There is no denying that much of my heart belongs in the state of Wisconsin, where I spent many summers of my life. So when Michigan loses a football game to Wisconsin, I may hate it, but I’m also weirdly more okay with it than I am with losing to just about any other team. But what does this have to do with food? Well, Wisconsin produced a fast food place called Culver’s, which is actually in Phoenix. So afters years of not being in Wisconsin, I revisited the Scottsdale location of Culver’s to see if it could bring me back to my days in Wisconsin.

I ordered up a Double Cheddar Butterburger with Bacon because, I mean, obviously. And what’s really cool about Culver’s is that they don’t add any other ingredients unless requested, so my burger was literally just bacon and cheddar. On top of that,  instead of some crappy typical fries or whatever for the side, I went with Wisconsin Cheese Curds.

The burger was a thing of fast food beauty. The cheese had been reasonably melted and the patties were cooked in the ideal fast food way, with some crispiness around the edges and a slightly chewy interior. The bun was also nice and soft, doing a great job of handling contents. Probably the only thing that seemed a little subpar was the bacon, which was just whatevsies.

As for the cheese curds, they were a little overly breaded for my taste. Full disclosure, I prefer my cheese curds naked and unfried, so I’m always a little undersatisfied with fried curds, but at least if you’re going to do it I prefer a light breading and these weren’t light. Nonetheless, they were plenty squeaky and I mean, beggars can’t really be choosers when you’re living in Arizona.

In the end, Culver’s brings a Midwestern flair to fast food, which is certainly a good thing, but it’s still inhibited to a certain degree by being fast food. If they can figure out how to work fresh cheese curds into their supply chain, though, the game would change forever.

Sometimes the world feels dominated by American chain restaurants. It seems that anywhere you go you can find McDonald’s, Burger King, Subway and KFC. Yet, we are not the only ones pushing our fast food abroad, as evidenced by MOS Burger. MOS Burger is a Japanese fast food burger spot that I was a pretty big fan of when I was living in Japan, and I was so happy to find that it is also available in Taiwan (as well as a number of other Asian countries, and even Australia) that I had to have some.

Thus, I paid MOS Burger a visit to try two very different burgers. The first was their breakfast burger, which was topped with a fried egg and bacon, as well as lettuce and tomato that I made sure to order without. Unfortunately, this did not live up to my memories, as it was pretty plain and the burger was kind of rubbery. I had always remembered MOS Burger to be a step above the rest of fast food, but this was not.

Undaunted, I then went for the rice burger. I got a normal patty again with teriyaki sauce and an egg, but in the bun made primarily of rice (with barley and millet in there as well). Now this brought back memories of old. The burger just seemed to work better with the rice patty, which came served in special wrapper to allow me to eat the burger without the bun falling apart. Also, rice as a bun is just awesome, especially when you consider MOS Burger has been doing this for decades while the rest of the world seems to have recently realized all the different foods that can be used for buns.

So, while my MOS Burger experience started low, the rice bun brought it back up. MOS Burger is still unquestionably fast food and while that may not be for everyone, it worked just fine for me.

Brio may be a chain, but it’s the kind of chain I can get behind. After all, steaks are a central component of the menu at the place. Of course, with an Tuscan theme it’s possible to get some light pasta or something else crazy, but I am a man who doesn’t generally turn down the opportunity for a steak.

But I couldn’t just start with that. After all, I was at a table with others and we began with a few appetizers. But as much as I liked the the bruschetta, spinach-artichoke dip and flatbread, it was merely filler on my way to steak.

I usually like to go with a ribeye, but Brio’s was said to be espresso rubbed. I ain’t got time for coffee because I hate the stuff, so instead I went with the New York Strip. Through my waiter’s thickly-accented and nearly indecipherable suggestion, I had mine crusted with gorgonzola and ordered medium-rare. It arrived with a random spring of rosemary, but otherwise just as I had intended. As far as New York Strips go, this steak delivered. The gorgonzola was a bit of a distraction from the beefy flavor, but I can never complain about cheese and this doesn’t seem like the right time to do so because it was still delicious. The steak had been cooked to a perfect medium-rare, but at times was somewhat dry. I can chalk this up to the steak not being as fatty as the ribeyes that I am used to, but alas I couldn’t help but desire a bit more in the juiciness department.

I should also mention that the steak came with a choice of sides. I went with the Fingerling Potatoes Brio, which were topped with a delicious cream sauce and cooked until the outsides were crisp and the insides were nice and tender. There was nothing not good about these.

As far as the chains go, though, Brio was pretty tasty. I can’t speak for how true it is to its alleged Tuscan roots, but they sure knew how to cook a steak pretty well.

Ever since 800 Degrees hit the scene, it seems like quickie custom pizza shops have shown up everywhere. Pieology is one of these places and it follows in the same assembly line style of others before it. The ingredients are essentially the same as Blaze Pizza, but with a few tweaks here and there in the sauce department.

Thus, I went with a twist on the buffalo chicken pizza (taking advantage of their buffalo sauce), topping mine with spicy chicken, basil, mozzarella and gorgozola cheese, bacon, and sausage because obviously chicken isn’t enough meat.

