There’s really very little in life that can compare to a true apples to apples comparison. Or, if you’re in Lockhart, Texas, a meat to meat comparison. You see, Lockhart is the BBQ capital of Texas and literally after finishing up the brisket (or shoulder clod depending on who you are asking) at Kreuz Market, I headed right around the corner to Black’s BBQ, which a member of my family said was even better. In few moments, I would quickly decide whether he was foolish or praiseworthy.

Black’s not only had brisket to compare to Kreuz, but jalapeno cheddar sausage as well, so I went with both. I enjoyed watching the butcher slice the meat like it was butter and delicately place it upon my plate with a sizable sausage. What I didn’t enjoy so much was the meat itself. It was packed with delicious flavor and a delightful rind, but it was actually kind of tough and dry comparatively.

The jalapeno cheddar sausage also fell short of Kreuz. There was no lack of flavor, but the texture simply couldn’t compete.

But here’s the thing: Black’s BBQ was still amazing. I mean like it would probably be the best BBQ in Arizona if it was in Arizona. But it’s not, it’s in Texas and in Texas the bar was set higher by Kreuz Market.

There are five pillars in the religion of Islam. One of these is the Hajj, a pilgrimage to Mecca. Being unvegan has no such pillars, but if there had to be a Mecca, it would probably be Lockhart, Texas. Sure, there are holy unvegan sites scattered around the globe, but BBQ is arguable the most unvegan food, Texas is arguably the best state to eat BBQ in and Lockhart is arguably the BBQ capital of Texas. But, determining the actual Kaaba worth circling around (aka best BBQ restaurant) was my most important task and it began at Kreuz Market.

Kreuz Market has been making BBQ since 1900 and did such a good job that it moved into a pretty sizable building 99 years later. The line was impressively long and slow, but the smell of burning wood had me excited all the way to the front. They call their fatty brisket “shoulder clod” and their lean brisket “brisket.” And it’s sold by weight, so I grabbed a half pound of each (don’t worry, I was sharing) and a jalapeno cheese sausage because duh.

The shoulder clod can only be described as heaven. The meat melted in my mouth and had just enough smokey and salty flavor to get me wanting more after each bite, with enough juiciness to sustain the edibility. If it weren’t for the amazingness of the shoulder clod, I’m sure I would have loved the lean brisket, but compared to the shoulder clod it was simply too dry. The jalapeno cheddar sausage, by the by, was a stellar companion to the shoulder clod. It was packed relatively tightly, but not so much that it tasted like it was produced in a sausage factory.

Kreuz Market was a strong start to my BBQ Hajj and quite possible the best brisket I had ever eaten in my life. While I only had time to try out one other place, I was eager to see how its meat would stack up.

Creating Jewish deli meat is like a perfect combination of art and science. Some delis have found the ideal balance, while others are more content to satisfy the science part of it all and move on from there. I paid a visit to Chompie’s in Scottsdale to see how it would measure up against my admittedly high standards for Kosher-style delis.

For starters, the menu was exactly what I would want from a deli – massive and full of what seemed like massive sandwiches. While I could have gone for a simple Reuben or Hot Pastrami, I instead opted for the Triple Decker called Mitch’s Brooklyner. It was stuffed with pastrami, corned beef and brisket with three slices of double baked Jewish rye (as though there is some other sort of rye out there). There was literally nothing else in the sandwich. No cheese. No dressing. Nothing. But there was a side and I chose fries.

My triple decker sandwich arrived locked and loaded, ready for the taking. It looked like a daunting task to eat, but actually not too crazy because Chompie’s clearly adhered more to the science-y side of Jewish deli meats. Each was sliced to the exact same super thin-ness that really hid a lot of the texture that good corned beef, pastrami and brisket should have. Plus, while it was almost inevitable that one meat would get the shaft, why did it have to be pastrami? This was definitely the most flavorful of the trio, if not especially special. The rye was definitely solid and held up well against the onslaught of meats.

So while Chompie’s was not at all the kind of deli you tell everyone to go running to, it was definitely the kind of deli that you enjoy having in your neighborhood when you just need the comforts of the old country. There might not be much excitement or art to it, but when you stack up three meats it’ll do just fine.

It’s hard to make BBQ trendy. It is inherently something that people have very specific expectations for, and anything “new” and good is almost always a minor tweak that makes a real difference. So where can innovation come from? Booze. At least that’s what Bootleggers BBQ in Phoenix was thinking, offering a pretty snazzy modern divey bar that also serves up BBQ. It’s like a gastropub meets a BBQ spot and I was eager to see how the meat would hold up.

