It’s really hard to get enough of hot pot, especially when you live in a place with a ton of hot pot options. Element is a shiny and semi-new spot in Alhambra that offers all-you-can-eat and the divided hot pot that almost always seems necessary when I am eating with people who can’t handle heat.

Element offers all the usual options and while I spent time with taro, lotus root and other acceptable non-meat foods, I naturally found myself enjoying most of the meal with the beef and lamb. Of course, these meats would have been great on their own (after being cooked in the spicy broth), but Element offered some delicious sauce options that are crucial to any successful hot potting.

As hot pots go, Element tasted like a cut above most in terms of quality. The meat was tender after being cooked and again, I can’t emphasize how nice it is when you can make a tasty sauce. For a higher quality hot pot experience, Element has what it takes.

I have a confession and this may come as a surprise to all of you: I love Brazilian BBQ. Yes, I know it’s shocking that a menagerie of meat such as Brazilian BBQ could be one of my loves, but it’s true. Unfortunately, this isn’t an easy love. Firstly, it ain’t cheap like Korean BBQ, which is equally meaty. Secondly, I can’t go without eating an insane amount of food. Sorry, it’s just how I work at such things, which means my body usually needs a fair amount of recovery time before going back. But, when I saw a sweet Travelzoo deal for Libra in Culver City, at least my first problem with Brazilian BBQ was taken care of.

Upon entering, we were immediately seated and our head waiter came by to see if we knew the ways of churrascaria. We assured him that we did and set out to peruse the salad bar. This thing was vast and had surprising options like mac and cheese to go with the more typical items like yucca and beans. Per my usual, I avoided the entire salad bar (save for a little cheese and salami) as I planned on filling up completely on meat.

I shan’t get into each individual meat we were offered, but I will certainly highlight a few. In fact, one of the first things we were served turned out to be one of the best – garlic beef. This stuff was perfectly cooked to a medium rare and had just the right amount of garlic to add flavor but not so much to frighten off the ladies/vampires.

Another highlight was their picanha steak. As with every other churrascaria I’ve been to, the waiters referred to this as the house special and as always it really was special. I don’t know what they do with it other than lightly season it with salt, but it was as good as I expected it to be and I definitely went back for seconds.

One thing that was surprisingly good was their smoked sausage. This stuff just melted in my mouth and was packed with smokey awesome flavor (insert sexual innuendo here). It was sliced super thin (end sexual innuendo here) and completely blew away the other sausage offering, which was the Brazilian sausage. I tend to think based on the restaurant we were at that both sausages were Brazilian, but this full, unsliced Brazilian sausage was a poor comparison to the smoked.

I could go on about the chicken hearts, lamb chops, pork ribs and beef ribs, but that would be pretty long-winded. Just know that pretty much everything was awesome. Yet, one of the most awesome things of all wasn’t meat at all. It was their grilled pineapple, which I experienced for the first time at M Grill. Here at Libra, it was no less amazing. Sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar and packed full of pineapple juice, my taste buds jumped for joy.

Oh, and I won’t forget about the salad bar, in which I certainly saved room to dabble. The best thing I found over there was a pan full of chicken adobo. Chicken adobo is a big deal in just about every Latin-influenced county and interestingly enough they all taste different. And also interesting is that they are all delicious. This stuff had a great taste to it and was just moist, tender and delectable.

Finally, the Travelzoo deal included a dessert and we opted for the berry meringue. This was a wise choice because it was not only light, but also worthy in taste. The strawberries and blueberries were fresh and perfectly ripe, while the whipped cream was simple, unsweetened and a perfect companion to the meringue. It was a great way to wrap the meal up.

In closing, go to Libra. If you eat meat, you won’t regret it. If you don’t eat meat, one sweet look at the waiters’ skewers will convert you. Plus, even the regular price of the place is a whole lot cheaper than a lot of churrascarias.

Once upon a time, Koreatown boasted an all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ joint called Manna and long before I had my own meat blog, I made my way to Manna for a protein-fest. The memory of this visit stuck with me as I visited the inferior Manna outpost in the Fox Hills mall. Granted, I wasn’t too disappointed, because you can’t really be disappointed with so much meat, but I knew there was something better out there. By the time I made it back to Manna in Koreatown, it was no longer Manna, but had become Meat, which is a far more appropriate name.