After a quick blazing in the oven, my pizza was ready for chowing. Like Blaze Pizza, Pieology’s pizza felt more commercialized in the sense that the crust was pretty perfect rounded (despite a weird deformity in the bottom right of the picture) and the toppings were evenly distributed. Unlike Blaze Pizza and 800 Degrees, this pizza was super crispy. I didn’t ask for it to be cooked well-done, but it sure seemed like it was. I couldn’t complain about it, but it was definitely a noticeable difference.

As for the toppings, they were really great. The spicy chicken was really truly spicy and the rest of the toppings (aside from the buffalo sauce) did their best to buffer against the heat. They failed, but tasted good in the process. Other than the spiciness and crust, I could find little to distinguish Pieology from its brethren.

But wait, there was a dessert pizza option. We ordered it to split as a group, but I found what seemed to be just bits of chocolate to be incredibly potent and overwhelming. Just know if you get the dessert pizza it’s for those with a strong sweet tooth as opposed to those who was just a little something sweet to close out a meal.

If Pieology is nearby and you’re craving custom pizza, you can’t go wrong. It’s really hard to make bad pizza and Pieology is a long way off from that. Nonetheless, it’s not exactly a spot I would seek out instead of another custom pizza spot.

Once upon a time, a little place called 800 Degrees decided it could redefine fast-food pizza. Needless to say, it was a success. And that success inevitably led to copycats like Blaze Pizza. Surely this is not a bad thing in general because it will ultimately lead to better or more affordable food, but in the short-run I set out to see if Blaze could deliver (figuratively, of course).

I chose make my own pie, which includes all the ingredients you want for a fixed rate of under $9. I opted for the spicy red sauce, mozzarella and ricotta, then pepperoni, Italian sausage and a touch of bacon. It was lacking some of the Italian specialty ingredients like soppressata that 800 Degrees has, but just about everything you could want on a pizza was there. After a few moments in the oven, it was ready for eating.

The crust was both thin and solid, not allowing itself to stay soggy in the middle like its competitor. The ingredients were as awesome as you would expect from making your own pizza. But specifically I could tell that the pepperonis and sausage weren’t the super cheap variety you’d find at Papa John’s.

Blaze Pizza may not be doing a lot to differentiate itself yet in terms of its offerings, but it is definitely a more sterile, cookie cutter type of place than 800 Degrees. For example, the dough is perfectly even and round, while the ingredients are almost perfectly spaced. You can call this quality control if you like it or a lack of individuality if you’re not a fan. Either way, the pizza is quite good and worthwhile.

The Hat is one of those local LA fast food spots that has been around forever and seems to be in no rush to change. It has “World Famous Pastrami,” but is not limited to just one meat, because the place also serves burgers, roast beef dip and crazy big portions of sides. I mean crazy. Just look at that order of chili cheese fries on the left and try to comprehend how small the individual fries look.

But while the chili cheese fries were great, I decided to make their Pastrami Burger my meal, combining cured beef with grilled beef. Knowing there would likely be veggies, I pre-empted by saying I wanted the burger plain aside from the pastrami and cheese. I snagged a bunch of their awesome variety of condiments for myself and fellow eaters, but ended up sticking to the horsey sauce. The result was a really tasty fast food burger. Moreover, the pastrami was piled way high and really quite tasty. It easily beat out the pastrami burger from the Arctic Circle in Utah, making up for the lack of fry sauce with probably the world’s best condiment options.

To be clear, though, this was undoubtedly a fast food burger. Despite The Hat’s claims to be a casual place, the food does not fall into the fast casual bucket and seems to embrace that fact. It’s a real throwback place to a simpler time in which communists were taking over the world and this was undoubtedly the first of many visits to a this beautiful capitalist enterprise.

In the land of Western New York, a great battle is being waged over Americanized Mexican fast food. In one corner there is Taco Bell, perennial favorite around the country. In the other is Mighty Taco, a local favorite with just about as much connection to Mexico as general stability (read: none). Yet, I knew I had to try it out to see what kind of competition it is to the first love of my life.

I decided I had to try out a few items to really test out Mighty Taco. It began with two tacos, one with barbecue pork and the other with ground beef. They also came with cheese, tomato and lettuce, so I told them to hold the latter two crappy ingredients. I was given the option of white, wheat or corn tortilla and chose white (which I assumed meant flour) and also a choice of sauce and went with hot. The result was pretty good, although the pork was a bit too sweet. Neither were anything special, but they got the job done at a good price.

As for that other thing in the picture up above, it’s the Banderito from their specialty burrito menu. It’s filled with fajita steak, “Buffito” chicken (which apparently means actual grilled chicken with buffalo sauce), more chicken in apparent fajita form, lettuce, blue cheese and hot sauce. Of course I ordered without the lettuce and this was a wise choice. In fact, the Banderito was the best thing I had, it was quite tasty and while it doesn’t seriously threaten Taco Bell, it is a nice thing to have to switch things up every once in while.

