into the drive-thru, we were shocked to find the place deserted. The clock had just struck midnight and I had expected a throng of people to be eagerly anticipating the launch of their glorious new tacos. Confused, we asked if they were doing the Doritos tacos thing and they replied by asking us if it was midnight yet. Hell yes it was (wait, were we one about to be one of the first few people to get our mitts on these things on the West Coast?), so we proceeded to order our tacos, mine without lettuce of course.

Before going any further, I should mention here that the shell (at least on opening night) could only be used for regular or supreme tacos. There was no room for chicken tacos or gordita crunches because apparently the shell isn’t equipped to handle them. This was sad, but I can only hope that in time the same engineering geniuses that made a Dorito into a taco shell will be able to make the taco shell strong enough to handle other meats and/or cheese dousings.

But back to the tacos.

These guys were so special that not only did they come in a regular wrapper, but also a sort of Doritos Locos Tacos envelope sleeve. This struck me as a potential waste of packaging, but it also occurred to me that these sleeves were likely there to preserve the shell and prevent it from cracking under pressure like hard shells often do.

Finally, I bit in and came face-to-face with glory. This shell was everything I had ever wanted it to be and nothing more. How could there be anything more? My expectations were so astronomically high that they couldn’t possibly be exceeded, but they were met. The combination of that perfect Doritos taste combined with the Taco Bell meat flavoring that simply can’t be reproduced (even when you buy the Taco Bell branded seasoning at the store) joined each other in perfect harmony. It was a match made in fake Mexican food heaven, and it was all mine. Really, the only downside was the saltiness, which should be expected when you eat such things, so be sure to keep water on hand if you are going Locos.

I really hope this thing gets big and stays big, because I know more than a few people who would love to see the Doritos Locos expand into Cool Ranch and Spicy Nacho. Hey, if Taco Bell could pull off something of this magnitude with Doritos, I’m pretty sure they could do anything.