To say that nothing changed aside from the name would only be an understatement if I had a terrible memory, but if my memory did serve me, everything was unchanged. The place was still in one of those sort of indoor, sort of outdoor settings, which mad for a great place to eat. This setting was what the mall version truly lacked. Even the prices were the same! For 16.99, Meat offered 6 different meats that could be ordered in any quantity for us to cook at our table. The options were: Beef Brisket, Pork Belly, Spicy Beef Short Rib, Regular Beef Short Rib, Spicy Chicken Bulgogi and Beef Bulgogi.

We ordered all the meats and just about all of them were incredible. And, whenever we ran out of something delicious, we had a button at our table to push to call our waiter back over. Of course, the button was right where your elbow would normally go, so we ended up calling the waiter over a bit more than we really wanted to.

Rather than break down and explain every meat, I’ll just say that the Beef Bulgogi and the Spicy Beef Short Rib were easily the greatest dishes. The pork belly and the beef brisket were the worst of the bunch. And in this bunch, being the worst simply meant that they did not have enough flavor. The cuts were great, but beyond that they could not compete. The bulgogi sauce was just the perfect amount of sweet and the spicy short rib sauce was just the right amount of spicy. Plus, both of these cuts were tender and juicy.

And it all goes down smooth with a bottle or three of Hite, everyone’s favorite Korean beer. And by everyone I mean me.

On the side, Meat brings out a bunch of little pickled side dishes and some sort of eggy dish. I looked at these, but quickly moved back onto my meat, because I had no need to waste stomach space on such things, even those that weren’t veggies.

Meat also carries on the traditions of Manna with that whole champagne celebration thing. You know, where you tell them that someone at your table is having a birthday and then they put on some crazy Korean birthday music and spray the birthday boy/girl with a whole shower of champagne. It matters not whether that person is dressed in their Sunday finest or Monday worst, they are getting showered.

In short, Meat is amazing. The very name should be enough to tell you it is awesome, but really the whole experience is remarkable. From the setting to the meats to the prices to the champagne shower, Meat was a winner on every account. Should you ever find yourself in need of food in Koreatown, you will not be disappointed by Meat.

In my continuing quest to find the greatest buffet in Las Vegas (and eventually the world!), I may have found one to stand toe to toe with Rio’s Carnival World Buffet. Situated in Planet Hollywood, the Spice Market Buffet doesn’t fit into the Hollywood theme, at least in name. It also doesn’t bear any resemblance to a Spice Market. Nonetheless, it does use spices and the walls are adorned with food-related movie posters like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! and Breakfast at Tiffany’s (two very similar movies). The lunch buffet cost 25 bucks, but as soon as I looked around, I knew it was going to be well worth the price.

Spread around the place were signs naming the types of food sprawled beneath. There was Seafood, Italian, Asian, American, Dessert, Middle-Eastern, Soup, Mexican and of course two Salad stations that I would have avoided completely had they not had both fruit and cheese. Our waiter, Juan, was awesome and even though his job was the simple task of clearing our plates and bringing us drinks, he was just about the friendliest restaurant worker in the world. After putting in my drink order, I had the enviable task of deciding where the hell to start eating. A brief walk and I knew just where to go.

American.

My foray into my native country brought me prime rib, bacon, citrus-marinated chicken and mashed potatoes. This was a hell of a strong start. The prime rib was already juicy, but the au jus I ladled onto it made it even juicier and tastier. I was lucky enough to get a thick cut, but the thickness did not get in the way of the tenderness. The thing was a bit fatty, but not so much that I felt I wasn’t getting enough meat. Plus, had I wanted more I could have just gone up and gotten it. I followed this with some delicious bacon. This stuff managed to somehow be both crispy and melty. The initial bite was nice and solid, but as soon as it got in my mouth, it melted like delicious pig-tummy butter. The mashed potatoes made a nice side and although they could have just used some sort of mix, these were the real deal: creamy, salty and full of skin. My least favorite was the chicken, which didn’t taste bad, but was just something I felt no need to waste any additional stomach space on. After all, space is everything. And the final frontier. I was ready for my next plate.

Mexican.