So, after a couple of beers, we went with the BBQ Sampler for Two. This came with pulled pork, brisket, a hot link, turkey and two St. Louis Ribs. There were also tortillas for some reason and some cole slaw. When it arrived, it looked mighty pretty. I dug right in and was happy with the results. By far my favorite was the brisket, which was juicy, smokey and super tender. In fact, there wasn’t really anything to complain about for any of the meats. Even the hot link, which can often be hit or miss, was solid if not exciting. They used an amazing small wood stove to cook efficiently.

Truthfully, I would have been happy with pretty much any of these meats as my full meal (except maybe the turkey, but that’s more personal preference than anything else). And yet, after I downed half the platter I wanted some mac and cheese. So I ordered it and have to say it didn’t impress me. Just ho hum flavor and simply not cheesy enough for me. Perhaps that is why the sampler didn’t come with a side, but I still would take the good main course over the side on almost any day.

Bootleggers was an impressive, if not overly exciting meal. But having that bar was a great touch, because I got to drink Bell’s Two Hearted Ale and it’s hard to go wrong with that. I’d definitely be willing to make Bootleggers BBQ a regular BBQ stop.

Like in LA, food trucks are a thing in the Phoenix area. And it makes much more sense here because everything is so damn spread out. Pasadena spoiled me. But I digress. The good news is that my office is all about bringing food trucks in every month (not for free, of course) to mix things up and to keep us from driving literal miles to the nearest food. This last time, it was Sweet Magnolia Smokehouse, serving up BBQ.

I was the first in line because I was hungry, but also because I wanted to learn what the best food was. The guy running the truck that day highly recommended the brisket in sandwich form, so despite my previous painful brisket experience I took him up on it and ordered it regular sized because I’m trying not to be the fattest person in the world. Quality over quantity, right?

Oh, I should also mention that it came with cole slaw and a side. I chose the mac and cheese and let them no there was no need for slaw because I’m not a stupid rabbit.

It arrived on a bun doused in BBQ sauce. Doused, I say. But honestly, I didn’t really mind it. Sure, I would have taken about half the sauce, but somehow the brisket itself was still able to shine through, all chopped up and full of smokey goodness. A couple of the bits were kind of tough, but that’s a minor complaint in the grand scheme of brisket. The mac and cheese was actually pretty fantastic, with a great noodle to cheese ratio and relative moistness that I found comforting.

Sweet Magnolia Smokehouse may not be the best brisket in the land, but it definitely serves up some solid BBQ – albeit with some questionable sauce volume.

Good food is always made better if it’s found in a strange place. You know, like the Cheetos you find in the couch cushion. No, but seriously, like BBQ at a gas station. Such is Tom’s Thumb in Scottsdale. And while it may be more of a restaurant that happens to have a gas station attached than the other way around, that shouldn’t take away from the fact that this is literally a gas station and BBQ place.

I ordered the Brisket Stack off the breakfast menu because it was easily the most interesting thing on their menu. It was sliced brisket over cheesy hash brown cakes, topped with two fried eggs and some chipotle aioli. I grabbed some of the BBQ sauces that were available and got down to business.

I must say I was a bit disappointed upon first looking at the dish, as the yolks of the eggs were cooked solid, but I gave it the benefit of the doubt. Then I got to the next layer, which was the brisket. While it had a nice smokiness and flavor, it was shockingly difficult to eat them because the meat was just tough. Like not tender at all. Which is weird. But the cheesy hash brown cakes were delicious, so that’s something.

I don’t know if their regular BBQ items would have been better than the Brisket Stack, because not even the great variety of BBQ sauces could save this dish. I mean I hope that is the case, because otherwise you might be better grilling your own juicy BBQ using your tools from Smokers Edmonton store.

BBQ is pretty much the best. But the Bay Area is a long way from where the best BBQ is supposed to be. Yet, while there for a quickie trip I made my way to 3 Pigs BBQ in San Carlos. The place definitely has a rustic feel, with an homage to the southern source of great BBQ in the form of an American flag made from Bud and Bud Light beer cans. It seemed like my kind of place and I set to work on ordering.

I opted to split a couple things with my buddy. The first was a half rack of St. Louis ribs. The ribs came out pre-sliced and followed the mantra of “ribs shouldn’t be fall off the bone.” I prefer them at least a bit more tender, but they had a good, smokey flavor and went well with all of the BBQ sauces provided by 3 Pigs.