In-N-Out Burger became a fast-food legend for its simple, yet just big enough menu. Of course, the burgers aren’t half-bad either. But what if a place were to take that simplicity, but kick things up a notch in ingredient quality? That’s where Little Big Burger in Portland comes in. Simple menu (6 items including drinks and no secret menu to speak of). Good prices ($3.75 for a cheeseburger). And hopefully delicious food.

I visited the location in the Pearl District and ordered a cheeseburger without Portlandish (or is it Portlandic?) organic veggies and a side of their white truffle fries. I quickly learned that this was no In-N-Out because after a solid 15 minutes of waiting, my brown paper bag of burger and fries was finally ready.

Where Little Big Burger lacked speed, they rapidly made up for in being incredibly delicious. For starters, the fries were bar none some of the best I’ve ever had. The had just the right amount of truffle, the right amount of salt and the right amount of crispiness. And then there was the burger itself. Matching the name of the restaurant, the 1/4 pound cascade beef (all natural as you would expect in Portland) burger looked small in its brioche bun, but was cooked to a near-medium-rare and packed with big flavor.

There’s honestly little else that can be said. The little burger and fries left a big impression on me and should be on any burger lover’s list to eat in Portland.

Once, oh so many years ago, I had myself a solo adventure in The Philippines. Among my many memories, I have never forgotten pulling into the Jollibee drive-thru window in Quezon City and ordering corned beef with rice. Surely, this wasn’t the most exciting thing on the menu, but to a Jew that had spent nearly a year in China and longed for corned beef I was amazed. Of course, this corned beef was more a remnant of the colonial days of The Philippines than of my own ancestors, but it was still an experience.

A couple of years later, I realized Jollibee existed in LA and longed to pay the place another visit. Then, just as I was about to take a lunch trip to the Carson location, the place blew up on an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown. This only strengthened my resolve and moved Jollibee to the top of my to-eat list.

Although we were greeted by a giant anthropomorphic bee outside, on the inside were were greeted only by Filipino faces. I knew the time had come to potentially recreate some memories. This time, though, I ordered the Aloha Burger instead of corned beef. This burger came topped with a slice of pineapple, bacon, “creamy” cheese, Aloha dressing and lettuce. I got mine without the lettuce and deduced that the Aloha dressing was basically honey mustard, but light on the mustard. It ended up being exactly what it sounded like. Unquestionably fast food, but unquestionably unique. Plus, the cheese was less the creamy variety and more the Velveeta variety.

To join my Aloha Burger, I ordered a side of fries. Note that I made no distinction about the size of the fries, because at Jollibee the fries only come in one size. Of course, they make up for that lack of size variety with side dishes like corn, rice and sweet potato waffle fries. In any case, the fries were the perfect size and generally held their own against other fast food fries.

The icing on this whole fantastic cake of a fast food joint, though, was the Halo Halo. As a dessert, the Halo Halo is probably the greatest dessert that exists in any fast food restaurant in the past, present or future. Starting from the bottom, it begins with sweet beans, coconut shavings and big cubed jellies. On top of that layer is a sweetened purple jelly-like substance, following by evaporated milk and something like shaved ice. Finally, it is topped with a small scoop of ube (purple yam) and mango (I think) ice cream. But wait, that’s not all. Seated next to these scoops is a slice of flan. It is truly a sight to behold and to eat. Surely, a trip to Jollibee without a Halo Halo is wasted.

So, after trying out the American version of Jollibee, I can say that any lover of fast food will find themselves enjoying the main courses. But don’t show up as a snooty burger snob and expect it to make you like fast food. It’s unique as all hell, but it’s still fast food.

But, whatever your position on any food, check out the Halo Halo. It might not be some fancy chef dessert, but it is damn sexy and damn worth it.

Remember when Hooters was as exciting as restaurants got? Not food-wise, of course, but ummm boob-wise. Well, those days are as dead as the Cold War. Last year I learned this firsthand at the Tilted Kilt and on my recent visit to Las Vegas the point was driven home, hard, at Twin Peaks. It was at Twin Peaks that we basically established our base camp for our time in Las Vegas. The only trouble was it was hard to concentrate on the basketball games with so much else to look at.

But somewhere in the middle of all the viewing, we managed to eat. As a lover of wings, I figured these were my best bet. Over the course of the weekend I tried three of their four flavors, which were Red Hot, Smoky BBQ and Ghost Pepper. I skipped Green Chili Parmesan because it seemed dumb.

These three flavors were all quite good, with the Ghost Pepper being the tastiest and not at all as intimidating as it sounded. I had been falsely led to believe that the Smoky BBQ would be spicier than the Red Hot, which was okay because of boobs and because the BBQ sauce was pretty good. The chicken itself was also nice, with each wing and drummy being meaty, juicy and tender.

As with most wings, these came with celery despite not mentioning this on the menu. This counted against Twin Peaks, but luckily celery is not a vegetable prone to ruining food by simply existing near it.

As a bonus, Twin Peaks also has a climbing wall, which is how they avoid simply being a pun of a bar.

Come for the views, stay for the food. It’s not as good as the views, but it’s still great bar food.