Continuing my culinary world tour, I headed south of the border for some Mexican food. Part of the setup was a sort of taco/fajita bar, while the other side was more of a salsa station. I decided to make the most of both and created some loaded nachos. First I piled a bunch of nachos on the plate, then carefully picked out asada and chicken from their respective fajita trays, making sure not to accidentally grab any peppers. Next, I piled on their beans and then moved to the cheese. In hindsight, since the cheese was shredded and not melted, I should have put it on before the beans so it would melt, but alas, hindsight is 20/20. But I wasn’t done, I topped it off with some spicy red salsa and some guacamole, then finally returned to eat it. It looked and tasted like a thing of beauty. It had just the right ratio of components that no single ingredient overpowered. Once again, my least favorite was the chicken, because it was a bit dry, but the beans were enough to keep the mood wet. Yet, despite this wetness, the chips maintained their strength. So much so that 15 minutes into eating, they were just as crisp as they had been in the beginning. No floppy chips here. Now what?

Italian and Seafood.

Since neither of these nations of food offered me enough for a full plateful (or my stomach was getting packed), I decided to combine the two. I began with pizza and lasagna, then took a couple of tempura shrimp (which really bridges the gap of Asian and Seafood). The pizza wasn’t just some half-assed effort to get kids to eat at their buffet. In fact, they had a real wood-fired oven to cook the pizza in. It didn’t compare to the wood-fired pizza at most restaurants that are dedicated to that particular food, but was certainly a big step up from chain pizza. The lasagna, though, was just plain decent. Rolled up as though it was canneloni, it tasted fine, but wasn’t special enough to waste more than a biteful of my stomach. Finally, I crunched into the shrimp tempura. I always find shrimp walks a fine line between rubbery and tasty, but this shrimp had been so thoroughly fried that any semblance of its original texture was long gone. In its place was crispy, amazing shrimp tempura, which despite being so fried, refused to be dried out. Hell, I would eat my shoe if it were fried like that. By now, I was slowing down, but still fighting.

Middle-Eastern.

Like so many people throughout history, I took the fight to the Middle-East. Here I encountered hummus, pita, tandoori chicken skewers (Middle-East/India…same thing) and some chicken curry. This was definitely the most disappointing part of my meal. The hummus was just kind of too thick without being creamy. It wasn’t dry, as some hasty hummus can be, but after a few bites I was finished. As for the skewers, I found them to be a bit dry, and although I tried to moisten them up with some curry, I quickly found out that the curry was actually marinara sauce. Actually not bad marinara, but definitely not in the right place. The chicken curry had also been cooked in marinara. Again, I would have liked it had I found it in the Italian section, but this wasn’t quite right. I hoped my next plate would be better.

Asian.

My stomach was nearing capacity and I really just went to the Asian area to get some tastes. This began with crab rangoon (again bridging the Asian/Seafood gap), then moved to lemon chicken and beef chow mein noodles. The crab rangoon was a nice surprise of taste and tasted even better when dipped into the sweet Thai chili sauce. The lemon chicken was a strange twist on orange chicken, except they had apparently used lemon instead of orange. The difference was negligible, but still tasted pretty good. Finally, the beef chow mein tasted pretty good, but the noodles were so thick that I could hardly get them into my belly. I’m glad I didn’t start out with these noodles, because although they tasted good, they were just too filling for me to have wasted early space on.

I finished off my meal with as much fruit as I could find. I needed to do my stomach at least some sort of favor in that meal, plus I would rather have fruit than any other dessert. In the end, I was ready to pass out, but instead I had a four hour drive ahead of me. I knew that for the full four hours my digestive system would be working overtime, but it was sure worth it. This was definitely a buffet worthy of rivaling Rio. The Asian and Middle-Eastern sections could have used a little additional effort, but there was really little to complain about. Plus, I know they add even more skewers and crab legs for their dinner, so if lunch isn’t variety enough for you, dinner sounds even better.

Once in every generation, a great new idea is unleashed upon the world. The steam engine. The printing press. Penicillin. All-you-can-eat Brazilian pizza. That’s right, that list of great ideas now has company and it comes in the form of Bella Vista, a somewhat new restaurant in Culver City. As if combining the awesomeness of Brazilian food with phenomenon of pizza wasn’t enough, Bella Vista took the combination one step further by offering it rodizio-style, which is basically the Brazilian version of a buffet, but with the added bonus that the food is brought to you, rather than forcing you to do actual work. Oh and all that only costs $12.99.