We also split a Chopped Brisket Tray, which came with two sides and corn bread. For the sides we went with chili and mac and cheese because chili and mac and cheese. Duh. Unfortunately, the highlight of this tray was everything except for the ribs, which is definitely not what you want to say at a BBQ spot. The brisket was flavorless and simply not as tender as brisket should be. Not even the sauce could salvage the brisket, but at least I had the sides. The mac and cheese was great, with bread crumbs on top to for crunch and despite lacking in creaminess, there was plenty of cheesy flavor. The chili was also pretty solid and was a much better use of the brisket than the actual brisket. Oh, and the corn bread was plenty moist, fluffy and corny.

So, while the ribs were better than the brisket, 3 Pigs BBQ was nothing to write home about. That’s why I am writing about them in a blog, because home just wouldn’t care.

Harbor Springs in Northern Michigan is a long way from Japan, but that doesn’t stop a place called Vernales from sporting a Wagyu Brisket Burger. You see, Vernales is kind of a sports bar masquerading as an upscale restaurant, so it only makes sense that if they are going to serve a burger, it’s going to include some fancy beef. And after a long time looking over the menu, I knew that burger was what I had to have.

I should say, in addition to being topped with BBQ brisket, it also had cheddar cheese and onion straws on a kaiser bun. It was also served with fries, but there was no warning that pickles would also be alongside the burger on the plate. Fortunately the juices didn’t do any damage, but that’s always a tough thing to see.

As for the burger itself, unfortunately it did not quite live up to its perfectly unvegan description. I mean, yes, it was plenty unvegan, but the ingredients really lacked any sort of pop of flavor. Perhaps Vernales leaned too heavily on the fact that this was Wagyu beef and assumed that all the flavor would come from those tasty Wagyu fats. But The fact of the matter was that there seemed to be little seasoning on the patty and just not a lot to the brisket either. The fried onion strings and cheese tried to compensate, but unsuccessfully.

I can’t say that the Wagyu Brisket Burger was bad. It definitely was not. On the other hand, it really struggled more than it should have to be good.

When I’m in the south, I pretty much need to eat BBQ. Thus, as my trip to Atlanta had nearly reached its conclusion and I hadn’t eaten BBQ yet, I did my best to find a spot close to the airport. Pit Boss came up on the interwebs as a good spot, so I made my way there. It looked and felt old school, which is exactly what I was hoping to find, and judging by the blue collar-looking people I had high hopes.

I decided to order the Brisket Sandwich with pepper jack cheese on it. I also got a side of mac and cheese. It took a bit to get ready, but when it was done I was in for a horrid surprise – upon my bun sat a couple of fluorescent pickles just doing its best to ruin the thing. I grabbed a bottle of both the spicy and mild BBQ sauce and set to work, hoping not too much damage had been done.

It turned out that the pickles did not ruin the meal. In fact the meal was ruined by a dark horse ingredient: meat. Yes, that’s right, the brisket was so dry it was nearly inedible. Even the BBQ sauce did its best to rescue the sandwich, but it was no use. I mean, sure, the mac and cheese was good, but if a BBQ place doesn’t get the BBQ part right, it has no right to even attempt to make some side dishes.

On my way out, I noticed there was a line way out the door at Pit Boss. I wanted to warn these people, but alas all I could do was to go home and write in my blog about it. Brisket was clearly a poor choice, but after eating it I can’t imagine any other choice would have been better.

What is Montrose? For the first 6+ years I lived in LA I probably would have answered that it is some sort of mythical creature composed of combining a mongoose with an albatross. The fact is that it is neither. Instead, it is a town up near Pasadena, built into the foothills of the San Gabriel Mountains. And in that town is a restaurant called Zeke’s Smokehouse.

Zeke’s, as you might imagine, is a BBQ spot and usually if I don’t know what a BBQ place specializes in I have to go for a platter. Fortunately, the wife was game and we ordered up Zeke’s Combo for Two. This came with some white or dark chicken, Kansas City Spare Ribs, brisket and a hot creole link with three sides. We went with the mac and cheese, plus sweet potato fries and slaw for the lady because I would never make that mistake.

It turned out that Zeke knows how to cook up some pretty good BBQ. I was a big fan of the chicken, which was smokey and moist, and the ribs, which fell off the bone as they should have. The brisket left a bit to be desired, as the flavor was funky in a bad way and simply was not the moist and tender type of brisket I have come to know and love from other spots. The creole link was pretty solid, but I’m one of those people that doesn’t quite understand the point of random links with BBQ when I could just have more ribs instead. The mac and cheese was a little disappointing as well, but certainly nothing to complain about.

In all, Zeke’s did me pretty well. It’s not my favorite BBQ in the area, but variety is the spice of life and I fully expect to get back again soon to get busy with some ribs.