Throughout the dinner, I experienced some pizza I had never seen before in my life and all devoid of tomato sauce. So here’s the breakdown of what I found to be awesome. First off was any pizza that used a cheese called catupiry. This creamy Brazilian cheese added a dimension of taste to any pizza it touched that was sort of like goat cheese, but with a grainier and stickier texture. A Bella Vista, this delicious cheese could be found on the Frango com Catupiry and 4 Cheese pizzas. Frango com Catupiry also had chicken and corn, making it a pretty interesting combo you wouldn’t find in any ordinary pizza place. The 4 Cheese was what you would expect from any 4 cheese pizza, except that in addition to the more normal mozzarella, parmesan and provolone cheese, catupiry was there to make it uniquely Brazilian.

But catupiry wasn’t all that made this place special. They also had a crazy Stroganoff pizza, which is exactly how it sounds. Yes, literally beef stroganoff on pizza and topped with mini potato sticks. It wasn’t the easiest thing to eat, but it sure tasted good. There was also their Alho Frito pizza, which is just a fancy Portuguese way of saying fried garlic. It was also quite good.

There were definitely some pizzas that weren’t quite built for an unvegan, but needed some tasting, such as the Calabreza pizza. This had calabreza smoked sausage mozzarella cheese and onions. In order to eat this, I had to pick out the onions, but it was worth it to give that sausage a whirl.

Finally, as things were winding down at the restaurant and we seemed to be the last table standing, our lovely waitress came out to ask us if we wanted anything more. We did, and she said she would have the kitchen make us a pizza just out of the types we wanted. Not surprisingly, I opted for the Meat Lovers pizza. It was made with pepperoni, Brazilian sausage, salami and ham. When it did finally come, I found it was actually the most disappointing pizza of the night. Was it bad? No, in fact it was really good, but it just didn’t blow my mind and taste buds like all the unique pizzas I had already eaten that night. If I want a Meat Lovers pizza I can just go to regular pizza place, but at Bella Vista there was no need to waste stomach space on such an ordinary pizza.

But that was not the end of my eating. After the Meat Lovers came it was time for dessert. And what a dessert it was. First off, I tried out the Banana com Calnela pizza. Covered in creamy mozzarella, bananas and cinnamon, this pizza alone would have been enough to close out my meal. Yet, there were still two other dessert pizzas. The second was called Romeu e Julieat, which used guava paste as a sort of sauce underneath a mild mozzarella for a delicious balance. Last, but not least, came the Brigadeiro com Morango. Essentially it was a strawberry and chocolate pizza. It was topped with real strawberries, a chocolate and condensed milk sauce and chocolate sprinkles. It was like the perfect trifecta of dessert pizzas and has probably spoiled me for all kinds of dessert pies in the near future.

Before paying our bill, we even got the chance to chat with Marcelo, the owner of the place. He explained about the freshness of the ingredients and just how much better his pizza was than your average pizza. Normally I would take comments like that with a grain of salt, but considering how amazing the meal had been, it was hard to argue against him.

Before I begin, I first want to apologize for the poor quality pictures. For some reason, The Golden Nugget decided that their buffet needed a lot of yellowish lighting, and getting rid of that was no easy task. So even though the pictures are grainy as hell and jaundiced in color, at least they give some sort of idea of what the food looked like…not that looks could do anything to save this buffet.

Now, for some reason I have always loved Fremont Street in Las Vegas. Maybe it’s the guys trying to sell you coke in the middle of the street, the crazy light displays or the free beads at La Bayou. Whatever it is, it has some unvegan allure. And for a while now, I’ve been hearing that Fremont has some damn good buffets. With that in mind, my buddy and I headed to the nicest casino down there, The Golden Nugget, thinking their buffet would be the cream of Fremont’s crop.

Boy were we wrong.

Admission was 20 bucks and I already knew something was fishy. Part of the point of eating on this end of town was to eat cheaper, but this was comparable to a lot of the main strip. But there was one bonus, bottomless champagne. This made me feel better about forking over my black jack winnings and I hoped the food would at least be decent.

But nope, instead of decent, we got food that was passable. It was edible, but eating it was no fun. I started with some hummus and pita, french toast and bacon. The hummus was dry, the french toast was just okay and the bacon was surprisingly awesome. It was crunchy, salty and smokey, and was almost good enough to save that first plate.

Then came plate number 2. I tested out some mashed potatoes, Hawaiian pizza, sweet and sour chicken and a mini bagel. The bagel could have come from plastic bag and was fine, but nothing special. The pizza tasted like it had been sitting under a heat lamp for about 12 hours. The cheese seemed to have melted and congealed countless times, making it quite terrible. The chicken was just alright and the mashed potatoes at least served as some filler.

In most buffets, there would be plates 3-7, but not at the Golden Nugget. By the time I got through two rounds, I was ready to move on to dessert. There was a nice selection of pastries and these actually ended up being the second best part of the meal (after the bacon). Now if you know me, you know I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. So when I say the best part of the buffet was the dessert, then you know it was a terrible buffet.

So if you want my advice, avoid the buffet at The Golden Nugget. The Nugget is certainly worth a visit to go swimming around a shark tank and to see a really big golden nugget, but for buffets you can do so much better in Vegas. SOOO much better.

Shakey’s Pizza and I have a long history, dating all the way back to when I lived in Japan. I discovered Shakey’s in Kyoto and found it to have the best pizza in Japan, at least at that time. They had a modestly priced buffet and although they still served crazy Japanese-style pizza with mayonnaise and corn, they also had good old fashioned pepperoni and cheese. Plus they had delicious fried potatoes and Melon Fanta. Needless to say, every trip to Kyoto came with a stop at Shakey’s. Little did I know at the time that Shakey’s was not just some Japanese anomaly, but had begun in the US. At one point it was a pretty big deal in the US, but now there are more of them in Asia than in the US. Yet, it wasn’t until I moved to LA that I realized I could enjoy the Shakey’s goodness without a plane trip to Asia. Although I knew of Shakey’s in LA for awhile, I finally got the chance to check it out myself and see if it could live up to my memories.

I was able to convince some of my coworkers to join me at the location in North Hollywood to check out their Bunch of Lunch Buffet. This amazing deal was only 8 bucks and included pizza, pasta, potatoes, fried chicken and even salad (gross). I quickly learned that the potatoes I remembered so fondly were not simply called potatoes here. Instead, they were called Mojos. Rather than being sliced into stringy bits like fries, these had been sliced into circular hunks, breaded, seasoned and deep fried. This process created some pretty fantastic Mojos.

But what of the pizza?

Well although Shakey’s in Japan was the best American pizza I could get, it is certainly not the best American pizza I can get in America. But that doesn’t mean the pizza is bad. In fact, for a buffet, the pizza is pretty decent. It’s not the kind of pizza I would crave too often, but it is definitely the kind of pizza i can see myself craving when I just want to eat a butt-load of pizza. The crust is flaky, yet firm enough to hand being picked up by hand. They even had a crazy pizza that day with mac and cheese on top. Nothing beats carb on carb on cheese action.

Then there was the fried chicken. This was something I definitely didn’t remember from Japan. The breading on it was pretty decent, but the chicken itself was a bit too dry. Never fear, though, because in case of emergency dryness, every table is equipped with a beer button. Yes, a button simply made to order beer and nothing else. This was too good to be true, but since this was a work lunch, I had no chance to take advantage of it.

Finally, there were the mashed potatoes. These spuds were…well…just okay. There was nothing really wrong with the flavor except for the knowledge that you could make them yourself. From a box. Yes, they were fake. Or at least they tasted that way. If not fake, then they did a really good job of capturing the taste of faux potatoes. Even if these mashed potatoes has been good, they still would have played second potato to the Mojos.

Mojos were definitely the stars of the Shakey’s show; crispy, crunchy, flavorful and delicious. The pizza wasn’t bad and certainly didn’t hurt my memory of their pizza in Japan, but there is just too much good pizza in the country for Shakey’s to be anything more than a buffet stop at a great price.

I think we can all agree that there are not enough places in the world that offer unlimited food. And the places that do are usually pretty bogged down by endless salad bars and other assorted vegetables. Manna Korean BBQ in Culver City is not one of those places. Instead of concentrating on veggies, they have decided to concentrate on meats. For only 16.99, you get all you can eat meats. And these aren’t just generic grade D meats, these are a collection of short rib, brisket, pork belly, pork, chicken, spicy chicken and beef.

To get this, though, you have to play by the rules. Everyone at the table needs to participate in the all-you-can-eat or else they have to pay for it as well. The logic makes sense, but it also means you better not go if you don’t have hungry people with you. Also, you can only get three plates at a time. Again, this makes sense because these are some huge dishes of mean and no one wants to let any of that go to waste. And then there is one last thing to remember. It’s not so much a rule, but something you just have to know. You cook the food yourself. Some aren’t a big fan of this, but I love it, if for no other reason than if you are eating with boring people, you can keep busy with cooking and talking about cooking.

So before the meat comes, they bring out some Korean-style potato-scallion pancakes. They’re basically the Korean version of latkes and are quite tasty after being tossed on the grill for a few minutes. They also bring out some pickled foods like kimchi and radishes to go as the sort of sides with the meat. The only part of that I like is the delicious, moist rice paper that can be used to turn the meat into Korean-style taco.

Then comes the meat; the only thing that really matters. In comes in piles on plates and looks amazing even before it gets cooked. You get some snazzy tongs and start tossing the delicious dead animals on the grill. So here’s the scoop on the meats. These aren’t crazy-thin cuts like you get at Gyu-Kaku that turn to butter in your mouth, so they take a bit longer to cook. But once you get going, the wait time really goes away as meat keeps going back and forth. Of the meats, my favorite was their BBQ beef. They put some delicious sweet BBQ sauce on there that makes me wish every other meat could have it. Then comes their beef short ribs and their beef brisket. The short ribs are a little fattier and provide a great flavor for themselves, where the brisket doesn’t have a terrible amount of flavor, but is nice and thin and easy to cook. Plus, everything tastes good when dipped into their sauces.

The pork belly was a little disappointing, because although this is the meat used to create bacon, the god meat, it was missing all the other goodies that make bacon so great. Like salt. And smoke. And crack. Instead, the belly was pretty flavorless. The spicy and regular chicken are also a little bit tough for a place like this. Don’t get me wrong, I love my chicken and this is good chicken, but cooking it on these grills can be a major pain. Where beef can be undercooked and still be tasty and safe, undercooked chicken is slimy and can make you pretty ill (not like the Beastie Boys).

Although meat was certainly the best part of our dinner, we did get to witness an amazing event like none other. Apparently some people at a table nearby were celebrating a birthday at Manna. Big mistake. These poor people were pulled out to the middle of the restaurant and publicly humiliated. No, it wasn’t one of those weak public humiliations like stoning or stocks. Instead, the waiters whipped out a couple bottles of champagne, popped off the tops and sprayed that sweet alcoholic nectar all over the poor birth-people. It was a sight to behold and made me glad my birthday didn’t fall on that day.

I left Manna full of tons of tasty meat and one happy unvegan. If there is such thing as protein overdose, Manna Korean BBQ is the place to succumb to it.

EDIT: This Souplantation is no more, but if you’re into salad bars there are plenty others carrying on its name.

As a man who loves all-you-can-eat, I was very excited at the prospect of heading to Souplantation (also known as Sweet Tomatoes in some places). I knew that they had an 80-foot salad bar, which sounded terrible, but I had also been told they had some REAL food. When I walked in, I hadn’t totally comprehended what an 80-foot salad bar would look like, and it bothered me deeply. Tucked in the recesses of this foul bar, I found some pastas that seemed pretty decent. I decided to start with these and took them back to my table for some tasting.

Unfortunately, these pastas were not at all as good as they looked. All of them were cold, which rendered them mostly tasteless. I don’t really understand why people eat cold pastas and enjoy them, but they are certainly not my thing. Since these were the only unvegan options at the salad bar, I boycotted all 80 feet of it and tried to find something good. What I found was some Mac and Cheese. This mac and cheese was in dire need of some salt, but salt would have been to simple for an unvegan. Instead, I found some bacon bits and sprinkled them upon the mac. This add a nice smoky and meaty flavor to the mac in addition to the saltiness.

After my mac, I thought I should check out some of the namesakes of Souplantation, no, not the plantations…the soups. These weren’t the most exciting soups, but the chili looked like it could fit my unvegan needs. I topped this with cheese and since I couldn’t find anything crunchy like Fritos, I added some bacon to the top of this too. And that bacon was quite necessary. I know that a lot of chili has tomato in it, but in this, the tomatoes were nearly impossible to avoid while digging for beef. The bacon gave me some more meat to play around with, but it wasn’t enough to save the halfway decent chili.

But I wasn’t done yet, this was a buffet after all. Following the chili, I found something else to drop cheese and bacon bits into. A baked potato! There isn’t much to say about this except that it tasted like a potato and the cheese and bacon added that good old fashioned cheesy and bacony flavor. This was a pretty tiny tater, which was actually nice because it left more room in my stomach for some other carbs. These were the pizza and breadsticks. The pizza was a basic cheese and was mostly dough with a little bit of sauce and cheese. Now supposedly there were two types of breadsticks, one a cheesy garlic and another a four cheeser. I couldn’t tell any difference, but whichever one I got did have a strong cheesy flavor that was much appreciated.

After a few rounds of that pizza, which was arguably the best thing there, I finally moved onto dessert. They had some pastries, jell-o and other typical buffet food, but I opted for some soft serve ice cream and a muffin. The cones for the soft serve were the smallest I’d ever seen, and really limited the amount of ice cream you could get. I guess I could have grabbed a bowl instead, but I like my ice cream from a cone, the old-fashioned way. The muffin was pretty good and although slightly dry, could have been a lot worse. Plus, it was blueberry, my favorite.

So to sum it all up, if you like salad, you will love Souplantation. Maybe they should call it Saladplantation? The non-salad food was pretty limited and none of it was especially stellar. It was nice to be able to mix and match by using bacon and cheese, but a good chili and mac and cheese would have been seasoned enough to start, without needing my help. Hey, if I wanted to cook, I would have, but I came to eat and found there was a bit too much of a struggle to find enough food to fill my stomach right.

As the dream goes, there is no greater collection of delicious buffets than in Las Vegas. It’s no stretch to think of Vegas as the buffet Mecca, and the Kaaba in this Mecca must surely be Rio’s Carnival World Buffet.

When I was seated, I didn’t even take the time to sit down, as I just threw my jacket on my seat to begin my feast.

Round 1: Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and a meatball.

There was no need to take it slowly. It is a fact that it takes twenty minutes for the mind to realize that the stomach is full, so I had to get as much food as I could before my crazy stomach decided it was full. Since I had been drinking all day, I went straight for the fried food. The fried chicken was a good heavy hitter to coat my stomach. The mashed potatoes were great as a side, featuring a healthy amount of butter and even some cheese. The single meatball stood strong for a loner, while the only disappointment was the mac and cheese, which needed a lot of salt and loving. I don’t understand how restaurants can mess up mac and cheese. I strongly believe that any restaurant should be able to make food better than I can, yet somehow whenever I make Kraft’s Macaroni and Cheese, it seems to turn out better than a restaurant version of the same dish. I made sure to rid myself of these thoughts and kept on eating. After a quick devouring, I moved on.

Round 2: Pizza, crab legs, french fries and a soft pretzel.

My next set of food featured quite a variety. The pepperoni pizza was pretty good, but nothing worth filling up my stomach on. The crab legs, however, must be the greatest idea that buffets have ever come up with, at least from the point of view of the buffet owners. It takes so damn long to open those legs up and eat them (oh wow that just sounds wrong), that you don’t realize your twenty-minute eating window is closing. After eating one, I decided to make the jump to the fries, which were more like a smorgasbord of potato. Not only were there regular fries, but also steak fries and tater tots. All that was missing were waffle and curly fries. Maybe they’ll have those next time to complete the package. The soft pretzel was also a great addition, but I couldn’t get past thinking it was just filler and only had a few bites.

Round 3: Roast beef, turkey, BBQ beans, corn and more mashed potatoes.

It was around this time that my friends got full and stopped making their runs for the buffet. I would be lying if I said I needed more food, but this was no longer a matter of eating for survival, I was eating because there was just so much left for me to experience. As my stomach began to feel the effects of my binge, I made sure to hit the meat hard. That’s what she said. I got myself a nice, big slice of roast beef and an equal slice of turkey to accompany it. Just in case turkey wasn’t enough of a side dish, I also grabbed some BBQ beans, corn and mashed potatoes. The roast beef was tasty, especially with the gravy, but the turkey was a bit dry. Luckily, everything else made up for it and whet my appetite for a final push to the buffet.

Round 4: Beef short ribs, an enchilada, a taquito and a taco.

Although it didn’t fit with the general fiesta theme of my plate, I decided I could use some beef short ribs, which were really good and didn’t get too stuck in my teeth. I had mangled the enchilada while getting it onto my plate, which may or may not have been the reason I didn’t love it. The taquito, however, more than made up for it. Finally, I had the kicker, a make-your-own-taco, complete with melted cheese sauce. Oh, how I wish I could have discovered the sauce in the beginning of my feast! As my condiment of choice, it surely would have turned a superb meal into the best meal on Earth. Alas, this was not meant to be, and I could only enjoy the sauce on my Mexican fare and long for that day that I return to Rio.